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Depression and abuse
An_204153 posted:
[TRIGGER] I am a 51 year old mother of 4 that has had depression off and on my whole life. My oldest child died unexpectedly 7 years ago and I recently found out that my daughter was sexually assaulted my my second husband 16 years ago. ( I have 2 children from my second husband) That daughter moved out at college and never came home. She is now 1000 miles away from me and this news has torn my family apart and triggered my depression to a point of despair. My son is dead, and now his sister has lived with this secret for all theses years! This husband has been verbally and, at times, physically abusive to me. I'm seeing a new therapist, and a new dr. for meds, again, but I cannot see my way out of this mess my life has become! Can anyone else relate? When I get well again, I am looking for a new job and try to become independent. Thank you for any encouragement.
marysings responded:
I am very proud of you! You see and understand the problem. You have taken steps to find new care-givers, you have a goal, and you are putting together plans to reach that goal.

Abuse will always tear a family apart in some way. My father sexually abused me from the time I was 4 until my mother took us (3 children) away because she could not tollerate his drinking; I was age 9. She knew about the abuse and even helped him have time alone in the evenings with me. When this came up after my breakdown, my younger sister and brother both came at me with gloves on, ready to fight. My sister now understands why I had the breakdown. We don't talk about the abuse but she has at least acknowledged it. My brother was furious because he never knew his father (he was 3 yrs old when we moved away). He had put our father on a pedestal and then I "had the audacity" to make the accusation of abuse. I had "ruined his image of his father". I still roll my eyes and say 'oh please'. And my brother has pulled away from me.

I understand your sadness for losing the close-knit family that we all desire. I hope as you make progress in therapy that you can explore ways to reach out to your children.

I will pray for your situation.

I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is.I make mistakes,I'm sometimes out of control but I love and give with all my heart.If you can't accept me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best.
quazmom replied to marysings's response:
Thank you, Mary. My head is so foggy right now. And I think my husband is trying to "trip me up" as to make me think I'm a complete crazy loser. After is "my problem", right? Also, he doesn't believe in therapy. In it by myself.
susiemargaret replied to quazmom's response:
hello, Q --

i have just a few things to add to mary's insightful comments.

i think you should get out, out, out of that household as quickly as you can! call a women's shelter, and ask them to help you come up with a plan. your therapist and psychiatrist can help you do this as well. my reason for saying this is that abusers never decrease their abuse, it only increases. your husband is physically and otherwise abusive toward you already; soon your life will be in danger. please don't wait that long.

please keep us posted on how you are doing; i send caring thoughts to you.

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
An_204154 replied to susiemargaret's response:
Thank you, susie margaret. I know. Depression sucks the very life out of you and makes your head as cloudy as pea soup, but I know you are right. I am working on it. The control that abusers have over people is unbelievable! It's a mind control. And a person with depression is SO vulnerable to begin with! I KNOW this won't last forever...but I wish I could snap my fingers and that would be it! Remember, I am also dealing with the grief of my dear son. Minute by minute. Thank you for the kind words of encouragement, it makes it more tolerable.
susiemargaret replied to An_204154's response:
hello, A247 --

we are here for you as much as you need.

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
Chris_WebMD_Staff responded:
I am so sorry to hear this Anon. My gosh you have been through a lot. (((hugs)))
Keep seeing that doc please, get the help you so deserve.
I'm glad you found us, and please continue to check in with us.
Chrissy~ When the world says, Give up, Hope whispers, Try it one more time. ~Author Unknown
FightingB responded:

hello there..... i am so glad you posted! i cannot immagine what you are going through in many ways and in some i can! i understand depression and being with a controlling abusive person. i agree that you need to get out of that situation.... there are places that can help you! Keep working with your therapist and doc..... it will take time for all these wounds to heal and for your family to recover. i just have to say, the abuse on you and your daughter is not at all your fault! you are not crazy and do not let him begin to convince you otherwise!
the only really advice i can possibly give is to take care of yourself (ie: go to therapy, take meds and work with the doctor, and allow yourself, family and daughter to heal, have patience) you seem like you have an amazing heart and i am so sorry that these things have happened to you. i will be praying for you and i really hope you can get away from your second husband asap so your healing may begin. i am afraid he will stall any recovery efforts that you may attempt for you or your family. please do not be ashamed..... take care and keep us posted! God bless!
alivings11 replied to FightingB's response:
Hi Anon, it sounds like you have been through so much for such a long time. What incredible survival skills you have! Which tells me you have the strength to get away from your husband. The cycle of domestic violence is just awful but I know you can break it. Right now, the most important thing is your physical safety. You deserve to feel safe and to be able to take care of yourself.

Take good care!
An_204155 replied to FightingB's response:
Thank you, fightingb. It feels like forever since my life has been my own. My daughter has little to nothing to do with me. So be it...I cannot change the past. Although, had I known back then, I certainly could have done what needed to be done! My heart will always be son is dead, and his sister has cut me out of her life. I hope my dr. and therapist can help me figure out why I attract monsters! The second half of my life will be devoted to helping others in need. I'd rather associate with those that truly appreciate a kind heart! The world has to be better than what I have seen the past 51 years!!1

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