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    tori2b posted:
    [TRIGGER] Trigger.........................................................................


    I've been Hyperventilating on and off today.And it sucks because my chest hurts and I feel like crap.I'm under a lot of stress dealing with things that I really don't want to.Friday was a breaking point for me and I just lost it.

    I'm still feeling the affects of what I did Saturday.I just wanted to disappear and not have to deal with it anymore.I took some Valium,Lortab,Seroquel,Haloperidol and some other stuff.I was thinking that it would do the trick.

    But I just slept for 30 or more hours and hate myself.It's like going from having a lot of air to having no air at all.What's going on I have no control over it and there's no way to stop it from happening.Even though I don't want it to happen at all.

    I just feel like a no account and people just look right through me.
    SleepyKittenz responded:
    Ahh don't take all those pills like that it's ok just chill out first..
    lexismom11 responded:
    Anxiety can do that to you. The best thing to do is to lay down and try your best to relax. The more you fight it the worse it can be. Focus on you breathing and breathe slowly. If you have antianxiety medication, have you taken any today? If not try taking the recommended amount.

    Another option is to call your doctor so you can talk to him or her for a while to try and calm down.
    tori2b replied to lexismom11's response:
    Thanks you two,

    I've been dealing with schizo affective disorder,DID,anxiety,panic attacks,SH and SA for well over sixteen years.I know it's not my anxiety that's causing it because I don't have the sweaty hands that I get when my anxiety kicks in.

    It's has to do with a number of things that's happening around me.Like having control of life and not being able to stop my Mi Mi(grandmother)from dieing.It is what it is but I don't want to accept that.She's the closet one I had for a mother and I just feel like we didn't have enough time together.

    Again thanks for the replies!
    tori2b replied to tori2b's response:
    I'm assuming that it's too much to deal with.Didn't mean to spring that much all at once.Lately I've been getting a lot of pausing from people after revealing what is going on in my life.I've gotten use to some backing away.

    It's the kind of feeling you get if you every experience someone dropping you off and saying stay right here until I get back.When they know to begin with they already had the in mind of not coming back for you.

    Again thanks for being concern>
    tori2b replied to tori2b's response:
    I had company over and I was sitting at the table posting.I was thrown for loop when this person asked what I was doing.So I explain the site to them and got a response that just got me to thinking.

    They said you are telling complete strangers all of your business when they don't care for you or what's happening over here.They just wanna see how stupid you are and get a good laugh off your life.

    I don't want to believe it but it sure do feels like it.
    Chris_WebMD_Staff replied to tori2b's response:
    Hi Tori2b

    We do care, it's good to come here and look for support and give support when you can.
    Please keep these Crisis links close by to you.
    Hurting yourself is never the answer. You need to reach offline and get some help, but I'm glad you found us and hope it helps to be here, but reach offline as well please. Check in as you can.
    Chrissy~ When the world says, Give up, Hope whispers, Try it one more time. ~Author Unknown
    tori2b replied to Chris_WebMD_Staff's response:

    That's what they say,hurting yourself is not the answer.I tried reaching offline and wasn't being heard.Came here and spoke about things on two different occasions 3 weeks and a week ago.On the(Let's check in Wednesday) but got no response there either.So I just assume that I have to much for people to even know how to help here.

    Before I took the pills I was doing all I could do to be heard but I wasn't.When you dealing with a lot of things,there's only so much of being looked over or being treated as see through I can take.I figured it was not use to continue when I'm not being seen or heard.So that's why I just stopped everything,no more meds,pdoc or tdoc.

    Thanks for your concerns!
    susiemargaret replied to tori2b's response:
    hello, T --

    i went back to check on your earlier posts. about two weeks ago, you posted a Q on truth-telling when under the influence of alcohol but got no immediate answer, . i answered that one somewhere not too long after you put it up, tho -- the same night, as i remember.

    on the checking-in thread a week ago, , i guess no one realized you wanted a response, and i apologize for that.

    yesterday you reassured dem that she was indeed wanted here, , and yesterday you also began this thread on hyperventilating. sleepykittenz, lexismom, and chrissy all responded to this one.

    were there other posts that we missed because you submitted them anonymously or under a different name? there are several of us who do try to keep up with the posts, but we can't always answer right away; it just depends on how many people are on-line and who knows what about the different topics raised. and it's true, some people don't feel well enough to answer posts or don't know what to say. however, it is absolutely, 100% not true that the people here don't care about those who write in. if we didn't care, we wouldn't bother to monitor the posts in this community.

    did you ask about a particular topic that we somehow missed? if you will direct me to the post(s) you are talking about, i'll take a quick look and see if i can help. in the meantime, i'm really sorry if you were overlooked. it wasn't deliberate, believe me.

    i send you my complete sympathy for the loss of your grandmother. i can tell it is devastating.

    -- susie margaret
    what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
    tori2b replied to susiemargaret's response:
    Susie Margaret,

    It really is hard to interpret what each other are saying here vs face to face.I only have 12 discussion under my name not under none other.I was just simply stating to Chrissy why I felt like maybe I had to much drama for people to deal with.When I didn't get a response from both of the(Let's check in Wednesday posts).

    But you know what one was a week ago and the other three weeks ago so let's just move on from that.I brought my Mi Mi(grandmother)To live with me because she said here is where she feels comfortable.She has some health issues and she's dieing.But thankfully I still have her with me today and each day I can see her face is better than anything else in this world.

    Sorry if you were misinformed but she hasn't died yet.Thanks for replying.
    susiemargaret replied to tori2b's response:
    hello, T --

    let me just start over, since i don't seem to be able to get untangled in our threads. you're right, the in-person thing versus the not-in-person thing makes every post complicated.

    the first, and most emphatic, thing i want to say is that i'm very glad i was wrong about whether your grandmother had died. i can tell that the prospect of losing her is terrible, but i hope your time together stays as rewarding as it can.

    i've never been in your exact circs, so i don't feel that i can tell you that i know how you feel, but i do know how it feels to have no control over something that is inevitable. my technique for dealing with that is taking five mins at a time, then five more mins, then five more mins. and every morning, reminding myself -- as you are doing -- that one more day is one more day than no more days, which sounds ridiculously trite but which i find more comforting than just about anything else.

    have you told your boyfriend that you need emotional support of the reassurance kind rather than discussions of hypotheticals? he may be bringing up "what next, what next, what next" for two reasons; one is because he is genuinely concerned about how you will handle the coming days, the other because he is genuinely concerned about how he will handle the coming days. i'm sure he feels completely inadequate, esp if he also is close to your grandmother.

    the last thing you need while you are going thru this is to have to be strong for your boyfriend as well as having to be strong for yourself and for your grandmother. have you told him this? in my view, he should hear it. he needs to go to other places for reassurance about his own fears right now; you need all of your emotional resources for your own burdens.

    i know we can't fix anything, that you just want to know that someone is listening and thinking about you. so i will tell you -- because it's true -- that i send you many caring thoughts and hope you will give us a chance to support you in whatever way we can.

    -- susie margaret
    what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
    tori2b replied to susiemargaret's response:
    Susie Margaret,

    First I would like to truly and deeply thank you for even going through the trouble of understanding where I was coming from.And I appreciate all of your help to the fullest,believe me.And no of this is anything that you have done and I apologize if I was a burden to anyone on this board.

    But I have enough to deal with already and don't need to be bash or speak of as a heartless person.I thought coming to these boards was a good step and I was just looking for understanding.Tey don't know what they have done or how much pain they have added to my situation.It was hard enough speaking about my life here and to have people put me down like I'm a no account.

    That just showed me that I shared personal details about me and they took it as humor for a good laugh.I would have rather they just tell me to leave then for me to come at me like they did.I now know that I'm not wanted or do I belong here so I'm not sticking around.When Mi Mi passes so will I it's better than being kick in the gut by people I thought cared.I guess it was all lies.

    THANK YOU/Tori2b/Kai/Yoram/Chase.
    susiemargaret replied to tori2b's response:
    hello, T --

    we'll be here if you decide to change your mind. i'm so sorry things turned out this way.

    -- susie margaret
    what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
    tori2b replied to susiemargaret's response:

    Thanks but there's no changing my mind.I know I shouldn't let words get to me but some just cut like sword,real deep.Some don't know that if a person is walking a fine line they can drive that person over the edge.I'm not sticking around here after my grandmother pass because there's no reason.Stay around to be treated like trash and be bash by people.

    The same one's that said speak what's on your mind or what you feel because no one is going to judge you.But they do judge and conflict pain on top of the pain that is already there.And no I'm not reading more than what it is.The statements were made and I know for a fact that it was meant in the same terms as the way it was said.

    I have enough to deal with and don't need people taking shots at me when I'm already in the pits of hell.They just put the nail in my coffin by doing that so why be here.

    Again thanks for replying and dealing with my craziness.Tori2b/Kai/Yoram/Chase.

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