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Am I depressed or just lazy?
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momwantsabetterlife posted:
Hi. I am 36 year old female. I'll try to be as brief as possible about my problems. I am a stay at home mom of 2 kids 10 and 8. My husband works swing shift. My problem is that I know that I am supposed to be a good Mom and I want to be a good mom, but for some reason I just can't seem to be. My house is a mess. I mean an absolute mess. I know I need to clean it, but I just can't seem to make myself do it. I make very detailed lists and schedules to try to get me on track, but when it comes to doing it, I fall short. It's like I just don't care enough to do it. Somedays I go to bed at 2:00am and don't get up until 2pm. If I'm not sleeping, I'm watching TV or reading a book instead of doing what I need to be doing. I don't even feel like cooking or making their lunches or breakfast. I would even rather watch tv than play with them. Its like it's too much trouble to mess with. I tried to talk to my husband about it, but he told me that my only problem was that I was being immature and selfish. I haven't been able to find anyone else to talk about this with. I don't have any friends. My family lives in another state. Whenever I talk to them about it they just make me feel worse. I know that I'm not supposed to be this way. It's like a part of me has shut down. Almost everyone I have tried to talk to about this makes me feel like I'm a lazy, selfish, slob. I love me family, I truly do. I just can't seem to care as much as I am supposed to. Please don't be afraid to be critical. I need to know what to do. Maybe if someone could let me know that I'm not the only person that is like this. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
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rednewbie responded:
I guess to answer your question on depressed or lazy, do you like living the way you do? Do you care about the mess? Are you embrassed when people come over? Do you want things different and just not sure where to start?

If you said yes to any of the above, it means you are most likely not lazy but overwhelmed. Either with the mess or life or both. If you live in chaos it very much can feel like your life is out of control. But trying to clean it up, is a huge job that you wonder if you should just get a shovel and shovel it all out the front door.

I have a friend in the same position you are in... But she is lazy... You need to start slowly hon, and get your kids to help. Start a chore list. only tackling a little bit at a time. First and foremost, in my opinion the kitchen and baths. Its my opinion your kitchen should be clean every night before bed, after dinner. All dishes in dishwasher or washed. Stove, counters, and table cleaned off. The kids can help. Turn off the TV turn on music and work together. Just the kitchen. See if you feel better getting up each morning walking into a kitchen that is clean.

Another suggestion is daily turn off tv... turn on music and set a timer for 15 minutes. Everyone has to clean for that time period. not just moving stuff around. Putting stuff away. Or give them laundry baskets, get stuff out of family room. and tomorrow work at putting it away. Whatever idea you use, make sure you do it even if you don't feel like it. Or the kids give you grief. All of you need to help. And keeping the timer at small amounts less than 30 minutes should help keeping it seem like you will be there forever cleaning.

After a week, then decide do you need to see a doc for depression? Take a walk with the kids daily as possible. And if you don't feel better, see a doc... Depression is awful. But the mess will not help any.

Hugs sweetie... I know its rough. Gin
 
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bucha25 responded:
Hi, I am 44 and just like you. My house is a mess, I have 1 son, 6 years old, he goes to school in the afternoon so we get up the last minute and rushing. I feel so guilty like I am just hurting him. I sleep a lot too. I have such good dreams, a lot better than reality, I just never want to get out of bed. I am depressed AND lazy. But I have to do what's best for my son. I have no friends either, people only call when they want something. My husband works all the time. My family is totally RUTHLESS. All they do is put me down, and everyone else, they make me feel like crap and make me more depressed. They NEVER have anything nice to say to me. It's always negative. They don't even say nice things to my son, then they call when they need something. Believe that?? They think they can just walk all over me like dirt and then want something. I totally avoid them and someday thier going to need me and I am going to laugh right in their face!! That's why I'm so depressed. No friends, no family. But maybe if we (you and I) try to go to bed early, we can get up earlier to clean and take care of our kids. My son is still not talking in school (he's in Kindergarten) and I feel it's my fault. So I have to listen to the school's negativity also. I read to him, do homework with him, I am trying my best except we go to bed to late and get up to late. I also feel lazy, but it's the depression. I try to make friends but don't seem to. Just do the best you can and try to go to bed early so you can get up earlier. Please respond back. You are a lot like me!! Thank you.
 
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ringmaster1 responded:
I wonder if we all have messed up hormones or something. I am 45 and stay at home Mom. I dont think I am lazy though cause I cant function till my house is in order, PLUS I cant sit still. I did have my first therapy appt today and I am kind of thinking that part of my problem is my role in life is changing some and what happens to me. My part will be done soon. I also feel quilty cause I am worried about myself.

We need a stay at home Moms mid-life crisis group!!! :eek
 
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momwantsabetterlife responded:
Thank you so much for your post. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. It seems like everyone I know keeps their house perfect and always does all those things that Moms are supposed to do. My family is the same way as yours. No one calls or writes. I went their for Christmas and found out that the had atleast six different parties that I was never even told about or invited to. They didn't even call me when my Grandma fell and broke her hip. I found out a week later when I kept calling my Grandma and was worried when no one would answer. It's like I don't seem to exsist to them. What's worse is that they do it to my kids as well. My Mom promised my son at Christmas that if he made all A's on his report card she would give him $20 for the first grading period and $50 for the next. Well he made the A's, I sent her an email almost a month ago. Then we mailed her a letter with a copy of his report card. Still nothing. Not even a email saying atleast good job. My son asks me almost every day if my mom has written back. Sometimes I just want to give him the money and say that it's from her. Stuff like that does not help. It makes me feel like they are punishing my kids because of me. So I feel guilt over that. We go to Christmas and they hear their cousins talk about how everyone goes to their games and school programs, and how the get to stay the night at my Moms. She takes them to the movies, shopping, and out to eat. My kids don't even get a birthday card from her. My family lives less than 2hrs away, but for all purposes it might as well be on the other side of the world. I feel like my kids are going to be so screwed up when they get older. I'm going to try what you said though. I'm just going to startby trying to go to bed earlier. I've seen a few people write about flylady. Maybe I can check that out. Thank you so much again for writing. Now I know that I'm not the only person that feels this way. Thank you.
 
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joli316 responded:
I agree with what everyone else has said, and I have felt the same as you. Been out of work since Thanksgiving on short term disability due to depression and anxiety. Moved only 40 minutes from my family and friends, but it may as well be the other side of the world. You need to get meds; believe me. It may be a trial and error ride, but it is worth it.

YOU are worth it.

We only get one life; why let it run us like this? It has been a slow road to recovery for me. I know I suffer from depression and will tell anyone who says otherwise. Educate yourself. When someone says "get over it; I was depressed and I got over it", remember, being depressed and suffering from depression are not the same. Check this out on youtube: www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwnDZ5_f7ao Not the mantra site, just listen to what he says. Words of wisdom and comfort.

Hang in there. Get help for yourself and your kids. My ex never understood either. You can try to educate him; mine wouldn't hear it.

YOU can DO it!

Linda


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