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bad day
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ladybird81 posted:
Hiding my sadness only makes you more sad......I feel like God is testing me and I'm failing. I don't know what I need anymore. I can't escape my head. My thoughts are holding me captive. I'm dying on the inside. I wish the pain would stop. My soul is lost. Death will surely cure my disease. My heart will never heal.
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ladybird81 responded:
I can't stop crying. I've been praying all day for this to stop. I had a really bad panic attack it completely scared me. It left me paralyzed for. I don't know how long. Has anyone experienced a panic attack like that???
 
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lexismom11 replied to ladybird81's response:
I haven't had a panic attack quite that bad so I don't know what that feels like, but I have had pretty bad panic attacks. What helps for me is being able to lay down and relax, maybe try to take a nap because I usually feel pretty wiped out afterwards.

Try to take it easy for a while after a panic attack. That can help you feel better.
 
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ladybird81 replied to lexismom11's response:
Yes a nap always makes me feel better. This concerned me because I couldn't move I couldn't talk. I was just laying there sobbing. Alone which made me even sadder. I just want to be happy. That is all I have ever wanted. I have always been sad even as a little girl. I don't know what being happy feels like and now that I have lost my partner I'm sinking further. There is no relief in sight .
 
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susiemargaret replied to ladybird81's response:
hello, L --

i know i've seen other posts from you, but i don't think i'm caught up right now. are you taking meds or seeing a counselor?

there are two other communities where i think you might get some additional emotional support and good advice --

-- the anxiety/panic community, http://exchanges.webmd.com/anxiety-and-panic-disorders-exchange , and

-- the grief/loss community, http://exchanges.webmd.com/grief-loss-exchange .

i am so sorry you feel so bad. i send you many caring thoughts.

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
 
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ladybird81 replied to susiemargaret's response:
Susie This past month has been difficult. I am on meds and I am seeing a therapist. Therapy has been pretty rough. On top of grieving I'm starting to remember things from my childhood that are unpleasant. All of these feelings are very overwhelming. I'm starting to understand why I have always been an unhappy girl. I don't trust men. I miss my best friend so much. Day to day life is difficult. I try everyday to stay positive . I know I have an angel watching me. I just want her to be proud of me.
 
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susiemargaret replied to ladybird81's response:
hello, L --

i'm sure she is proud of you. you're doing the right things -- you're in therapy, working hard even tho it is difficult. you're taking your meds. you're dealing with your panic attacks even tho they are temporarily disabling.

has your dr given you anything to help with your panic attacks, such as a med that is anti-anxiety, like ativan/lorazepam? i take 0.50 mg of this when i realize that i'm right on the verge of crying. this takes the edge off, whereas waiting until i'm already crying doesn't help all that much as a practical matter, because i have to take so much it makes me dizzy and woozly. (i have to admit that i don't know that much about panic attacks, so please forgive my ignorance if this suggestion is completely inadequate.)

unfortunately, this is work you have to do for yourself. however, i send caring thoughts and hope that you can get some rest.

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
 
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ladybird81 replied to susiemargaret's response:
Susie, I have been trying really hard. I have to keep reminding myself to be patient with my feelings. Therapy has been a slow process. I recognize that I have a lot of unresolved issues and I don't know how to let go. I just feel like everytime I take a step foward I get knocked back 3. I pray everyday for peac and serenity. I just want to be happy. My feelings of lonelieness are destroying me. I feel nobody understands me. My friends just look at me with pity. I don't want pity I want understanding. Sometimes I just need to be heard. I'm trying not to isolate myself but my anxiety is holding me captive. I have not spoken to my dr about my panic attacks. Susie do you have panic attacks at night while sleeping? I have been waking up soar. I wake up feeling like I just had a panic attack. I currently have 3 stitches on my head. The other day my panic attack was so bad I was trying to get up from the kitchen table to go lay down and I hit my head on the coffee table.I woke up in a pile of blood. I couldn't move or talk. I have been trying to meditate to keep my anxiety level down. I guess I am scared and nervous about the future. Being alone..... thank you Susie for listening to me. It means a lot!
 
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susiemargaret replied to ladybird81's response:
hello, L --

i've never had panic attacks in the night, altho i do wake sometimes from esp bad nightmares, breathing hard and drenched in sweat. usually i get panicked on my way to somewhere, when i will be around people i don't know and can't escape easily. i can tell when my anxiety is increasing, because i realize that i am whimpering involuntarily and gasping.

it is perfectly natural to be scared and nervous about the future, esp after a difficult loss. this is a process, not a starting point and an ending point. you can do it.

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.


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