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need to vent. really depressed
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chrissyzajac posted:
heres the quick run thru my life. 3 years ago i met derrick. a year and a half later i got preggo by him. she was born and all was ok. but once i got preggo all the kisses and "i love yous" ended. i was blinded by love so i didnt care. he has anger issues. he gets mad and punches hole in walls. 2 of the holes were right above where (she was 4 months then) her bed was cuz he was nonexistent unless i was at work. so she screamed for all 6 hours till i came home. we moved out of state away from everyone i knew so he could get a better job. i got really depressed (which he didnt care), got snoopy (i know thats bad) and saw in his phone him and his old **** buddy were sending dirty pics to each other (a lot thru time). his work required him to be ready to leave at a moments notice. he was never home and when he was he prefered to be with friends than me and our daughter. i got tired of basically being a roommate with benefits (barely) so i left and went back home with my daughter (were not married thank god). its been 3 months and hes already got a new GF and lives with her. he says she "just feels right" and "were like the same person its scary". hes started many fights and has said a LOT of crap and even admitted he says crap to hurt me. says its all in my head and cuz i left im not allowed to feel hurt and the fact that i do irritates him. i cant even imagine being with a new man. im so hurt i dont even want to give my heart to anyone but my 1 1/2 year old. i feel like i dont deserve love, that every guy is the same, and ill just get hurt again. ive gained weight and lost friends due to my depression. and he just really doesnt give a ****. i almost wonder how long he was over me before we even broke up....
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kewpieluv responded:
I am 62 and feel like I have lived through it all! Here is what I have to say to you---I applaud you for being strong enough to get away from him. Everyday you keep it in your mind that you are STRONG, and you love your child. Now I want you to do this, sit quietly and close your eyes. Now start trying to imagine how many men there are on this earth right now--quite a staggering number right?
Ok since there are so MANY men, a good strong woman does not need to obsess over just one.
Thank goodness for your child, use your strength and live a good life for you and your child. good luck
 
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chrissyzajac replied to kewpieluv's response:
and my new major concern is child support and custody. he lives in SC and im in OH. i am in real need for diapers, clothes, food help and i told him id hold off on applying for child support till the govt made me. its been 3ish months and i still have yet to find a job (cant till i have a trusting babysitter for baby-im looking-family wont do it) but he wont send money, gift cards, or even ordering and shipping thru the internet cuz he thinks ill use it for myself (his excuse). i asked one day if he could order off the net some diapers and ship them here since he said it was a good idea- his responce " im paying your (really ours) cell phone bill, now you want more?" he got really pissy and i told him screw it then. all i asked for were some diapers for HIS daughter. apparently thats too much. so i need to apply for child support but if i do that, itll spark up custody crap. hes the type of guy thats all talk (literally) but im scared i wont win even tho he has literally NOTHING on me. i am the perfect mother to her, hes never around, has anger issues, has a new gf 3 months after we were done, and hasnt spent more than an hour with her so baby dont really know him. but im scared just cuz he only says crap to hurt me that he'll fight like hell to keep her just to hurt me cuz i "ruined his world"
 
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paulpaulpaul replied to chrissyzajac's response:
I just got out of an abusive relationship so I can sympathize with how you feel. You are very brave for taking your child and leaving him. I see now that I started to believe the awful things my ex called me. Please know that what he is saying has nothing to do with you, but is all about his own hangups. You are not alone. I send good thoughts your way.
 
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kewpieluv replied to chrissyzajac's response:
You have to do what is right for your child---not what is right for your child's dad! File for that child support. If you have no reason for your child to be taken away from you it will not be taken away.
Check with churches and government assistance agencies. You can get help with the things your child needs, and many places offer free food and personal care items too. Some government programs will even help you get a free phone, and even though it takes time, you could also get help with housing.
Check into it----it can't hurt to ask.


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