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I hate my life,,
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Dixierebal54 posted:
Does anyone read these? I sit in my apt. with my dog. (if it weren't for him i wouldn't go out) I'm lonely but i'm not. I can't put up with other people for long. I love them but i want to be left alone. Then again i don't. It's just so stressful haveing to talk to someone else just to think of something to say is hard. My doc ask me why do i think people look at me like i'm stupid,well i guess cause i feel that way. I can't hardly keep friends cause i avoid the phone. I can answer a text but hate to answer the phone.
Somedays i think i need to go to hospital,but i got a dog to take care of. Besides going there is scary. Been there done that.
Who ever is reading this ,if anyone has got to wonder what i'm talking about. My life. In my 20's i tried to comment suiside,not really i just wanted to sleep. I was stressed out cause i just had a abortion,but i already had 2 i could hardly feed. I was single. i was told i was depressed. Put on meds. I am stressed out all the time. I can't breath in the store. But somedays i feel so good i could sing. I hate going outside my front door here. People everywhere.
My popaw molested me starting at age 6 or 7,my dad was a mean alcaholic. I been married 5 times,all to abbussive men. I just want to be loved but now i'm no good. I can't stand men and the thought of living with another is over welming. I don't care about sex and don't like to be touched. So how could i have a realationship? I hate my life...Sorry i talked too much.
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MissCaptainKirk responded:
You didn't talk too much, talking is what this board is for.
I'm very sorry to hear about all you're going through. I can't imagine how hard that all is. You are very strong to keep going everyday even when you don't feel like it.
The people on this board are here to help and we care greatly about you. Keep fighting and don't worry about finding a man for a while. You need to find yourself first.

Much love to you <3
 
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Dixierebal54 replied to MissCaptainKirk's response:
Thank you so much. Its so good to find a place i can talk about my problems with and people that understand. My dog is over by the door wanting out, i want to wait till after dark. Oh,i'm not looking for a man but i got one or 2 here interested in me. I tell them i don't want a realationship. Its all i can do to deal with my realationship with my daughter's. My youngest and i are real close but me and my oldest seem to allways have had a rocky realationship. Thats another story. Guess i better take him out.
God Bless
 
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MissCaptainKirk replied to Dixierebal54's response:
Oh man, relationships with daughters can be hard. I don't have a daughter but I raised two sisters. It is very hard when they aren't close to you anymore.

It's good that you're telling those men interested in you that you don't want a relationship. You're being very wise in that.

What kind of dog do you have and what is his/her name? I love dogs.
 
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Dixierebal54 replied to MissCaptainKirk's response:
My dog is mixed with pug,terrier and the mailman. lol He is my baby. He keeps me going. Without him i don't know if i could go on. I have my daughter's and grandchildren. But they don't need me, well my Emily does,she says i'm her best friend. We are very close. And me and Lacey ,too,she is Em's 15 year old. Then she has Kinlyn,she is 15 months. I got to be here for them. Not that i want to go anywhere,but sometimes i do.
I don't need no man right now,i know. I told Tony we can be friends.
Well i got to go for now. But you know my realationship or lack of one bothers me bad. It hurts but when we are around one another its stressful.
Thanks,,Bless you
 
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MissCaptainKirk replied to Dixierebal54's response:
Sounds like a cute dog!

I'm glad that you've got people in your family who care about you. Stay strong for them.

If being around Tony makes you stressed, stop being around him. You don't need him. You don't need more stress. Be free!
 
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Dixierebal54 replied to MissCaptainKirk's response:
Thanks, oh my dog is my buddy. Yea,Tony or any man makes me nervous. You're right i don't need them.
Oh i do try to stay strong for my girls.

Bless You,,,
 
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MissCaptainKirk replied to Dixierebal54's response:
If you aren't comfortable being around men then enjoy being single and free to do what you want!
 
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Dixierebal54 replied to MissCaptainKirk's response:
Oh i do enjoy being single. I hate being at the beck and call of a man. But they are not my problem. I am my pr0blem. My emotions are crazy,my moods drive me nuts. Oh never mind.. Goodnight..
 
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az330 replied to Dixierebal54's response:
Sometimes I wish I could be single again. Mine doesn't seem to understand my depression. They only get frustrated when I don't want to talk or when I am moody. Enjoy being single.
 
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MissCaptainKirk replied to Dixierebal54's response:
All of us have emotions that are out of whack. You are not alone. It seems like maybe you have a lot of hurt? Maybe you just need some time to heal.
 
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Dixierebal54 replied to az330's response:
Oh,believe me i do enjoy being single. None of my husbands understood my depression. They just added to it and my anziety. They were abbusive if not pshically or emontionaly or both. I don't never want to live with another man. I just get lonely sometimes. I hope your life gets better.
 
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Dixierebal54 replied to MissCaptainKirk's response:
I guess i need a lot of time, like the rest of my life.
 
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SaraKG responded:
We come from VERY different back grounds, but I relate to several of your concerns. Maybe not to the same degree of which you are expriencing them, but I too struggle with some of these issues I am angered by the thought of not having an explanation for any of it. Stress seems to be the most popular cause of my issues (so I am told) although I am not sold on that idea at all. Thanks heavens we have dogs, they seem to serve a much higher purpose than marital companions. Dogs really are mans best friend.
 
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MissCaptainKirk replied to Dixierebal54's response:
There's nothing that says you have to be in a relationship with a man, ever. You can be single forever and guess what? It is perfectly fine. If you want to just focus on you, do it. Don't let a man keep you from doing what you need.


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