What's The Point
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An_239869 posted:
Let me give you a little background. I am 21 years old, I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression a year ago August which was around the same time that I was accepted into nursing school. I was waiting to be accepted into the program for over a year and a half and I didn't think of how this would affect my emotions. We were told before that we are basically giving up out life for a year to this program, I didn't take it seriously.

I've lived a very sheltered life and when I finally got out into the world a little more I saw that everything wasn't all bubble gum and lollipops. I knew that but at the same time I didn't. I don't have the life experience that I need to deal with this illness. I need help! My family has been completely awesome in understanding and there were some times that were touch and go. But now it's different.

I don't see a way out of this. I'm tired of living like this, I'm tired of being sick, I'm tired of living in this world and having to see everything crumble around me. What do "normal" people do when things become overwhelming?

If it wasn't for school I would never have left my room for the past year. Now school is over. I graduate now and I am out on my own. I don't think that I would make a good nurse and I'm terrified that I am going to kill someone. At the same time I am dealing with what I have going on in my head.

I'm not scared of dying. I don't believe that we all go to heaven or hell. I believe that when we die we're dead, nothing happens, we are dead. Anyway, the point is dying doesn't scare me. And if it weren't for my family and dear friends I wouldn't be here anymore. My mom says that there is light at the end of the tunnel but to me the tunnel is too long to see the light.

I don't know if I am making any sense. I think I just needed to get this out. I just don't know what to do anymore!!
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resttheweary responded:
Your right. Life in itself is scary. All the paperwork, red tape, talking and using all the "right terms' with people. I congratulate you on completing your nuring program. That's way more than I've done with my life. Best advice i can give you is to be in combat mode whenever you go outside your home. Not everyone is on your side, and those that don't aggree with me certainly don't know the whole picture. There will always be someone to trip you up or try to, so be one step ahead of them. You are just starting out, and so far, i think you've done well, as going to college in itself scares the crap out of me! I'm hoping to go next year, i've got two small children though. So keep your hopes up, you're doing great, just keep your eyes open and don't give out too much info to the wrong people. Good luck!
 
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susiemargaret responded:
hello, A296 --

are you in therapy or taking psych meds?

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.