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I also have those feelings on a daily basis, on a second to second basis, but like onlysis said take one minute at a time to get through just for an hour then TRY again 1 minute at a time.....I try so hard to get those bad thoughts out of my head and I can't.....My therapist told me she has worked with families & friends who have suffered the loss of a loved one because of bad thoughts in there head & such sadness inside there hearts and souls...and she says they suffer....they suffer tremendously especially with feelings of guilt. It's because of this that I haven't hurt myself yet....because of my family and my 1 friend.....Please hang in there 
You are so loved....I know you are 
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