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AZ330 posted:
[TRIGGER] Have you ever been lost in your thoughts that you get can't out of your own head??? I can't snap out of this and its taking its toll on everything in my life. I found out today that I will be needing surgery. Life just keeps getting better and better....I am drowning. I feel so lost.
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MarySings responded:
AZ, you may feel lost but you really have been found! You are found on this website where other people can offer a kind word. Others can make suggestions on how to take care of yourself.

I'm sorry you are having physical problems with your depression issues. That would certainly seem to knock your feet out from under you - I know it would do that for me!

Something that might help is for you to make to-do lists.
  • A list of what you want to take with you to the hospital.
  • A to-do list for the friend who will go to your house to gather the mail and water your plants.
  • A list of who is going to help you after the surgery.
  • Make a list of meals you want when you get home. If they need prepared ahead of time, do that and store them in the freezer. Be sure to label each meal.

I don't mean to be flippant at all. I know it seems like I am always giving you writing assignments. I hope I don't overwhelm you but I find writing can be a great distraction. And in your case, you'll need those lists so things go smoothly while you are away from home and then when you return.

Hugs and much love to my friend, AZ.

Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
 
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AZ330 replied to MarySings's response:
Mary,

I am just overwhelmed with everything right now. Nothing seems to be getting better. Surgery scares me and is somewhat triggering to me. I am angry I even need surgery because if things hadn't happen to me as a little girl I wouldn't have all this scarring that needs to removed.....I am disgusted with it all. My depression is out of control and I just don't care anymore. Its hard to reply sometimes but I take your advice and you are right that writing is a distraction. You do not overwhelm me. I appreciate your kind words. Thank you for the hugs. I need them.

AZ
 
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Chris_WebMD_Staff responded:
Oh surgery? I'm so sorry AZ!
I know life just keeps throwing things at us! I'm included in that. Hold on hon, and look forward to getting past that sugery and well. We are here for you, vent and talk with us, I hope that helps.
(((hugs)))))
Chrissy~

When the world says, Give up,
Hope whispers, Try it one more time.
~Author Unknown
 
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AZ330 replied to Chris_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thank you Chris..... I feel like crying but the tears just won't come out. You guys are all I have. I start a new tdoc next week. and boy oh boy am I a mess I haven't been to therapy in over a month. My last tdoc screwed me over and left me hanging. How is that legal???....I feel so sad right now....
 
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susiemargaret replied to AZ330's response:
hello, AZ --

i'm so sorry you have to have surgery; it really is unfair.

i hope all goes well with your new therapist.

it is OK to feel sad; acknowledge that, then try to focus on something else. if you can, you can; if you can't, you can't. don't beat yourself up for feeling bad; it's not your fault.

i send you many caring thoughts and hope things will get better soon.

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
 
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AZ330 replied to susiemargaret's response:
Susiemargaret,

Thank you for your encouraging words. Its been real tough lately. I can't "snap" out of my funk. I am on new meds and they haven't kicked in yet. I feel absolutely miserable. The thoughts of ending it all come more and more frequently. Its hard to think positive when your world is crashing down on you!.
 
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susiemargaret replied to AZ330's response:
hello, AZ --

i know exactly what you are talking about; i wasn't meaning to suggest that you could "snap out of it"! if we could snap out of it, we would; for some inexplicable reason, that seems not to be obvious to people who don't suffer from depression. who would want to feel that way?

please try not to focus on ending your life; that is not the answer. have we given you a list of crisis lines you can call when you feel close to being out of control that way, http://www.webmd.com/help/crisis-resources ? have you printed out some copies to keep in every room in your house, including the kitchen and bathrooms and your wallet/purse?

if talking with someone at a crisis line doesn't help, please, please go to the ER. if you have no one to drive you, call 911 or the police if you have to.

you have started on new meds; that is good. please give them a chance to work. just try to manage one day at a time, or one 12-hr period, or even one hr at a time -- whatever interval you think you can realistically handle. when that one is up, sign on for another one.

since it was five days ago when you said you would be seeing a new counselor "next week," i'm hoping your apptmt is tomorrow or the next day (or even today!). try to hold on for just a little while longer; we are all sending good thoughts to you.

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
 
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AZ330 replied to susiemargaret's response:
[TRIGGER] Susie-
I am still here. I have been struggling to stay safe. I am really nervous and scared about having my surgery but I know it has to be done. I am in too much pain. I know its not helping my depression or vice versa. I have alot to do before then so I hope it can be a distraction. I see my new therapist on Thursday....I don't know how much one session will help but I hope she can help me sort out my thoughts. The thoughts of suicide are still there. I just want the pain to stop.
 
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MarySings replied to AZ330's response:
AZ, I hope you don't mind if I jump into this conversation.

I've been thinking about your therapy session. I believe it would be wise for you to work on your fear of the surgery. Let her help you with your fear. Make plans for your next therapy session to address the suicide issue.

When is your surgery? I will want to pray specifically for you on that day.

The pain will continue after your surgery for probably several weeks. Be sure that you discuss pain med(s) before your discharge from the hospital. Just remember on those days of recovery that the pain will eventually go away. Find patience to help you get through that. Also, do not skip therapy unless you simply can't get there.

Be safe, AZ. I care for you very much!

Hugs,
Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
 
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susiemargaret replied to AZ330's response:
hello, AZ --

mary gives very good advice.

please try to hang on, just one day at a time, until thursday. you can do this; i know it.

we are concerned about you and send you caring thoughts.

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
 
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AZ330 replied to susiemargaret's response:
very tired and in alot of pain struggling to hold on....
 
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susiemargaret replied to AZ330's response:
hello again, AZ --

tonight is one night to get thru. then there will be only two more nights to get thru. try to take them one at a time.

if you start feeling out of control, please call a crisis line, http://www.webmd.com/help/crisis-resources , and talk with someone there. in fact, why don't you go to that site right now and print out several copies. then you can keep one in every room in your house, including the kitchen and bathrooms and your wallet/purse; you will have it near you if you need it.

if that doesn't help enough, please, please go to an ER. they will know how to help you. if you don't have anyone to drive you, call 911 or the police if you have to.

i know that you have been struggling for a long time; try to hang on for just one more night, then two quick ones more.

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
 
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AZ330 replied to susiemargaret's response:
The suicidal thoughts are still there....I can feel it all building up inside of me. I feel like I'm shutting down. Depression has wrapped its hands around my neck! I can't breathe....Thank you for caring ladies.
 
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susiemargaret replied to AZ330's response:
hello, AZ --

we are here with you. i will be on and off the computer for a couple of more hours and will check in on you.

you got thru last night. that is one night fewer that you have to endure until your apptmt with your therapist.

please keep the list of crisis lines, http://www.webmd.com/help/crisis-resources , close to you, and use it if you need to. if that doesn't help enough, please, please go to the ER. if you have no one to drive you, call 911 or the police if you have to.

these thoughts are only thoughts, AZ. they are your depression speaking, not your true self, and you don't have to act on them.

i send you many caring thoughts; we are very concerned about you, please let us know you are all right.

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.


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