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Can a family member make another family member depression?
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Oconomom6 posted:
I have a question: Can a family member make another family member depressed?
I am speaking of myself.. Just by the words and actions that a family makes on a daily basis is starting to depress me. I believe that my husband is making me depressed.

Can you tell me if that can happen?

Thanks, Oconomom6
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soulkeepers responded:
Hi Oconomom6,


Sorry you are in that kind of situation.To answer your question yes it can happen.People have told me not to listen to negative people and what they say.But words can and they do hurt and if you consume yourself with such then it will lead to someone being depressed.

Have you spoken to him about how his words makes you feel?...If not I think you should have a talk about how much it hurts you.No one should have to go through daily and it needs to stop.The longer it goes on the deeper the depression is going to be.

Hope things work out for you and you start to feel better soon.
 
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sweetypie295 replied to soulkeepers's response:
Sure it can happen. You can chose how you react to his comments... (easier said then done) You can learn not to take offence at his comments.

What he is saying that is making you feel crappy?
Is your spouse depressed himself?
How long has this been going on?
 
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needingrelief replied to sweetypie295's response:
Yes, I believe it can happen. Learning how to respond to him is very hard to do. I had been in talk therapy for just over a year and learned how to set boundaries and control my exposure to and reaction to everyone in my life but him. He refuses to think that his actions/words are responsible. Throughout the course of our nearly 25 year marriage he has said and done things (not physically abusive) that have left me feeling worthless. Remember it is the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back. Just many things that wear you down.

Find a good therapist who can help you see what is going on and can help you learn to set up your boundaries.
 
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Thomas L Schwartz, MD responded:
Perhaps... Being in repeated stressful situations can. If you are abused, that can... Overall though at the end of the day, you control you and likely how you feel
 
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needingrelief replied to Thomas L Schwartz, MD's response:
Sometimes people need help with learning how to take control of how they feel. It is especially hard when the stressful situation is caused by the person in the most important relationship of your life. Therapy really helped me learn to take control.
 
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Oconomom6 replied to sweetypie295's response:
This has been going on for 25 years and I have done well controlling some of the situations but lately he has become very unstable with how he handles his family situations. I think he may be bi polar with all the mood swings he has. My older boys stay away as much as possible. My daughter and I talk about this when he upsets her which can be quite often. My youngest is greatly affected by this and I have noticed in his school work but can tolerate him only when they are both playing Paintball together. I have thought about leaving, but he has threatened that he would take all the money in our savings and spend it therefore leaving no money for anyone to use (moving expenses etc).

The thing is he can tell you till you are blue in the face what exactly you have done wrong, but when anyone else tries to talk with him or try to tell him what he is doing wrong, he gets upset and goes goes off the deep end at times.

Frustrated!!!! Oconomom6
 
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Plaincountry responded:
I believe they can as it happens to me. When someone puts you down, especially a loved one, it tends to depress a person. I think at times they don't know they're doing it, other times it's a means of control
 
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Barbels54 replied to Oconomom6's response:
Sounds like my ex husband. I'm sorry that you are going thru this. Do you have family members that you can turn to? Depending on where you live, there may be several resources available that will give you options on how to handle the situation. I feel for you and your children. Please keep in touch on this forum.

Barbara
 
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CCWow replied to Oconomom6's response:
It is time for you to make a change for you and your children. I know where you are coming from. I and my children have had the same experiences and damaging affects it has caused. The destructive, irresponsible, impulsive and stark emotional behaviors associated with possible bi-polar issues your husband exhibits. We went through a lot of the very same things before diagnosis and professional help. Still ongoing process. Know that is not you or your childrens fault. Your husband needs to be assessed, diagnosed, and possible medication and talk therapy on a consistent basis. Men are great at trying to avoid this,even more so with bi-polar and staying with the program once he gets the help. Find the support for you and your kids through family support and friends. It is entirely up to your husband in making this better for himself and you and your children as a family. If he chooses not to, you need to make a hard decision to leave it behind and move on with your lives for you're own mental and physical wellbeing. With bi-polar sometimes they never seem to get a grasp on how much they affect the ones around them. I know the grief you feel for yourself and your children and how much you have all been through. Can last a lifetime for all concerned. It sounds like very abusive behavior towards all of you for too long. He is trying to manipulate you and control you into staying by threatening to pull the finances from the family. That is irrational behavior and wants to be controlling. Don't buy that from him. You don't have to put up with any of it if he decides to continue on this path. Destructive personality. He needs to get the help. Take care of you now and your children. You may need to emotionally distance yourself from the turmoil for a while. Suggested from the professionals for me to do . It was hard to do at first but it helped me greatly to continue going forward and in helping the children and the situation in our daily living. In other words,blocking and distancing the affects and not taking his behavior too much to heart when he seems to be venting on you and the kids and hurting everyone around him, and the moodiness that goes along with bi-polar. Very important to do. Stay positive and surround yourself with supportive family,friends,and professional therapy specialists. The kids need the therapy too to help them understand it all. Praying for you and your family. I hope this helps you You are not alone.
 
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swayedsuede responded:
For oconomom6. I replied to your question, but it is under the question " Can verbal abuse cause depression " ? I hope it is helpful. I was in a 25 year marraige, with verbal abuse being one of the problems. I am divorced now, but getting to the point where I was able to decide that I wasn't going to put up with it anymore, took a long time. I became depressed, and felt 'trapped' in a hopeless situation. But with counseling, I was able to get to the point where I was able to end the marraige. It takes some of us longer than others, but I believe it's better late than never. And the depression has lifted, once I took back the control of my destiny. I believe that when you're able to do that, yours will too. I wish you the best. Let me know if my other post was helpful.
 
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An_244037 responded:
Yes, family members can cause us to feel depressed. I think the best thing to do, when this happens, is to talk to that individual how they are making you feel. Also, talk threapy, whether it's a close friend, who's not judgemental, but will listen to you, or even a threapist, these types of people may be able to help you to deal with the family, or family members that is causing your misery.

If you don't do anything about trying to solve your problems, your depression can lead to bitter resentment towards your family member that will grow like cancer out control if the issues are not resolved over a period of time.

The reason why I know this is because at this current time, I've fallen out of love with my husband who has caused my depression for a number of years. Also, because of my depression, my feelings for him has turned into resentment for him. I just don't like him, his character, his touch, NOTHING. Please pray for me, because we have two children and one of them is an 13 year old autistic son, and if I were to leave him, raising a child like our son will be very difficult for me.

However, I am going to take my own advice. I am currently taking medication to function, and I will soon be starting talk threapy again. This (Threapy) has helped me in the past.

Oconmom6, best wishes and speedy recovery to you.

Sincerely
CHall47
 
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jusick responded:
Many people are born with the gene for depression. For some it never happens. However, in many cases, including my own
35 year battle, there needs to be a catalyst to kick that depression gene in gear. Stress is often the catalyst. So, yes a family member can be the catalyst.
 
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50plusCanuck replied to jusick's response:
Hurtful behaviour from my adult child almost drove me to suicide. Talk therapy really helped. I learned how to let go of her (really, really hard). Doing much better now, but it was a long and very difficult journey.
 
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alan1018 responded:
Hi Oconomom6 ,

Actually, I had to think about this question after reading all the posts, especially the post from Dr. Schwartz.

I have a very strong predisposition to depression genetically and have suffered with it for nearly 40 years, my entire adult life. Most of the time my mood is fine and medication serves me well.

Normal spats and even more severe stressors do not make me depressed. I have learned how to handle unhappy situations and that, I believe has helped me. Even now, one of my kids is having a very hard time through no fault of his own. In the past this might have triggered a depressive episode but by talking with him and trying to help him and not standing by idly I have avoided depression.

So, I am afraid my answer as I puzzled it out is this.

Your husband cannot cause your depression. It is how you deal with the situation that causes your depression. It is likely that you need some talk therapy to work through the fear you talk about, why not take the savings before he does?

I am sorry that things are so difficult and hope you find the inner strength to deal with a situation that is obviously unhealthy for you.