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soulkeepers posted:
[TRIGGER] >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

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I never consider myself to be in a crisis not even when I'm feeling down and out.Have been depressed for three months now over a string of issues and today I'm deeply depressed.I'm agitated,emotionally all over the place,I have self harm a little and anxious to do more and with that I still don't consider to be in a crisis.When people ask me if I am I don't acknowledge it the least.

Just when I think that I'm pulling myself out of this hole something or someone knocks me back down deeper.Friday I said I was done no more doctors,meds,courtrooms and no more people BS.I just keep telling myself it's all going to be OK.I thought I could handle anything but this is getting worst.
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Chris_WebMD_Staff responded:
Soulskeepers I do know you cannot just quit your meds and doctor. Also, hurting yourself is never the answer.
Please keep these crisist numbers near. Reach out for help, you deserve help. You can see what you are doing is not working. Hope you check in again soon.
Chrissy~

When the world says, Give up,
Hope whispers, Try it one more time.
~Author Unknown
 
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chez1 responded:
Hi Soulkeepers, sorry you are having all of these thoughts and feelings. I understand that you feel you are not in a crisis but it feels that if you are not there, you will be soon. Please do not stop meds and doctors, talk to someone, it is ok to admit that you are struggling at the moment, people do care.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing and look for distractions to help stop self harm
Take care
Cx
 
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soulkeepers replied to Chris_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thanks Chris,

Yes that very known and you are right about stopping meds and docs.Self harm is a coping skill that has been used since the age of ten and it just manifested in the last couple of days.It's a lot of frustration cause of a legal matter with the mother.Combining that with the out of control panic attack in from the session Wednesday caused a fragment.If you are familiar with DID,It caused the aggressive personality to surface.Taking a dip into the childhood was a little too sudden and was eager to keep the secrets hidden at all cost.

So Friday I stop taking the meds and starting drinking.Realizing that wasn't helping anything but creating problems with the ones that were already there.Just a escalating situation but it needs to be address and taken care of.Liquor - meds and a safe place to explore the issues=A lot of anger,hate,uncontrolled emotions and a torn ACL.

So yesterday got started back on meds.Amitriptyline HCL 50mg at bedtime and fluoxetine 20mg daily.Going to therapy on Friday cause it's a place for those feelings and emotions to be explored with people who have the skills and knowledge to do so.Just have to allowed them to come up and out without feeling like there's some kind of punishment if it's talked about.Without someone's help then you're just stuck in one spot and not making any progress at all.

The biggest challenge is staying COMMITTED to doing what needs to be done in order to be somewhat OK with life and my selves.Again thanks for your saying what needed to be when I didn't see it in front of me.I'm sorry if you were concern cause there's so many people on here that's really struggling with so many problems.

Evonne
 
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soulkeepers replied to chez1's response:
Thanks Chez1,


Glad you spoke on the matter as well.And sometimes it's hard to admit when you're struggling or need help.Thanks for reminding me that it's OK to ask for help from someone.I know tons of people on here care and you reminded of that also.

Sometimes it's easy to detour my thoughts to something else.And there's other times when I just as the hell with everything.I have to commit to not letting my/selves be taken so easily by negative things when depression hits.

You take care too and again thanks.

Evonne
 
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chez1 replied to soulkeepers's response:
hi, hope you are managing to stay on track and think of the positives and taking care of yourself
Cx
 
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soulkeepers replied to chez1's response:
Thanks Chez1,


I'm trying too but it's not easy.Which I know it's not going to be and I'm gonna stick with it.Had a rough session today and things will be rough for a while before they get better.At least that's the mind frame I have right now.


In the end the hard work will pay off and for the better.

Thanks again for being so kind and concern.

Evonne


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