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Jaylien5 posted:
[TRIGGER] I need to talk to someone. I am so depressed.I just don't want to hold on anymore. To be honest I've reached to point that I am scared of myself.
Reply
 
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lukeperry responded:
You can talk to me, or a number of people on here. We have all been where you are right now, at some time in our life. Tell me a little bit about what's going on. Why do you feel so bad? Did a certain thing happen, or is it from an ongoing situation? Can you go to a mental health care facility? Try your GP first, he can recommend a doctor, plus he can give you medication, while your waiting.

Try to keep your mind busy, by doing crossword, or jigsaw puzzles. Put a cap on your head(my hair was always dirty when I felt like you, because I never took a shower) put a head set on and go for a walk. These things might sound silly, but all your doing is trying to get through this one day! Make yourself take a shower.

If you make yourself do normal things, and pretend to feel normal, it helps you feel that way. When your mind starts running wild, where you start thinking about one thing and the next thing you know, it's turned into a million gigantic problems. That's called snowballing. The only way to stop that from happening, is to tell yourself STOP thinking right now.

When you start doing that, make a list of things that you need to do. Put them in order of there importance. Is there anything on the list that has to be done today? If not, stop thinking about it, and all the other stuff.(you can take care of tomorrow things, when it's necessary) All you want to do is get through today.

Do stupid stuff that you've been putting off. Clean a room, straighten out a drawer, take a shower, or anything. And every time you do one of these things, pat yourself on the back, and tell yourself "That was GREAT, you did it!" Because, for people like us, it is great! What other people find easy, is sometimes hard for us, so you do deserve a pat on the back!

Mental illness is just as much of a disease, as cancer. People can't see our disease, so they say stupid things, like snap out of it! Do you know of anybody who can snap out of cancer? Sense they can't see it, they don't believe it. They are ignorant people, plus they're scared. They know deep down inside that if it happened to you, it could happen to them.

Write me and tell me how your doing today, Please try some of my tricks, because they really work. You have nothing to lose.

Luke
 
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Jaylien5 replied to lukeperry's response:
I am in mental health and I take 2 depression meds. There is A lot of things happening right now. First of all I am a mother of 5, 4 of them are teenagers. One of them has problems. She beats on me, swears, throws things and spits on me. She has been in and out of foster care. Because of her behavior Social Services is trying to take the rest of my kids. They are all starting to become out of control. Iam sick of them disrespecting me, calling me nasty names. People are also starting rumors about me. I have also been having disgusting and threatening phone calls. There is so much fighting around me. Also my past is haunting me. I have stopped talking to my parents too. This is just scratching the surface. Honestly I am ready to get out. Searching internet for easiest way.
 
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lissmeanstrouble replied to lukeperry's response:
Aww Ill take Lukes advice anyday!
Hes right You are not alone in this, there are alot of us here that fully understnad how hard it is to get through bad days.
But once you get moving, it will make you feel better.
 
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Jaylien5 replied to lukeperry's response:
Someone please come on. I need someone now.
 
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AnnieBHappy replied to Jaylien5's response:
Hi Jaylien5...AnnieBHappy here! Jaylien, I'm not going to try to undermine the challenges you have right now. They do seem by your description like A LOT to deal with. Just like the rest of us though, you have to hang in there. Refrain from looking up that info you referred to about finding the 'easiest way out'. Try to stay grounded as best you can. Do you have a Family Physician you can go talk to for some help, answers, direction?
Don't give up, you have friends, those of us rooting for you here on this site! Am visualizing strength and fortitude for you...AnnieBHappy
 
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Jaylien5 replied to AnnieBHappy's response:
[TRIGGER] Too late. I looked, I saw, I found. I don't care anymore. It's gotta end.
 
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Anon_149106 replied to Jaylien5's response:
Jaylien5,

I too have had a VERY rough time of it this past year. I have a husband who I know is depressed, but won't seek help. Two teenagers who I believe to also be depressed ( one was diagnosed last month...he's only 12). The older one I suspect has issues going on, but won't see help either.

I am completely at my wit's end too! But nothing is worth making a choice that you can't undo. Yes, your kids are giving you a difficult time, but they're still your kids. As for what others are saying?? They're ignorant, plain and simple. They can't know your whole situation or what life's been like raising kids alone. People say stupid, hurtful things when they don't understand something. My kids can be so cruel to me, but I blame my husband because he speaks to me like crap much of the time....calls me names, insults me, etc. As soon as I'm finished my degree (soon!!) I'm filing for a divorce. Right now, I work and go to school full time so I can't afford to move out with my kids and my husband won't leave. It's been a dead end marriage for years, but I prayed hard for Him to show me what to do. The next thing I was doing was applying to college. I had no money for school so I searched for grants and found plenty.

I'm now almost finished my master's degree. It's been a hard road, but my goal is to get a better paying job to support my kids and me.

You said you work in MH. Perhaps you could get a referral for someone other therapist so your office doesn't know all of your business and you'll be more comfortable.

Before you do anything, call the suicide hotline in your area. If you don't know that number, call 911 for yourself. You need to take care of YOU in orde to take care of your kids and give them what they need.

Keep in touch and don't give up!!

LW
 
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AnnieBHappy replied to Jaylien5's response:
Hi Jaylien5: Please read Anon_149106's reply as well...
I agree fully.
Where there is Life there is Hope. Call the Suicide Hotline. Call 911. We're counting on you to keep on keeping on as best you can. If you can no longer hang on; call those numbers, do anything other than harm yourself. We're counting on hearing from you soon. You give us all hope. You give us all strength; as you are a trooper, that's for certain, with all that's on your plate. Keep Yourself Alive for us all, okay Jaylien5. I'm counting on you and am in your corner, AnnieBHappy
 
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Jaylien5 replied to AnnieBHappy's response:
[TRIGGER] hey guys. L W what I meant is I am seeing someone at MH. I did end up going to and online chat with the suicide crisis hotline last niht. They then turned aaround and contacted my local Police who escorted me to the Comprehensive Psychiatric Emergency Program at a hospital. By the time I went through ER, saw on call Dr and was taking to have interview with therapist I ended up being there 9 hours. The messed up part is while I was in ER waiting I cut my wrist but no one noticed. Anyway, by the time I went to interview I had been up all night (again) and just told them I was fine and I would be ok to go home. God's honest truth...I'm not fine.
 
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Anon_149106 replied to Jaylien5's response:
[TRIGGER] Jaylein,

Go back to the hospital. Call the hotline again or 911. Tell them you cut your wrist. You need to tell them the whole truth about how you feel, how you hurt yourself, and that you're NOT fine. They don't need your life story about your problems with the kids, the neighbors, etc., but they need you to tell them the truth. They can start you on meds and get you other help immediately. Just knowing you're going to get help will take a huge load off your shoulders. You don't have to suffer through this alone. You can do this Call them back now and we'll wait to hear back from you. PLEASE do this!!

Keep us posted....everyone on here truly cares

LW
 
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Jaylien5 replied to Anon_149106's response:
[TRIGGER] L W,

I know I should go back to the hospital but I can't. I really can't. If I was to back and be admitted it would make it that much more difficult to win the court battle for my kids. I want them to be able to stay at home with my husband eve if I'm not here. Also, it's not just the kids. I was recently beaten really bad and I have to go for an MRI because there is so much damage to my knee. The best part, (not) I can't even press charges against the guy. Because of this happenning to me people started making up rumors because they didn't know the truth. Then people started telling me (to my face) that I'm a bad mother. Plus, I have been living with a chronic disease in my back that causes me to be in pain every day.There isn't anything positive in my life so there isn't a reason for me to fight.
 
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AnnieBHappy replied to Jaylien5's response:
[TRIGGER] Hey Jaylien...If I'm not stepping out of line here, I'd advise you to return to the hospital as another blogger suggested. Right now, and I know this will be difficult for you to agree with, you need to take care of you. As you stated, you cut your wrist, and that's very serious and right now, you need to take care of you. The best way to take care of your kids right now, is to look after you. I know it's so easy for me to type these words and so extremely difficult for you to just simply keep going. I in no way want you to feel that we don't understand the complexity and extreme hardship your facing. You've got a lot on your plate to say the least. And I'm proud that you've tried to reach out at the hospitial and would suggest you continue to be brave and return and tell them the truth about your self harm. Don't hurt yourself anymore, okay Jaylien5. Please don't. Get help, okay. Let us know what's going on with you; I'm relieved just to see you're still typing. Go back to get help. We're thinking of you here and we want what's best for you. Believe that, and also, try to want what's best for you too, for us, okay? Thanks Jaylien5, for hanging in there, keep on, A.B.H.
 
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Jaylien5 replied to AnnieBHappy's response:
[TRIGGER] I have no words anymore. These tears streaming down my face are my words. Ya'll think I'm messed up right? Well I'm really not. Just a normal person who has been pushed way past my limits.
 
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AnnieBHappy replied to Jaylien5's response:
[TRIGGER] Hey Jaylien. No, I never think anyone is 'messed up'...I don't use that type of terminology when referring to a human. I'm kinder than that. And, yes, I agree, with everything you have to deal with, even if you weren't in a depressive state, you'd be pushed past human limits. You must be an incredibly strong individual deep down inside as you've hung in there so far. What is 'normal' anyway. I'm just aiming for functional right now. Trust that we want what's best for you and that you're not being judged on this site. I can't speak for everyone, but I don't judge people. We're all just trying to do our best in this life. Who is one to cast a stone? We all live in glass houses...none of us is perfect...that's not even the human experience being flawless. One would have to live in a vacuum to experience perfection. Each of us has a story, and each of us is just trying to continue to write. Some have more challenges to face than others, and yes, that can most definitely impede our ability to write the story to our liking. But try your best Jaylien, try your best for you, for us, and for your story. Every time I see you've typed I'm just happy that you're there. Happy you haven't given up. We Care. AnnieB.Happy


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