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    Giving up
    deasertrose posted:
    [TRIGGER] I think Thursday is the day. I'm tired of being the one that saves the day. I've had 2 days off of work in 2 weeks and when there is no one else to work the shift of course I'll say I'll do it. I have a bunch of other issues that I don't want to talk about now. Just want to say thanks for listening.
    CMH7054 responded:
    I hate being the one that everyone counts on--"But you're so good at it!" Hard-workers like us get dumped on. I get dumped on at work because I have no children, so everyone thinks I have all kinds of time. You have my sympathy-I know how you feel.
    lukeperry replied to CMH7054's response:
    I just have one question to ask both of you. Why do you do it? Why don't you say,'No, I'm sorry but I can't do it tonight." Why do either of you, let all these people dump on you? Why can't they do it? Or why can't somebody else do it?

    Why do you think that the world will fall apart, if you say no? No matter what you think about you having more time, because you don't have a family or just don't want to do it. You shouldn't have to do it all the time. People are using you because you always say yes. Why don't you think you deserve the same respect as anybody else?

    CMH7054 replied to lukeperry's response:
    Because I am afraid people will be mad at me. This is one of the things I need to process. I have long considered myself the World's Finest Doormat. I don't like it and I am working on it. That is why I go to therapy and am in this support group. I have already gotten better at saying, "I can't do it." and making sure I don't offer to do someone else's job for them. I responded to Deasertrose because I understand how she feels.
    susiemargaret responded:
    hello, D --

    i'm not quite sure what you mean by "thursday is the day," but i'm here to tell you that if you can get thru tuesday, you can get thru wednesday. and if you can get thru wednesday, you can get thru thursday. you can get thru however many days you need to.

    you do not always have to be "the one who saves the day!" why don't you stand in front of the mirror and practice.

    -- boss/friend/spouse, whoever -- CMH, can you work three extra shifts? AB's son has his basketball games he needs to go to.

    -- CMH -- oh, i'm so sorry, i can't. {then stop talking}

    -- {sort of awkward pause, with boss/friend/spouse, waiting for you to cave in}

    -- {you, not giving in}

    -- boss/friend/spouse -- oh, i thought you might be able to, because usually you're available.

    -- CMH -- no, i'm sorry, i can't do it.

    -- boss/friend/spouse {sighing} -- oh, well. i'll ask CD instead.

    this will be very hard the first several times you do it, but the more often you go thru it, the easier it will become.

    note that not giving an excuse relieves you of tedious explanations justifying your own plans. remember also that it is not anyone's "right" to have access, or be entitled, to your days off. and, actually, it is not even a lie that you already have plans for thursday. you do -- your plans are to sit at home watching TV and then to go to bed early without having to lie there stewing about your anger and resentment.

    i send you caring thoughts and the hope that you will keep us posted on how you are doing.

    -- susie margaret
    what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
    susiemargaret replied to lukeperry's response:
    hello, CMH --

    did you read my previous response to D (right above this one)? that applies to you too. the reason people keep taking advantage of you and your own time off is because you allow them to. "but you're so good at it!" does not create the obligation to do it. no one else will ever get as good at it if they never get the chance!

    if someone gets annoyed at you because they thought they were entitled to your free time but you've told them "no," that is their problem, not yours. you are the one who gets to say what you do with your spare time.

    i send you caring thoughts and encouragement. please keep us posted.

    -- susie margaret
    what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
    Chris_WebMD_Staff responded:
    I'm not quite sure what you mean by Thursday is the day either, and I'd like to remind you to please keep others that read here in mind when you are posting. You need to use the word trigger in your post should you feel that it may upset someone reading.

    (((hugs))) I'm sorry you are in such a bad place. I encourage you to reach out for help, the help you deserve. Keep these Crisis Assistant Links close and use them should you feel you need the help.

    When the world says, Give up,
    Hope whispers, Try it one more time.
    ~Author Unknown

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