jaws86
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jaws86 posted:
[TRIGGER] I left treatment because it felt like they were saying the same things over and over like a robot I felt they showed no compassion. I am in a tough stretch; the pain meds I am taking makes me dizzy some times and I fell from a standing position (not good).Whats next? I'm having these feelings again about why even try going on. My pain is worse Heaving severe suicidal thoughts and I know from my medical training that if a person has a plan, they need to be in a hospital. Sometimes I have a plan but do not want to tell anyone; why bother. I feel there would be peace with death. I dont know what I want to do.
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MyRain responded:
[TRIGGER] Jaws,
I'm sorry the treatment was not helping you. Is there another program you can attend? It doesn't sound like you're in a very good place right now and I think you need around the clock care (and you seem to agree). Please reach out for help.
Caring thoughts to you.
 
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chez1 responded:
[TRIGGER] so sorry it wasnt working for you, but will you consider going back, at least you were safe there, limited ability to action a plan! who have you shared your thoughts with? where can you get help?
most of all i am sorry for your pain, i so wish i could take it from you.
sending you lots of caring wishes with buckets full of hugs to wrap round you
chez x
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
[TRIGGER] Dear Jaws,

I wonder if the treatment, despite feeling like it wasn't helpful, may have been a good place for you if it helped to keep you safe for now.
Please don't let this awful depression win. Understand that the depression is messing with your thinking.

You know what you need to do. Pick up the phone and call 911 or a crisis line or go to the hospital and tell them what you've told us here.

While we wish we could do that for you, we can't; only you can. Please get the help you need and deserve.
 
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jaws86 replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
I will try.
 
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jaws86 replied to chez1's response:
Please dont think I am high and mighty but we had mental health course that I think I could have tought the class at the hospital. Searching for a new faility that would work with me with payment plans. I am so tired of this. In all I think my depression started in junior high school with bullying (I was the being bullied) and had a step-father that was very physical and mentalally abusive who was an alcoholic drill sargent in the army; i.e. movie Full Mental Jacket'.He also told me several times that I should go ahead and kill myself and told me that I should have been born a girl. Im sorry, I cant talk about this anymore...
 
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jaws86 replied to jaws86's response:
Please dont worry about me.
 
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chez1 replied to jaws86's response:
jaws, you know I do worry for you, thank you and well done for starting to share some of your story, that must have been very difficult for you, I am here to listen/read more if you want to share, it might help you a little to share some, I am so sorry you had to go through it, and I understand that it is very difficult to relive, so will leave it with you.
I am glad to hear you are looking for another facility, it tells me that you still have some glimmer of hope, please try and get some rest and try to be kind to yourself
Lots of hugs
Chez x
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to jaws86's response:
I agree with Chez; we're going to worry about you.

Thank you for trusting us with part of your story and I'm sorry for all you've been through.

It's one thing to know or learn something on an intellectual level, and another to really work on it within ourselves and process all the emotional garbage that was thrown our way.

Keep reaching out. (((hugs)))