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How do I get my husband to understand what I'm going through?
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Hawtmom posted:
I have treatment resistant depression, I am very depressed, tired, withdrawn, I just want to sit around or sleep and he gets upset with me. How do I get him to understand I can't make myself feel like he does?
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Demons2011 responded:
The only thought that comes to mind is involving him in some of your sessions. I don't think those that don't have depression can relate. After all we have all had sad times, loss of family members, friends, jobs - etc. Those that have normal levels serotonin seem to rebound much faster and get on with living. We on the other hand don't. We are wired differently.

So maybe by involving him in some of the sessions, he might be able to relate better>
 
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Hawtmom replied to Demons2011's response:
thats a good idea, I will talk to my therapist and try that. I need him to understand so he doesnt get so upset with me.
 
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sweetypie295 replied to Hawtmom's response:
I also thing that is a great idea.
My dh is the one with depression. There have been a few times in my life when I have been sad so I try & relate those times with how he must be feeling. Has he ever a low moment in his life? If it is possible try and explain to him how you are really feeling.
It is hard to always remember that the depression is always there even when you seem to be ok.

I think it is wonderful that you want to try & help your husband understand what you are going through. You need a support system & I am sure he is willing to be there for you.
 
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Hawtmom replied to sweetypie295's response:
my husband is the type who thinks you just do something, just feel better, just have more energy, he doesnt understand how tired I feel all the time, like I just cant do it anymore. I am hoping my doctor helps me tomorrow and I can get on the right track but I think my husband needs to understand all the things that frustrate him are things I cant controll--being tired, crying, not being able to make a decision, needing to sleep alot, just wanting to sit alone in the house....I know it needs to get better but its not something I can snap my fingers and fix, ya know? I think having my therapist talk to him about major depression might be the best decision. I am a nurse but he doesnt listen to me.
 
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sweetypie295 replied to Hawtmom's response:
I do see your point. I know that many have said if it that was easy to snap out of it I would but I can't.
Having your therapist talk with him to try & help him understand so he can better support you sounds like a great idea.
Let us know how it goes.
Best of luck,
 
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jaded7364 responded:
I understand what you're feeling...my husband has been with me for almost 17 years and about 14 of those have been spent with me in a constant state of depression...granted it's been from "light" to "severe", but he's been with me...I read where involving him in my sessions with my therapist or psychiatrist, but he doesn't see how that would help. He has been beside me and patient, but I don't think he gets it even after all this time. I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar about 6 years ago. I have to pretend or put on a "happy face" most of the time because I think he's tired of all of it. It's like I should be "healed" by now...I'm sure this isn't helping you and I apologize, I just wanted you to know you're not alone...I love my husband more than anything and he's put up with alot from me, but like I said, I feel like he believes there's an end to it after so long and he's got an off button when I try to share certain things. That's why I have to pretend. My memory is so bad that I lose track of so many thing s and forget what I say and what he says...I have to make notes....just thankful the girls are grown. I'm sorry that I wasn't much help, but I know how you feel.
 
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mardee111 responded:
Hi so sorry for your troubles.
(I am just recently diagnosed with bipolar. Years ago I had been diagnosed with major depression and all my husband and I would do was argue about my "inaction." So at least now I have an accurate diagnosis - maybe he can understand bipolar better than depression (he used to believe I was simply "lazy" which I'm sure many depressed people get that opinion made of them).

The tip I offer is this - I wonder if there is some kind of support group people can go to whose loved ones have mental illness? If you perhaps send him to this rather than take him with you to your therapist. I never think it is a good idea for my husband to go to therapy with me - the 2 different times he came it was a disaster, but that's just us. ...

So, yes, wondering if there is something like what they have for children of alcoholics - support groups! That would be my tip to you. And I don't mean just a complaint session. It would have to be guided by a certified/licensed therapist who knows the clinical aspect of mental illnesses and not simply "MaryJane-whose-husband-is depressed" but who has NO training, doing a round table discussion with the attendees. That would not work, it could go very wrong. ...Loved ones of depressed individuals need support, and sometimes to step away from the situation, outside of it kind of, and talking with others in the same predicament sometimes might be better than going with you to your therapist. And it's likely that a combination of both might help?
Also wanted to say something to Jaded7364 - I feel for you and think the same as you - glad that my kids are grown so they don't have to see it! I feel/hope bipolar, if it can't be cured, can successfully be managed.

So sorry to EVERYONE for their troubles, no asks for mental illness. Take care!
 
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mardee111 replied to mardee111's response:
oops, I meant to say no one* asks for mental illness. (my very last sentence)
 
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sinjinza1984 replied to mardee111's response:
I agree with so much of what people have been saying here. I can understand so much of what others have shared about their experiences. I was diagnosed with clinical depression, general anxiety disorder, and OCD when I was 20, and have only managed to make it through difficult times thanks to my support network. But there are still some people who just don't get it, and tell me that if you feel "blue", you should just force yourself to feel better.
Hawtmom, the only way that I've managed to describe it so far is when two jocks were standing behind me in a queue one day, making fun of someone's sister because she got so depressed that she couldn't get out of bed for days at a time. One of them remarked, "If that chick was my sister, I'd walk in there and rip the covers off and not give her any option but to get up, because it's no fun going out with someone who's depressed. So no wonder she doesn't have a boyfriend. That's lame." The closest analogy that I could come up with to describe it was if one of them broke a leg and had to have pins and a cast put on, but their track coach just kept on yelling at them to stop laying around and go run a marathon. It's not that you wouldn't want to be able to do the things that you enjoy doing when you're not feeling depressed, it's just that you're unable to bring yourself to face them.
 
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mardee111 replied to sinjinza1984's response:
To Sinjinza1984... That is a very good analogy that you used. So true! I'm gonna remember that to use that next time I need to try to describe what having depression is like. Very true, if you were physically injured, no one would tell you forget about the cast or the pins or the brace you are wearing get up and run a 26 mile marathon. [br>[br>I feel for you. Take Care!
 
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sweetypie295 replied to sinjinza1984's response:
Wow that is a wonderful way to put it.

[if one of them broke a leg and had to have pins and a cast put on, but their track coach just kept on yelling at them to stop laying around and go run a marathon. It's not that you wouldn't want to be able to do the things that you enjoy doing when you're not feeling depressed, it's just that you're unable to bring yourself to face them.>

I to will have to use that. Thanks for the response!


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