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    Anon_168275 posted:
    I've written a few times about my husband's depression but I am really having a very hard time with him now.I reached out to his MD last week, asking to speak to him privately,(of course with my husband's permission) I realize that it would be more of a one-sided conversation since he can't reveal anything that they speak about, and I told him that I know that. He wanted to meet with both of us at the same time. In a "controlled" enviroment. I explained that what I wanted to speak to him about wasn't something that I wanted him to hide from my husband, just that it is easier for me to meet with him and be able to speak without my husband present. He is extremely defensive, extremely nasty(verbally) at times and extremely sarcastic. I can do without all of this when trying to explain to the MD he things he doesn't know the no showering for days on end, wearing the same clothes for a week. The fear and resistance to looking for a job (his company went under, so he has been UNEMPLOYED for 4 YEARS!!!) Days upon days spent playing video games on the computer. And like I said before, extreme sarcasm and nastiness at times. He's on zoloft/lithium. Was on lexapro, but no improvement. What do I do????? I'm also a nurse so I'm not totally uneducated regarding depression. I also think he suffers from another condition besides depression. I just don't know what it is.....
    Hawtmom responded:
    I think you are on the right track to speak to the doctor to explain your concerns, often they only hear one side of the story so hearing what you see and live with would be good. I dont know the answer to what is going on with your husband but I am sorry you are dealing with it. It must be so difficult! I hope things get easier for you. Sound like you need a break.
    sweetypie295 responded:
    I feel your pain. I don't like the sarcasm or the negativity.
    NAMI might be a website you could look at for some guidence. As the other person noted you talking to the Dr & telling him the things you see may help. If its not an apt may it be possable to talk over the phone about the issues you see?
    It isnt easy it is more like a rollacoaster at times. Has he always been like this or did something trigger this such as a loss of a job.
    You may also be interested in this website for spouses coping.
    Please remember you are not alone. ((hug))
    Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
    I hope you do get to speak with the doctor.

    FYI, you describe my exact circumstances many years ago with my then husband. His behavior was the same. It took time but things did improve. (Our marriage ended for reasons other than his depression.)

    In the meantime, be sure you are taking care of yourself too. It may help you to get your own counseling because you need and deserve support too.
    sunflower62509 replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
    Thanks everyone for responding. My husband has always been somewhat difficult.Stubborn,opinionated, full of pride and I hate to say but arrogant. He's very well -educated and had a very successful career in the corporate world before trying to start his own company. Major fail!! Bad economy, no marketing skills, definitely not able to sell his services. Fell into this depression gradually, I guess as he realized he was no longer "golden" and as prone to failure as everyone else. All of his contacts sort of dried up and I'm starting to think that maybe he wasn't as well liked as he once thought.The sad part is this is just one side of him, but the side that most people see. He is also funny, loving etc but I don't think many people see that.I've done some research and I think there is some kind of personality disorder that he suffers from.When he is angry, he becomes a monster. The things he says are beyond hurtful and he tries to inflict major emotional pain on me. And his arguments are totally irrational. The depression part I think stems from his loss of his identity( coporate man) and huge financial worries. The other part I think has always been there but is worse in times of stress. He loves children and animals, they bring out the best in him. But right now, he can't/won't do anything for himself. I am just destroyed by this...I am going to try and see his MD next week by myself during his appt.
    sweetypie295 replied to sunflower62509's response:
    Sounds like some pride got in the way. It seems that when people get their self esteem from what they can do it can be a down fall. At least that is what I am seeing in my own relationship.
    I would suggest as the other posted to see someone for yourself.
    You may want to read the book:
    "What To Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed" it has some very helpful tips. I know this is not easy. Please Please make sure you are taking care of yourself. Do something fun that will help you feel good.
    sweetypie295 responded:
    Here is a question for you:

    When pride falls what's left?
    jaws86 replied to sweetypie295's response:
    hope and rememberance
    sweetypie295 replied to jaws86's response:
    Do you think someone with depression could see that hope? Any thoughts on how to help them?
    sunflower62509 replied to sweetypie295's response:
    I have been very supportive during this time and I constantly tell my husband how important he is to me and how much I love him. And also, your not defined by your job. I think it's one of many pieces that make you who you are. I understand his frustration and feeling hopeless. I just don't know what else to do. The funny thing is I have my own depression demons, so I completely understand how during really bad times, it can distort your thinking. Like I mentioned in my other post, I think he might also suffer from some type of borderline personality disorder. The more I read about it, the more I recognize a lot of his behaviors.I 'm not currently seeing anyone for therapy. With my health insurance, I'm very limited to certain practioners, one being my husbands. It's ironic that I work at a hospital known for it's treatment of brain injuries, yet I can't find 1 decent MD or therapist in my plan. Thanks to everyone for taking the time to write. Today has been a pretty bad day and any thoughts you might share are very much appreciated.
    MyRain replied to sunflower62509's response:
    You have a lot on your plate. I don't know how you do it to be honest! How do you manage to support your husband while dealing with your own issues? Some days (ok, many days) I can hardly handle myself. It is nuts that you can't find a Dr to treat you! How I hope that changes.
    I have no answers for you, but I wanted you to know that we care. Hugs.
    sunflower62509 replied to MyRain's response:
    Thanks so much I just try to keep going but like I said earlier, today is a tough one. I also have to start a new (2nd) job in 3 weeks and I'm freaking out about it. I am lucky that I am able to find work with so many people unemployed, so I don't want to sound ungrateful, but having 2 jobs might put me over the edge I'm only doing it hoping it will help my husband feel a little more secure about our finances and help with some of his stress. I just hate the thought of having 2 jobs in a field that I want out of badly!!(nursing) Thanks again for your support!
    MyRain replied to sunflower62509's response:
    Oh my! It just doesn't end, does it?
    I'm so glad you found us here. Please keep writing. We understand and we care. Hugs to you!
    Hawtmom replied to sunflower62509's response:
    I hope you can find someone to treat you, as my therapist told me today, you cant fix the relationship until you take your journey of healing. I hope working 2 jobs you can find time to take care of yourself. You do have alot on your plate and nursing can be a tough field depending where you work. I hope things start looking up for you and your husband.
    sunflower62509 replied to Hawtmom's response:
    Thanks again for you support! I will keep you guys updated. I hope all is well with you also. Does anyone have any insight or experience with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder?? I really think that my husband meets a lot of the criteria and it really scares me.

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