Depression Community

I am sorry your feeling so sad.

Your husband is there to support you. It sounds like he is taking the finances to help you lighten your load. That is really sweet of him.

Many people starting having issues when they have a loss of family, friends & work sistuations.

Have you weighted the positives & negatives of taking money?

Couldn't you sell the small business and just take a 9-5 job?

that is a thought. What options are out there.... brainstorm with dh look at ALL the options even the ones that you don't want to think about. Then way them what is best for you & your family?

I'm sorry for your need to be here, Lou, but glad you found your way here. You'll find a lot of support here. (((softhugs)))

Hi Lou, do you see your small business recovering in time. If so, perhaps you DH wants you to be happy and give it the time needed to recover.

Most people who open a small business enjoy their work and if you do love this business and it has the possibility of recovering perhaps you can discuss this with your DH and letting them know you will pay them back once your back on your feet.

I don't know what kind of 'medical experiments' you are talking about, nor how safe. Please use caution to ensure you health is not compromised.

You have a family and spend time with them that I am sure they appreciate and love. - You are not worthless and I hate you feel that way - Remember your family loves you and I hope would do anything for you as you would for them.

Please let us know how you are doing and what you decide to do.

hello, lou --

you are in a marriage, a joint effort. neither of you "takes money" from the other; the two of you share what money you have between you. this is not your individual problem, it is a family problem and needs to be addressed as a family. even if it turns out that your husband continues to pay practically all of the bills and you continue to pay your small business debt and the car loan, this decision will have been reached together and should be based on an allocation of your total income, not who is responsible for generating which debt.

is there any way you can get or refinance a personal loan or your house mortgage to have lower interest rates, or to extend the repayment period in order to reduce your payments? or both? be sure to figure out the cost of doing these to make sure you won't be paying more overall because of closing or appraisal fees. check with credit unions as well as banks; sometimes they have lower interest rates.

borrowing from relatives has many pros and cons, but would they be willing to lend you enough to pay off a loan, then have a loan due to them instead at a lower interest rate or longer repayment period? in my view, the only way to do that and to make it work with the least potential for friction is to do as you would do if borrowing from a bank or another business -- with a contract that you stick to, no skipped payments, for instance.

do you also have debt on credit cards? now is the time to call each credit card company and see if you can negotiate a lower interest rate, then pay more than the minimum payment each month. otherwise the balance will never be paid off and the eventual total interest you pay will be astronomical.

you say you have not been "diagnosed with depression" but that it is "affecting your life." it is time to do something about this. i am assuming that your husband has good health insurance thru his employer. ask your primary-care dr to refer you to a counselor and/or a psychiatrist for some talk therapy and an assessment of whether a short course of psych meds might help.

i hate to suggest this, but you may have to give up some -- not all! -- of the time you have set aside for family. maybe this would be for a half-day of work on the weekends or two nights/week. one other idea i had is to apply at a temp agency where you could get a series of assignments.

finally, i agree with A in the suggestion that you sell your business and look for a "regular" full-time job or even a part-time job. if your business is failing, what is the point of staying with it? if it is still open, it seems to me that all is happening is that you are going farther and farther into debt.

i hope these suggestions help. remember, deal with this as a family. i send you caring thoughts.

-- susie margaret

Hi Again,

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. I won't even see my doc because of the co-pay... I should tell you that I've never thought of harming myself, but I'm waiting for my "It's a Wonderful Life" moment.


My business has very little to sell - computer, printer, scanner, camera, etc. My client isn't worth anything either. I've looked into jobs, both p-t and f-t, but there's so very little out there...

I'm glad it's just the two of us - and our elderly dog - so we don't have kids looking for support. And I won't ask my parents, they have their own problems.

I have skills to sell, but the market is so weak. I have taught knitting, but nobody offers classes in the summer. I tried that too, and failed miserably.

Hi Caprice!

I'm in a place where medical researchers are looking for people to do studies. I also have fibromyalgia, and there have been a couple of studies advertised on the radio.

We have less than 8 years on the mortgage, plus an equity loan to make renovations a few years ago. Our 'deal' was that he'd continue to pay the mortgage and I'd pay the loan. Not happening!

Thanks again, Lou

I have little debt, and it's not my DH's to worry about. I would never borrow from family, or ask DH for money. I have run my business - and my life - to be self-sufficient. I hear about so many women whose DH won't let them do anything and held money out of reach, and I never wanted to be that woman. Our plan was always that I would work and contribute to the household.

I am active on our community, and serve on volunteer boards which meet at different times during the month. I made those commitments, and will not shirk those duties. DH and I spend little time together as it is.

The business isn't incurring debt, and there's nothing to sell.

I can't imagine what family you're referring to. I won't involve my parents or siblings with this. I'm sorry for coming here.

Oh please don't be sorry. I don't think it was anyone's intention to judge you or tell you what to do. I'm sorry that you're struggling right now and I send you kind thoughts.

to repeat what myrain said, please don't be sorry for coming here. We are here to support you. If you do not agree with any suggestions, please feel free to say that - no offense will be taken. We are here for each other. As J said welcome to th family

Please do not leave the community.

hello, lou --

i am so sorry if i offended you in my earlier response; that was the last thing in the world i wanted to do. i think i must have misunderstood the constraints on your time, energy, and prior agreements with your husband that you described, which meant that my suggestions and comments were off the mark. i sincerely apologize for that.

i always say that we do not judge here, but evidently what i said came across that way; i am very distressed about that and wish that i had been clearer. i hope you will not fault webMD for this (for one thing, those of us who usually respond to inquiries are practically all volunteers, not staff) and will give us another chance to consider the issues you raised.

-- susie margaret

Hi Lou
I am with the others, no one here would ever deliberately set out to offend, everyone is kind, caring and compassionate and work hard at supporting others sometimes through times of personal turmoil. Please hang in here and see if you can get the support you need
Chez x

ps SM, how are you doing, been thinking about you C x

hello, C --

i am still very tired, for reasons i do not know, but my spirits are pretty good. i think i scheduled too many things for yesterday and today; fortunately the rest of the week doesn't look as full.

thanks for the thoughts!

-- susie margaret

I hope you'll stick around here, Lou.

Text communication is a wonderful thing but it can sometimes lead to misunderstandings because there is no tone of voice nor body language by which to gauge intent. That's why it's always a good idea to assume good intentions.

Everyone who is here is here because they have or are still dealing with Depression and need support. Along the way, the wonderful members here reach out to help others, as does Susie Margaret. I think Susie Margaret was just trying to speak clearly but there was no judgement and only support being offered.

I hope we'll hear from you again here. (((hugs)))