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    Just A Mess..................Trigger
    avatar
    soulkeepers posted:
    I don't like putting trigger on the posts but it's gotta be there.I want those that read this to be able to read my ugly words and if you're not in a safe place ( mentally) than I don't want to upset anyone.

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    I'm aware of the fact that sometimes when you go to therapy,you at times leave feeling worst than you went in.I have been in and out of therapy since the age of fourteen.But today is no of those days where I am going to say no more.I don't know what her agenda was but I'm done with her.It's not like she's doing me any favors but she's getting paid.I'm not wasting any more money on that crap,I'm done.

    She don't think the family is as bad as I make them out to be.Ask me have I ever consider them to be victims.THERE'S NO WAY IN **** THEY ARE VICTIMS........I got abuse mentally,physically,emotionally and sexually for twelve years.I had to apologize for even coming into this world,which I didn't ask to be here.I didn't do all these things to myself,I had help.

    And how can she say maybe it's punishment for something you have done or said.I doesn't matter what was said or done that kind of pain conflicted on another human being is cruel and unusually punishment.So before I let my temper get the best of me I left and told her to kick rocks.

    She said she'll give Dr F a call and I said while you're at tell him I won't be back until he gets back.I'm done monkeying around with her and she knows nothing about nothing.I need to take a breather cause #$%& has me anger.
    THE REAL PRICE OF REAL LOVE IS NO CHARGE!!
    Reply
     
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    chez1 responded:
    Hi SK, I am so sorry you had such a bad session but well done for sharing here, I hope you got some of your frustration out!
    You have had so much to contend with and I am sure it was difficult for you to hear those things, again well done for leaving before you lost your temper completely,
    keep breathing and keep posting
    sending you well thoughts and hugs
    People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
     
    avatar
    Demons2011 responded:
    Can't say where she was heading. Does she feel you're being honest with her? Just asking a question. So sorry for all the crap you have been through. You sound like your making the right decision to seek some one else. Cause they sure as hell charge enough for all our searching for the right person.
     
    avatar
    Hawtmom responded:
    Hope you are feeling better, I completely agree with finding the right therapist. I have had some that I always felt worse leaving and who needs that. Sorry you had such a rough day. I hope you can find someone to work with that you feel understands you. At least you can post on here, vent and find some support in the mean time.
     
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    soulkeepers replied to Hawtmom's response:
    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

    Thanks but you can't feel better if you have bells going off left and right inside your head.I don't have the energy to drag myself back to therapy.I also need to be careful about what I open myself up to regardless of who they are.


    This is a the first time that she's come at me like this.She's just a sit-in/trainee who is educating herself through my sessions with Dr F.I knew he was out of town but took a chance on seeing her alone didn't think it would hurt.She could've be forthright with me and say I don't believe you instead of defending my abusers.It really doesn't matter if no she don't or no one else do.I'm the one that to deal with the flashbacks,nightmares and all of the effects that comes with their actions.

    I truly think that's why it takes some people longer than others to get through some issues cause of the critics.They feel like they have no other choice but to carry their past with them like a banner of hate.When it come to abuse no matter how big or small don't dismiss anything.All of the doubt I had push in the back of my mind came rushing back and really can't trust anyone with anything.For now I think it's best that I stay closed in and keep my problems to myself.As soon as you feel safe enough to share something personal than you get blindsided.
    THE REAL PRICE OF REAL LOVE IS NO CHARGE!!
     
    avatar
    Hawtmom replied to soulkeepers's response:
    I am so sorry you have had such a rough time. you sound very wounded, I wish I could help. Other than offering my support and well wishes. I am glad you did not sit there and let her hurt you further. I hope you can heal enough to get back to therapy though, it can be very productive with the right person. warm caring thoughts sent your way
     
    avatar
    soulkeepers replied to Hawtmom's response:
    Thanks
    THE REAL PRICE OF REAL LOVE IS NO CHARGE!!


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