Depression Community

Thanks. Number 1 is really interesting to me. I was just wondering if a recent desire ... make that NEED, to be alone is caused by the depression or just me being an introvert (which I am).

[TRIGGER> Hey Jeune, i am probably not the best one to answer your question as I have lived with this for a long time but i will try.

When i was a child I was physically and sexually abused. I do not believe I was always an introvert, therefore I believe that due to the affects of the abuse, I needed to distance myself from others due to the shame, depression, anxiety etc. as well as to feel safe. In my case I would say yes, the depression did add to my need to be alone.

I did not seek professional help until I had a mental break (not sure what it was) about 6 years ago, therefore I cannot pinpoint when I started feeling this way - I have a lot of memory gaps and do not have a lot of memories of growing up.

You said this need is recent, can you remember when you began feeling the NEED to be alone and possibly what triggered it? you don't have to post your answer, just something to think about. That might help you determine if the depression is what is making you feel the NEED to be alone.

This was not an easy post for me, but I felt perhaps it might help you find the answer you seek and maybe even help you find you no longer NEED to be alone.

My need to be alone I let go on too long and I know it is not a good place to be, I just have not found my way out yet.

please take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing.

((hugs))

hi niteflier, i am so sorry for what you have endured in the past but so proud of you for posting. i hope you are ok and keeping safe
hugs flying your way
chez x

hey Chez, doing ok, and am keeping safe. how are you doing? is it morning there? Hope you got some sleep.

thanks for the hugs

hi yea it morning here, got some sleep. i am doing ok, going to try and get another couple of hours sleep/rest here at hotel before heading home.

rest and hope you get some sleep and things at home go well.
stay safe
gn and thank you again

(((hugs)))

((((snoopy dance))))

NF, thank you so much for sharing that, I admire your bravery. I've mentioned before I had cancer. I don't think it is the same but I've had therapists tell me they now classify severe illness in early life as the same as being sexually abused. I don't think it is exactly the same but, I'm not an expert. At any rate, I was in and out of hospitals from age 3 to 7 so I just have no way of knowing what personality traits are me and which are the result of having depression, cancer tx, both??

By the same token I don't know if wanting to be alone is the result of being an introvert, which I've always been so far as I can remember (I really do get very stressed if I don't have some time alone every so often) and how much is a depression-driven desire to crawl into a cave and growl at anyone who comes near (which ALSO happens).

Gah! If my brain knows what it's doing, I wish it would send me a note.

Jeune1 - love your cave bear anology. Seems familiar as well. I can speak about being an introvert. Shortly after death of middle brother (Dad figure, sports hero of mine, caregiver.) I was just turning 13, a pivitol age for any child/teen. Older brother went back to Vietnam. Sister, married and moved to Washington St. Parents, best not to ask. So I grew up after that event. Solo - for quite a while I didn't relate to anyone - so I withdrew complete during H.S. Outside of drinking heavily in H.S. - I didn't have or want any relationship that lasted longer than a week. NO attachments, no loss of feelings. Part of the introvert was depression, didn't get dianosed for 40 years. What got me out of being an introvert was college and playing sports. Being involved with others in things other than drinking and drugs. I think mine was easier to fix then those that endure the cancers or sexual abuse. There's a large amount of distrust in those issues. Or seems so. It takes great courage to over come those issues.

Now days I feel anxious in large gatherings - so here comes the introvert back and magnifies the depression. It's difficult to over come when the only connection is work. I know I should try to connect with others but the desire and effort it takes is far more than I care to give. In fact the real issue may be the giving self to others. No giving, no loss. Public extrovert - Private introvert.

Hey juene, thank you for your kind words, but it is you that is the brave one to overcome the obsticals you have as a child cancer survivor. I am not, but when I think about it I can see some relations the doctors mention of the two: Intrusion/violation. comes to mind to list a few.

I hope you are doing better and are out and about and not in your 'bear cave'.

Take care and let us know how you are doing.

We're BOTH brave. And if anyone disagrees we'll ... Um. Kick them on the ankle and run away real fast.

D you said: "In fact the real issue may be the giving self to others. No giving, no loss. Public extrovert - Private introvert."

That's the thing isn't it? I forget where but I recently read that not wanting to be close with people stems from a fear of being hurt. It was hard to take on because I've spent years thinking my "aloofness" or "reserve" as friends refer to it stemmed from being super cool and self-reliant. So how much of my reserve is good and how much of it is bad? Good job I finally have a therapist appointment, maybe I'll finally find out!

Interesting thought Jeune. D did have a good point.
unfortunately I am both public and private introvert - I use to believe that I could trust no one. I do trust now, but only a few. Fear of being hurt is there as well, in what context i am not sure.

Yes exceptional job at making a therapy appointment .