hello, A120 --
i'm so sorry you're having such a rough time right now. relapse -- or even being stuck on a plateau -- is always a real disappointment.
i know that scary "invisible" feeling. in my first marriage (1968-1972, may it rest in peace), before i was diagnosed more than superficially and before truly effective psych meds were in widespread use (see PS1), i was desperately unhappy. the way this despair manifested itself was that every time i looked in a mirror, i saw less and less of me; i felt as if i was disappearing, bit by bit. i was literally afraid that one day i would look in the mirror and there would be no reflection at all.
we're glad you came back. everyone is here to help each other, all of us have had experience with depression in one way or another (we "get it"), and we do not judge. we care about you, and you can talk about anything you like (PS2). we are here to listen and give you emotional support, not to tell you what to do (opinions are one thing, but orders are something else entirely!).
when you are sorting thru your issues, it does not matter what "others" think; they are not you. the true struggle is inside you, and it is what
you think that is important.
i send you caring thoughts and hope that you will keep writing to us for as long as you need/want to. please keep us posted on how you are doing. in fact, how was today?
-- susie margaret
PS1 --
prozac/fluoxetine did not hit the market until approx 1985, if i am remembering correctly.
PS2 -- if you think that what you say in a post could be disturbing or upsetting to an emotionally vulnerable person, put "TRIGGER" in the title or somewhere before you start your text.
take a look at my post (third in the thread),
http://forums.webmd.com/3/depression-exchange/forum/8614/16#16 , for an example of "TRIGGER" in the title, and at niteflier's post (third in the thread),
http://forums.webmd.com/3/depression-exchange/forum/8632/1#1 , for an example of "TRIGGER" just before the text starts. sometimes people put it in the middle of the text, after a "neutral" section but before a potentially emotionally disturbing section (i can't seem to find an example right now).
a quickie summary of when to use "TRIGGER" is in my post (fifth in the thread on the page) at
http://forums.webmd.com/3/depression-exchange/forum/2/17?pg=2 .
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.