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Felt I had no choice
applepie22 posted:
my husband left me 18 mnths ago. We met up a few times to see if we stood any chance of trying again, he said he loved me, but thought there was too much water under the bridge + was worried that 'if he loved me enough, then why did he leave me.' I suggested he got help (he is already on anti-depressants) he didn't think he needed to, I also said I was willing for the both of us to get help, he said 'no, i don't think so', He said he just wants to wake up +~ everything'll be ok, I told him lifes not like that, nothing changes until u do something about it. I didn't no what else to suggest. He really hurt me emotionally when he left, - we also went thro a bad patch 7 yrs ago when he said really hurtful things to me, + i've felt i've walked on eggshells since, hoping he wants me + feeling pushed aside. I can't make it work, on my own, but feel so guilty about being the 1 to end it, but it just seemed he wasn't willing to do anything about it.
9 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Felt I had no choicemy husband left me 18 mnths ago. We met up a few times to see if we stood any chance of trying again, he said he loved me, but thought there was too much water under the bridge + was worried that 'if he loved me enough, then why did he leave me.' I suggested he got help (he is already on anti-depressants) he didn't think he needed to, I also said I was willing for the both of us to get help, he said 'no, i don't think so', He said he just wants to wake up +~ everything'll be ok, I told him lifes not like that, nothing changes until u do something about it. I didn't no what else to suggest. He really hurt me emotionally when he left, - we also went thro a bad patch 7 yrs ago when he said really hurtful things to me, + i've felt i've walked on eggshells since, hoping he wants me + feeling pushed aside. I can't make it work, on my own, but feel so guilty about being the 1 to end it, but it just seemed he wasn't willing to do anything about it.
Jeune1 responded:
Hi. I'm really sorry to hear you're going through all that but to me it sounds like you're doing the right thing for BOTH of you. You say you feel guilty for being the one to end it, but to me it seems he's the one who ended it.
Please take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.
Please take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.
Report This| Share this:Felt I had no choiceHi. I'm really sorry to hear you're going through all that but to me it sounds like you're doing the right thing for BOTH of you. You say you feel guilty for being the one to end it, but to me it seems he's the one who ended it. <br /><br />Please take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.
Chez1 responded:
Hi applepie (loving the name), what a horrible time you have had of it, very brave of you to share, thank you for that.
"he really hurt me emotionally when he left" and "he said really hurtful things to me" and "walked on eggshells", I think you should be proud of yourself for sticking it out as long as you did, you gave it your all and that has to be commended.
A relationship takes two, so one person can not take responsibility for the break up.
I really hope you can move on from this, please share here with us, we want to hear from you and share your experiences with you
Take care and hugs
"he really hurt me emotionally when he left" and "he said really hurtful things to me" and "walked on eggshells", I think you should be proud of yourself for sticking it out as long as you did, you gave it your all and that has to be commended.
A relationship takes two, so one person can not take responsibility for the break up.
I really hope you can move on from this, please share here with us, we want to hear from you and share your experiences with you
Take care and hugs
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
Report This| Share this:Felt I had no choiceHi applepie (loving the name), what a horrible time you have had of it, very brave of you to share, thank you for that.<br /><br />"he really hurt me emotionally when he left" and "he said really hurtful things to me" and "walked on eggshells", I think you should be proud of yourself for sticking it out as long as you did, you gave it your all and that has to be commended. <br />A relationship takes two, so one person can not take responsibility for the break up.<br />I really hope you can move on from this, please share here with us, we want to hear from you and share your experiences with you <br />Take care and hugs
applepie22 replied to Jeune1's response:
Thanx 4 replying. It's been so hard to accept. We were married for 10 yrs he was my carer as I am disabled. I suggested to him that he spoke 2 someone about how he was feeling but he never wanted to. Instead, he got close to a female work collegue who I have never trusted as she is known to be a flirt. He went in early sometimes to work to help her, but wouldn't come home to help me go to the Drs etc, so this made me feel unwanted. He also went on the ocassional night out with her 2 other female collegues but made it clear I wasn't invited, even tho I no them all. He has always sworn that nothing has happened between them I trust him, but I think she was there 4 him emotionally. Its seeing him look so upset 'lost' that kills me, but I don't feel I am the 1 to make it right anymore. I still wonder some days what if he would be different in the future?? but as i said in my 1st email, i can't do it alone.
Report This| Share this:Felt I had no choiceThanx 4 replying. It's been so hard to accept. We were married for 10 yrs he was my carer as I am disabled. I suggested to him that he spoke 2 someone about how he was feeling but he never wanted to. Instead, he got close to a female work collegue who I have never trusted as she is known to be a flirt. He went in early sometimes to work to help her, but wouldn't come home to help me go to the Drs etc, so this made me feel unwanted. He also went on the ocassional night out with her 2 other female collegues but made it clear I wasn't invited, even tho I no them all. He has always sworn that nothing has happened between them I trust him, but I think she was there 4 him emotionally. Its seeing him look so upset 'lost' that kills me, but I don't feel I am the 1 to make it right anymore. I still wonder some days what if he would be different in the future?? but as i said in my 1st email, i can't do it alone.
applepie22 replied to applepie22's response:
I saw him yesterday, not 2 talk 2, but from a distance. I texted him 2 say 'saw u earlier, thort I'd say 'hi', not had a reply from him.
It's so sad it's ended like this.
It's so sad it's ended like this.
Report This| Share this:Felt I had no choiceI saw him yesterday, not 2 talk 2, but from a distance. I texted him 2 say 'saw u earlier, thort I'd say 'hi', not had a reply from him. <br />It's so sad it's ended like this.
alaska_mommy replied to applepie22's response:
That's so hard. It's never a good feeling to be ultimately rejected like that. Keep your head up, and remember it's not your fault!
I hope as time goes on it won't hurt as much for you.
I hope as time goes on it won't hurt as much for you.
Report This| Share this:Felt I had no choiceThat's so hard. It's never a good feeling to be ultimately rejected like that. Keep your head up, and remember it's not your fault! <br />I hope as time goes on it won't hurt as much for you.
applepie22 replied to alaska_mommy's response:
Thank u 4 replying. It's good 2 no i've got some support on here. Feel quite alone in all this sumtimes. I've got my parents 2 talk 2 but I try 2 'protect' them from all this cos they really helped me get my life back 2gether it put a big strain on them, so I don't like 2 rely on them when I feel low.
Report This| Share this:Felt I had no choiceThank u 4 replying. It's good 2 no i've got some support on here. Feel quite alone in all this sumtimes. I've got my parents 2 talk 2 but I try 2 'protect' them from all this cos they really helped me get my life back 2gether it put a big strain on them, so I don't like 2 rely on them when I feel low.
alaska_mommy replied to applepie22's response:
I understand, I don't like to worry my own mom and so I usually don't tell her my troubles. I don't want her to feel bad for me or sad or worried. Maybe that's silly...but she has a happy life and I want it to stay that way, I don't want to be a mark on her happiness. She's had enough hard times in the past.
You're welcome to post here anytime you need to or just want to. To vent, to talk, or just to say hello.
Take care!
You're welcome to post here anytime you need to or just want to. To vent, to talk, or just to say hello.
Take care!
Report This| Share this:Felt I had no choiceI understand, I don't like to worry my own mom and so I usually don't tell her my troubles. I don't want her to feel bad for me or sad or worried. Maybe that's silly...but she has a happy life and I want it to stay that way, I don't want to be a mark on her happiness. She's had enough hard times in the past.<br />You're welcome to post here anytime you need to or just want to. To vent, to talk, or just to say hello. <br />Take care!
susiemargaret replied to applepie22's response:
hello, A --
are you taking psych meds or in therapy? it sounds to me as if you are still grieving the loss of this relationship, and you might benefit from some help in coping with both that loss and your grief.
i send you caring thoughts. i am so sorry that your husband is apparently unwilling to face the effects of his depression on those around him.
-- susie margaret
are you taking psych meds or in therapy? it sounds to me as if you are still grieving the loss of this relationship, and you might benefit from some help in coping with both that loss and your grief.
i send you caring thoughts. i am so sorry that your husband is apparently unwilling to face the effects of his depression on those around him.
-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
Report This| Share this:Felt I had no choicehello, A --<br /> <br />are you taking psych meds or in therapy? it sounds to me as if you are still grieving the loss of this relationship, and you might benefit from some help in coping with both that loss and your grief.<br /> <br />i send you caring thoughts. i am so sorry that your husband is apparently unwilling to face the effects of his depression on those around him.<br /> <br />-- susie margaret
applepie22 replied to susiemargaret's response:
Hi, I'm not taking any medication or in therapy, I don't think I need 2, I just have days where I feel down sad about whats happened. I can't help feeling guilty feel I've let him down - which I no sounds odd when he left me, but when I see him he looks so 'lost' usually I've been the one 2 support him, but now I'm not with him anymore, I can't. I find it so frustrating that he won't get help hope his friends don't give up pn him. Thank u 4 replying 2 my msg, it really does help 2 no there r people who care enough 2 reply.
Report This| Share this:Felt I had no choiceHi, I'm not taking any medication or in therapy, I don't think I need 2, I just have days where I feel down sad about whats happened. I can't help feeling guilty feel I've let him down - which I no sounds odd when he left me, but when I see him he looks so 'lost' usually I've been the one 2 support him, but now I'm not with him anymore, I can't. I find it so frustrating that he won't get help hope his friends don't give up pn him. Thank u 4 replying 2 my msg, it really does help 2 no there r people who care enough 2 reply.
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