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Depression and losing those you love.
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SnowPrincess6 posted:
I have recently been diagnosed with depression. A year ago, I was injured at work and was unable to return. This year, I lost that job. I'm having problems with my kids and my family. Through all of this I became depressed. I deal with chronic pain now, I've lost interest in everything and 2 weeks ago, my 2 1/2 year relationship ended. This has hurt me more than anything else because he would always tell me he understood what I was going through and that he would always be there for me no matter what. He knows the person I used to be and said he would stick by me until I became that person again. That didn't happen and now I feel alone and I feel like I will never be able to trust anyone again. I don't have many friends and now I feel like I have nothing to offer anyone. Is anyone else feeling this way?
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niteflier responded:
hello snowprincess, i am sorry that your bf would or could not handle you having depression and that you are also having problems with your children and family. I am glad you are fighting back. this is a good community(family) here. everyone is very supportive and not judgemental. I hope you will continue posting and letting us know how you are doing.

Unfortunately, your bf has never been depressed and therefore cannot understand what you are going through. I believe only having been through it can you truley understand it. i am not making excuses for anyone, that is just how it is.

my situation is similar i.e. depression and chronic pain, however, i do not have children and i am still with my bh (who is now (over 2 years) also struggling with depression and anxiety due to loss of a family member).

Even having depression/anxiety for approx 6 years now I had to have a reality check.

I have a hard enough time taking care of myself (which my bh knew) i could not UNDERSTAND how they expected me to take care of them and everything else as well. only after reading 'how to help a family member with depression' on webmd did i realize that wow, i did not know why people could not understand and here i was NOT UNDERSTANDING what my bh needs. that was a rude awakening. We both struggle and i am doing what i can to help keep us together and functional.

again, i am not making excuses for anyone.

Have you seen a therapist and/or on any medication?

does your family and children know you are fighting depression? is that an option? perhaps your bf needed a break because he did not know how to help you, i only say this because if you are still in contact with him it might be worth mentioning the article to him. (i will look it up and send it to you.

I hope you found this helpful and I hope I did not offend you in any way. (sometimes my words do not come out as i would like them to).

please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing.
Niteflier

Perhaps the Animal Spirit is so great that one day it may inspire compassion in the human heart. Nan Sea Love

 
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niteflier replied to niteflier's response:
Hello snowprincess, here is the article i mentioned.

When depression strikes, the depressed person isn't the only one affected. Everyone around them -- family, friends, and co-workers -- feels the impact of their depression.
Helping a loved one cope with depression can be key to his or her recovery. But it isn't always going to be easy. Here are some tips.
Depression: Your Path to Recovery Understand the symptoms of depression, from sadness to hopelessness to headache.
? 2009 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.
  • Get the facts. The first thing you should do is learn more about depression. Read up on the causes and treatments for depression.
  • Get other people involved. You can't do this alone. Your friend or loved one may want you to keep his or her depression a secret. But that isn't healthy. It puts far too much pressure on you. So try to get a small circle of family and friends to help. That way, you can help look after your loved one together.
  • Ask what your depressed loved one needs. Be direct. Unless you ask, you just won't know what your friend or loved one wants from you.
  • Don't try to solve the problem on your own. Your loved one needs professional help from a doctor or therapist to get better. Depression is a real illness. You wouldn't try to cure a friend's diabetes on your own. You shouldn't try curing depression either.
  • Offer to help with the practical things. People who are depressed are easily overwhelmed. Everyday stuff -- dressing the kids for school, grocery shopping, or laundry -- may feel like too much. So pitch in. Sometimes practical help can make a big difference.
  • Take time for yourself. Taking care of someone who is depressed can be overwhelming. So it's key that you set aside time for yourself. Do things that you enjoy. Get out of the house on a regular basis. Take walks or go to the gym. Catch a movie or dinner with friends.Given what your loved one is going through, you may feel guilty or selfish for thinking about yourself. But taking care of yourself is crucial. If you don't, you'll burn out -- and that won't help either of you.
  • Know your limits. There is a lot you can do to help your depressed loved one. But you can't do everything. You can't make your loved one well. You can't watch him or her 24 hours a day. These things aren't in your power. In the end, your loved one has to want to get better, too.
  • Take threats seriously. Suicide is a very real risk of depression. If your friend or loved is threatening to commit suicide, take action. Don't leave the person alone. Remove any weapons or large amounts of medication. Call a suicide hotline or your loved one's therapist. In a crisis, don't hesitate to call emergency services. You can't keep something this serious a secret.
Niteflier

Perhaps the Animal Spirit is so great that one day it may inspire compassion in the human heart. Nan Sea Love

 
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SnowPrincess6 replied to niteflier's response:
Thank you Niteflier for your response. I'm glad I found this discussion group and I am hoping that I can find the support I need. I have been going to therapy for a few months now and I have made little progress. In the beginning, I declined medication but am now reconsidering it. My bf has been suffering from depression as well, for longer than we've known each other. I have stood by him through everything but I feel like he doesn't want to be helped. My children don't know. The little one is too small and the older one is going through some teenage stuff. I feel like I have no one. I feel alone. I really appreciate your response and it did not offend me in any way. I am thankful for it and I will read the article right away.
 
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niteflier replied to SnowPrincess6's response:
hi SP6, it took me a long time to ask for medication and therapy, i wish i had asked sooner as both have helped me tremendously. medication, however, takes a while (approx 4 weeks) to start being effective. i believe there are others here who do not take medication. pros and cons to both.

it is impossible to know what someone is thinking and that can put you on a rollercoaster ride to nowhere. is your bf going to therapy and/or on medication?

as for your older child going through 'teenage stuff' they know a lot more than you think they do. I do not have children, but i have seen enough to know that it is possible they do know, but do not know how to talk to you about it. - I do not have children, therefore, i do not have the answer, but i know i wish my mother would have talked to me about her depression when i was younger. just food for thought.

welcome again to the family.

please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Niteflier

Perhaps the Animal Spirit is so great that one day it may inspire compassion in the human heart. Nan Sea Love

 
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alaska_mommy replied to niteflier's response:
I agree with niteflier that children have a keen sense of perception. My son is only 2.5 years old, but when I was raising my voice at DH in frustration and anger, he looked at me and said "Mama sad." I can tell you I felt really bad that he saw me like that and that it made an impression on him. I really thought he wouldn't notice or that it wouldn't impact him.
So if you think your teen doesn't know something is wrong, I would rethink that assessment. Could be it is having some influence on his/her teenage stuff too...
I hope that you can find some help here, these folks are great, really supportive.


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