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My partner is depressed and I am furious with him!
Basteht posted:
Wow, this is so frustrating! I have been with my depressed fiance for 6 years. He recently called off our wedding for the 2nd time in 2 years and now all he does is lay around the house and make a mess. He doesn't work anymore, so I am stuck paying all the bills ( on my salary of under 10 an hour ). I have an 8 year old son from a previous marriage who thinks of him as a father, even though he mostly ignores him now and reprimands him frequently for stupid things. The worst part is that I love him and I want him to get better, but I am sooooo angry with him! I work all day, I come home and work some more and then I go to bed so that I can do it all again the next day. I am the one to take my son to boy scouts, baseball games, out for dinner, tot he park or the movies . .. . I don't remember the last time we went on a date.
He also has a social phobia and so he does not want to leave the house and he doesn't want anyone to see him because then he will have to explain what is going on in his life and he is embarassed. The only way to feel better about himself is to DO something to be proud of . .. work on the cars (he is a mechanic), farm with his father, get a job, whatever. He even says that he agrees with me on this point, but then nothing happens. . . . nothing ever happens. I feel like I am wasting my life and that I have no control over the situation. I want to be with him, but he has no motivation for anything. I am beginning to think that he will never change and I can't live like this forever. I don't know what to do . . . The saying "love is not enough" has never been more naggingly present to me and I am beginning to think that it is true
He also has a social phobia and so he does not want to leave the house and he doesn't want anyone to see him because then he will have to explain what is going on in his life and he is embarassed. The only way to feel better about himself is to DO something to be proud of . .. work on the cars (he is a mechanic), farm with his father, get a job, whatever. He even says that he agrees with me on this point, but then nothing happens. . . . nothing ever happens. I feel like I am wasting my life and that I have no control over the situation. I want to be with him, but he has no motivation for anything. I am beginning to think that he will never change and I can't live like this forever. I don't know what to do . . . The saying "love is not enough" has never been more naggingly present to me and I am beginning to think that it is true
4 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:My partner is depressed and I am furious with him!Wow, this is so frustrating! I have been with my depressed fiance for 6 years. He recently called off our wedding for the 2nd time in 2 years and now all he does is lay around the house and make a mess. He doesn't work anymore, so I am stuck paying all the bills ( on my salary of under 10 an hour ). I have an 8 year old son from a previous marriage who thinks of him as a father, even though he mostly ignores him now and reprimands him frequently for stupid things. The worst part is that I love him and I want him to get better, but I am sooooo angry with him! I work all day, I come home and work some more and then I go to bed so that I can do it all again the next day. I am the one to take my son to boy scouts, baseball games, out for dinner, tot he park or the movies . .. . I don't remember the last time we went on a date. <br />He also has a social phobia and so he does not want to leave the house and he doesn't want anyone to see him because then he will have to explain what is going on in his life and he is embarassed. The only way to feel better about himself is to DO something to be proud of . .. work on the cars (he is a mechanic), farm with his father, get a job, whatever. He even says that he agrees with me on this point, but then nothing happens. . . . nothing ever happens. I feel like I am wasting my life and that I have no control over the situation. I want to be with him, but he has no motivation for anything. I am beginning to think that he will never change and I can't live like this forever. I don't know what to do . . . The saying "love is not enough" has never been more naggingly present to me and I am beginning to think that it is true <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/frown.gif" align="top" border="0">
niteflier responded:
hello Basteht, first i would like to thank you for joining our forum. it appears you are trying everything to help your bf and are not willing to give up on him just yet.
as you will notice, by the majority of the posts here, most of us are severly depressed and have other illnesses as well.
i am where you are, however, i am also where he is. i am depressed to the point that nothing is enjoyable and my motivation to do anything is extremely low (mild description, but to save you some reading, i have cut it short)
You are probably wondering why i am even replying. i have been like this for going over 6 years. now my bh is going through depression (due to loss of job and a family member and I am sure my depression does not help matters any). therefore, i will try to speak for both sides and hopefully not be to discriminatory and/or judgemental as this is the last thing i want to do. this is an open forum and all are welcome to post.
I now do EVERYTHING and too, do not know how to help them. I do know, however, what they are going through, therefore, I choose to stay and fight this dark battle. Unless you have gone through severe depression like this, i believe you cannot truely understand what it is like to be overwhelmingly depressed, which makes it difficult to understand.
now that i have told you a little of my situation, i would like to ask a few that may or may not help you.
has he see a psychiatrist? is he currently or ever been in therapy? is he taking any medication for his depression?
These are very important in that he has recognized he does in fact have this illness and what steps he should take to fight this battle. it is an extremely tough battle, as I deal with it myself on a daily basis. some days are better than others. please do not give up on him just yet (and i realize it has been over 6 years and that is truely a long time)
I am going to stop here to give you a chance to reply to the questions to better understand your situation.
food for thought:
I also want to say that if this is affecting you in a negative way (it is otherwise you would not be here in this forum) and you are feeling depressed, please see you doctor for help. you will be unable to help him if you do not take care of yourself first. (please consider your child and that they may also be depressed by the situation).
again i am not trying to judge either of you. if I have said anything that blames one or the other i apologize as the only blame rests with the illness - depression.
i hope you will respond and continue to post and let us know how you ALL are doing. this is a good community(family) to be in as no one is here to judge, we are only here to listen, offer advice, and support each other.
as you will notice, by the majority of the posts here, most of us are severly depressed and have other illnesses as well.
i am where you are, however, i am also where he is. i am depressed to the point that nothing is enjoyable and my motivation to do anything is extremely low (mild description, but to save you some reading, i have cut it short)
You are probably wondering why i am even replying. i have been like this for going over 6 years. now my bh is going through depression (due to loss of job and a family member and I am sure my depression does not help matters any). therefore, i will try to speak for both sides and hopefully not be to discriminatory and/or judgemental as this is the last thing i want to do. this is an open forum and all are welcome to post.
I now do EVERYTHING and too, do not know how to help them. I do know, however, what they are going through, therefore, I choose to stay and fight this dark battle. Unless you have gone through severe depression like this, i believe you cannot truely understand what it is like to be overwhelmingly depressed, which makes it difficult to understand.
now that i have told you a little of my situation, i would like to ask a few that may or may not help you.
has he see a psychiatrist? is he currently or ever been in therapy? is he taking any medication for his depression?
These are very important in that he has recognized he does in fact have this illness and what steps he should take to fight this battle. it is an extremely tough battle, as I deal with it myself on a daily basis. some days are better than others. please do not give up on him just yet (and i realize it has been over 6 years and that is truely a long time)
I am going to stop here to give you a chance to reply to the questions to better understand your situation.
food for thought:
I also want to say that if this is affecting you in a negative way (it is otherwise you would not be here in this forum) and you are feeling depressed, please see you doctor for help. you will be unable to help him if you do not take care of yourself first. (please consider your child and that they may also be depressed by the situation).
again i am not trying to judge either of you. if I have said anything that blames one or the other i apologize as the only blame rests with the illness - depression.
i hope you will respond and continue to post and let us know how you ALL are doing. this is a good community(family) to be in as no one is here to judge, we are only here to listen, offer advice, and support each other.
Niteflier
Perhaps the Animal Spirit is so great that one day it may inspire compassion in the human heart. Nan Sea Love
Perhaps the Animal Spirit is so great that one day it may inspire compassion in the human heart. Nan Sea Love
Report This| Share this:My partner is depressed and I am furious with him!hello Basteht, first i would like to thank you for joining our forum. it appears you are trying everything to help your bf and are not willing to give up on him just yet. <br /> <br />as you will notice, by the majority of the posts here, most of us are severly depressed and have other illnesses as well. <br /> <br />i am where you are, however, i am also where he is. i am depressed to the point that nothing is enjoyable and my motivation to do anything is extremely low (mild description, but to save you some reading, i have cut it short) <br /> <br />You are probably wondering why i am even replying. i have been like this for going over 6 years. now my bh is going through depression (due to loss of job and a family member and I am sure my depression does not help matters any). therefore, i will try to speak for both sides and hopefully not be to discriminatory and/or judgemental as this is the last thing i want to do. this is an open forum and all are welcome to post.<br /> <br />I now do EVERYTHING and too, do not know how to help them. I do know, however, what they are going through, therefore, I choose to stay and fight this dark battle. Unless you have gone through severe depression like this, i believe you cannot truely understand what it is like to be overwhelmingly depressed, which makes it difficult to understand.<br /> <br />now that i have told you a little of my situation, i would like to ask a few that may or may not help you.<br />has he see a psychiatrist? is he currently or ever been in therapy? is he taking any medication for his depression?<br />These are very important in that he has recognized he does in fact have this illness and what steps he should take to fight this battle. it is an extremely tough battle, as I deal with it myself on a daily basis. some days are better than others. please do not give up on him just yet (and i realize it has been over 6 years and that is truely a long time)<br /> <br />I am going to stop here to give you a chance to reply to the questions to better understand your situation.<br /> <br />food for thought: <br />I also want to say that if this is affecting you in a negative way (it is otherwise you would not be here in this forum) and you are feeling depressed, please see you doctor for help. you will be unable to help him if you do not take care of yourself first. (please consider your child and that they may also be depressed by the situation). <br /> <br />again i am not trying to judge either of you. if I have said anything that blames one or the other i apologize as the only blame rests with the illness - depression.<br /> <br />i hope you will respond and continue to post and let us know how you ALL are doing. this is a good community(family) to be in as no one is here to judge, we are only here to listen, offer advice, and support each other.
Anon_1421 responded:
So sorry you are going through this! As the other poster asked-is your BF seeking any help? Because if he isn't things are not going to get better or magically change. I have been on both sides of the coin too-and I sought help and things got better. My husband sought help but didn't follow through and is now in denial-where we go from here is uncertain. While I love my husband and sympathize with where he is right now, I can't do this for much longer or I am going to slip back into depression-and I refuse to go there-it was hard enough climbing out before. You sound like you are depressed too, but at least you can still function. For now. When you are in a realtionship with someone who is depressed if they seek help at least they are trying-if they don't, then nothing is going to change. You have some difficult decisions to make-and no one but you can make them-can you somehow get your BF to seek the help it sounds like he so desperately needs? Does he have any family that would be willing to help you try to persuade him? Or friends? If he won't, are you willing to stay in this relationship and possibly end up becoming severely depressed yourself? And if you do-who will be there for your child? There are no easy answers. I hope things get better for you.
Report This| Share this:My partner is depressed and I am furious with him!So sorry you are going through this! As the other poster asked-is your BF seeking any help? Because if he <b>isn't </b>things are not going to get better or magically change. I have been on both sides of the coin too-and I sought help and things got better. My husband sought help but didn't follow through and is now in denial-where we go from here is uncertain. While I love my husband and sympathize with where he is right now, I can't do this for much longer or I am going to slip back into depression-and I refuse to go there-it was hard enough climbing out before. You sound like you are depressed too, but at least you can still function. For now. When you are in a realtionship with someone who is depressed if they seek help at least they are trying-if they don't, then nothing is going to change. You have some difficult decisions to make-and no one but you can make them-can you somehow get your BF to seek the help it sounds like he so desperately needs? Does he have any family that would be willing to help you try to persuade him? Or friends? If he won't, are you willing to stay in this relationship and possibly end up becoming severely depressed yourself? And if you do-who will be there for your child? There are no easy answers. I hope things get better for you.
Anon_1421 replied to Anon_1421's response:
By the way, there is another post on this board-"Living with a depressed spouse" -read it-it is quite long, but please read it and all the replies-and you will know you are not alone. And maybe it will give you some insight as to what you should do.
Report This| Share this:My partner is depressed and I am furious with him!By the way, there is another post on this board-"Living with a depressed spouse" -read it-it is quite long, but please read it and all the replies-and you will know you are not alone. And maybe it will give you some insight as to what you should do.
susiemargaret replied to Anon_1421's response:
hello, all --
i think that the thread A1421 is referring to is at http://forums.webmd.com/3/depression-exchange/forum/3457/172#172 .
-- susie margaret
i think that the thread A1421 is referring to is at http://forums.webmd.com/3/depression-exchange/forum/3457/172#172 .
-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
Report This| Share this:My partner is depressed and I am furious with him!hello, all --<br /> <br />i think that the thread A1421 is referring to is at <a href="http://forums.webmd.com/3/depression-exchange/forum/3457/172#172">http://forums.webmd.com/3/depression-exchange/forum/3457/172#172</a> .<br /> <br />-- susie margaret
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