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Off to my 2nd appointment with the therapist...
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Mrs_Gantt posted:
I am getting ready to leave and a big part of me does not want to go. I fear she will remind me of the bad mother that I was to my kids growing up. I mean, I brought it up at our first appointment but when she said it back to me, it hurt like mad! She is a very "to the point" type of therapist which I have never had one like that before. All in all my husband & I think that may be a good thing... I guess we shall see...

I hope you all are having a good day!
Peace, Love, and Hugs...
Reply
 
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alaska_mommy responded:
I hope it goes well for you! I think it's tough to walk that line between needing a kick in the pants and needing someone to come along side you and comfort you. Sometimes we don't always get what we want! But keep in mind, if she's not a good fit, you can always try someone else. Take care.
 
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chez1 responded:
hope it goes well. do you know what kind of therapist she is. someone following person centred counselling will feed back what you are saying, one idea behind it is to clarify her understanding of what you are saying as well as you to hear it. i have put that quite simpisticly for just now just incase it can help you in todays session. remember you should feel supported in the session so as am said, if it doesnt work you can look for someone else.
let us know
hugs
chez x
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
 
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Mrs_Gantt replied to chez1's response:
My therapist is a MSW-LSW...

She thinks I am on too many medications, says I should not be on risperidone, says I should be on hormones, thinks it is too late to try and get a relationship with my children without confrontation, says my husband is going to leave me if I do not change, says I need to make friends, and that I need to get a job as I have too much time on my hands and that because of that I am sitting around feeling depressed.

Oh so much to swallow, and it just seems like this huge mountain to climb and trying to do this while not depending on my husband? I mean, I know I cannot be helped unless I help myself, but... My husband is all I have! Now the thought of him leaving me just worsens every thought in my head right now! Am I supposed to fake enjoying sex when I have no desire anymore? Ugh! I just want to scream so bad!

I just feel so overwhelmed right now and I do not know where to begin or even how to begin...
Peace, Love, and Hugs...
 
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chez1 replied to Mrs_Gantt's response:
Hi Mrs G, I have to tell you something, I am lost for words and for those who are here regularly, will realise that doesn't happen very often!!!
If it is ok with you, I am going let you digest all that has been said to you, wait for you to ditch the majority of it in the bin and when you have some lingering thoughts I will help you toss all them aside as well.
I dont mean to sound so negative about this women but I have never heard so much crock from a counsellor, I am in shock, so god only knows how you feel.

I just have to put a note here to say this is my opinion, I am not here as a professional and would never intend to overrule professional advice.
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
 
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alaska_mommy replied to Mrs_Gantt's response:
OK my opinion only but...sounds like your therapist is telling you too much of what "she" thinks vs. actually listening and helping you process what's going on.

Only TWO sessions and she's already got everything all figured out and lined up for you? Smells fishy to me.

How does she know what your husband is thinking? How could she possibly know whether the thought of leaving you has even entered his mind? In my experience, a counselor/therapist helps you process your negative feelings/emotions and slowly works on giving you ideas to turn that around. Not just tell you flat out what's wrong with you and how to fix it. They're not there to "fix" you, they're there to help you realize how to live a better life. This therapist sounds bossy to me...you might consider getting a different one. This one sounds like she has no idea what it's like to be depressed. "Oh, you just need to do this and this and this..." way to make a depressed person feel like throwing in the towel.
And really. Fear tactics? "Your husband will leave you if you don't shape up". You don't need emotional boot camp. You need some encouragement and a safe place to vent your feelings, someone who will be an advocate for your health and well-being. Again, this is just my opinion, but I don't like the sound of this lady!

My experience with counseling has been, I went in the first time wanting help, wanting him to tell me what to do! I was surprised that he just wanted to listen and me to talk about what was going on. I felt frustrated that he didn't just tell me how to fix everything. As time went on though, I began to really appreciate just having a listening ear while I talked about my fears, anger, depression, etc. As he got to know me and my situation he started to give me homework, little tasks one at a time --- for example, start a journal and write about where your feelings are coming from. Or, start replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. I went to him over a year, and pretty far down the line he was giving me some advice on what to do in my life choices. But that was after a relationship was established and he had a pretty good idea all the ins and outs of everything. At the very beginning they should be collecting information on you, your situation and how you're feeling, meds you're on, etc. Maybe giving you a couple little "assignments" to try to work on during the week. But not to dump on you the whole thing of "you need to do this" as if they have the magic answers for you. I would seriously doubt the advice this woman has given you...
Again, disclaimer...JUST MY OPINION!
 
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alaska_mommy responded:
By the way...no matter what kind of mother you were growing up, I think there is always a chance of starting over and making things better.
Mind if I ask, how old are your children now? What kind of relationship do you have with them now? I think no matter what, every child wants their mom. I think with time and patience, you can get closer to them.
Sorry so long but what this lady said to you just made me mad!
 
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Mrs_Gantt replied to alaska_mommy's response:
I have done nothing but cry since I have been home... My sons are 25, 22, & 20. I wrote about them in my bio... Basically boils down to my oldest son is always too busy, we cannot trust my iddle son, and my youngest lives across the country... My oldest son just gave us our first grandchild, and well... Before she gave birth, I had bought the baby some clothes and toys and I was told to keep them here that they did not need them. We were told we would get to spend time with the baby but they have only visited a couple times and only invited us over once. Twice something has come up and they needed help with the baby and although we offered, we were denied. Right now it is all about his wife and her family...

Per my therapist, my oldest son has found a better family with her family so he wants to be with them instead of us.

Peace, Love, and Hugs...
 
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alaska_mommy replied to Mrs_Gantt's response:
Wow...your therapist sounds like nothing but judgmental toward you. "He found a better family"...wow I would drop her like a hot potato!
I'm sorry things are so rocky with your sons, I remember your bio now. Keep in mind, sometimes it's not you...it's them. They are adults, and they may be just wanting to branch out and do their own thing. But in time they may realize they miss having Mom as a part of their life. It is very sad though that you can't even visit with your grandbaby. That must be heartbreaking for you.
I would consider this therapist NOT a good fit for you. Maybe she's good with some people, but to me, she sounds like she has no empathy whatsoever. And if it's anything a depressed person needs, is empathy...someone who understands where they're coming from and can understand what they're feeling. Do yourself a favor and NEVER see this woman again....strong feelings on my part, only you know if this woman is helpful or not...but coming home and crying your eyes out does not sound like you're getting support at all. And isn't that why you reached out in the first place? To get help, support, someone to cheer you on to better things? You don't need someone who is going to make you feel MORE bad about yourself. Depression does that quite enough without help.
 
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chez1 replied to Mrs_Gantt's response:
Hi Again, I am with am on this, I don't think your therapist has shown you any empathy, compassion, care, respect. All the things that they are supposed to do and show. I think what she has shared and said to you is unprofessional and frankly out of order, I am all for being challenged at times but she is taking that to extremes beyond anything I have every heard. I know I am judging and I am sorry for that but she has made me so cross and I am so upset for you this evening.
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
 
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Mrs_Gantt replied to chez1's response:
Fortunately, when my husband came home I told him what all the therapist had said and he said "NO MORE". He refuses to send me back there again! He assured me he has no intentions of leaving me and has already told me twice how much he loves me and hugged me each time.

We tried after the first visit to give her the benefit of the doubt but he said this is flat out unacceptable. I hope when I go to the psychiatrist Friday, maybe he can give me some ideas. I am going to have my husband print a list of therapists our insurance will cover and take suggestions from him.

I have finally stopped crying, but putting on a smile any time this evening is probably out of the question.

Thank you Chez1 and Alaska_Mommy... You both have both been so welcoming and I so much appreciate it.
Peace, Love, and Hugs...
 
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chez1 replied to Mrs_Gantt's response:
hey there, I am so happy that your husband is supporting you with this, I am sorry for my rant earlier, i just was so cross at all you had been told. I understand you wont necessarily be able to smile but can i ask you again if you can throw all that was said to you by her in the trash and start again. It is horrible that it is a trial and error process but I suppose its just one more of those things we have to endure.
I do suggest you enjoy the love and the hugs from your husband this evening, that is special.
hugs from me heading your way
Chez x
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
 
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Mrs_Gantt replied to chez1's response:
I do not see anything you said before as a rant at all. Sometimes I feel as if I rant but, with me, well, it is the only way I can get my words out. I am not good with words and sometimes have to read things multiple times before I understand what I am reading. I find your posts very easy to read to be honest .... (See there... I smiled...)

Sending a {{{hug}}} to you and Alaska_Mommy

Peace, Love, and Hugs...


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