Depression Community

Hi a_m, I feel the same way, when I go I feel worse and I feel it is such a waste of time. I used to wish that there was a magic pill to cure all, lol,
How are you doing otherwise?

tfu

Doing pretty good, I mean don't get my wrong, I don't think this is a waste of my time, I just feel like it's sooo much work to get better.
I think my current dosage of meds is really helping, I feel a lot better overall. Plus with DH and I trying for another baby I think it gives me a lot to look forward to, that helps. How bout you? How you holding up?
PS--I'm going to take a nap so although I was quick to reply this time, I will be out of commission for a few hours

Hey I woke up from my nap--I feel like it helped me get a "reset". So glad my son is little enough to need naps! Dunno what I am thinking wanting to get pregnant again, cause with a newborn and a 3 year old (he's 2 now), I probably won't sleep at all! Oh well...that's life I guess!

Hi again a_m, glad to hear that you had a good nap, I am having one of those nights when I just can't sleep, it drives me crazy, I go through so many different phases with my sleeping, some nights I fall asleep right away and others forget it, and then I am up at 4:00 or 5:00 am and I can't fall back to sleep so I get up and put my coffee on, when I am up that early it makes for a very long day.
You will have to forgive me I will have to go and read your posts, I didn't know you were trying for another baby, I really hope it goes well for you.
I guess I have not had such good luck with therapists and every other kind of dr. I understand that it does take so much out of me when I go, I think that I hold back so much now I just want to go and get my prescriptions and get out,
So it was nice chatting with you,
I hope you keep us updated with your baby news!

tfu

Hey tfu,
Sleep stuff is so maddening sometimes. Lately I've been doing this nap in the afternoon, stay up late and get up early and feel exhausted half the day kind of things. I really need to just go to bed earlier at night, it's my own fault really, but I just HATE going to bed! Haha. Always have. Anyway, normally I'd be having trouble getting to sleep but I use some homeopathic lozenges that have calming herbs, and valerian root which helps with sleep. It really seems to help me nod off...even if it's nothing more than a placebo effect/psychological thing I'll take it! It works for me.

I'm not sure if I talked much about the baby thing, for a long time I wasn't ready to try again, I had a miscarriage about 6 months ago and only about 2 weeks ago made the tentative decision to try again. I'm getting more and more excited about it so I think it's the right thing to do, help me move past this.

I hear you about it taking so much out of you when you go to therapy. My viewpoint on that is, we obviously have some deep stuff going on, stuff that is really bad that we dont' want to face and so we are depressed from trying to repress the bad stuff and not think about it/deal with it. So I guess, the idea is, if we just go ahead and delve into this crap, wade through all the messy stuff, and sort of do some intensive work that after we sort of get it all out, that we will have much better quality of life after that. So, personally my opinion is that you shouldn't hold back with your therapist, because that's counterproductive. You're there to get better, but if you aren't ready to work on stuff right now, then your money could be better spent elsewhere, you know? My thought is just decide whether this is what you want to do---give it a fair shot---or if you just want to do the medication for now and approach it at a later date. There's no shame in that either. I feel like right now is a good time for me to work on stuff because my medication is actually working and helping me. That way the bad stuff is easier to bear. Hope this isn't too long-winded, but just my ruminations on it...
Also about your therapist, if you are holding back because you don't feel comfortable with your particular therapist, then I'd think about changing therapists. There is always a certain amount of risk we have to take to try to get to a better place...the risk of being vulnerable and sharing our worst problems. But, remember that this is their job...they see everyone's dirty laundry, so to speak. So I'm guessing what you have to say won't be anything new or shocking to them.
I hope you can get what you want or need from therapy, I think the more honest you can be with your therapist, the better they will be able to help you.
Take care, and yes I'll keep you all posted!
Joy

Hi a_m, I am sorry to hear that you had a miscarriage, I can't even imagine how hard that must of been. Is the meds you take all natural? I have never gone that way. When you mentioned valerian root I have heard about it, is that the one that smells really bad?
I go next week to see my therapist again, I think that is it I really don't feel comfortable with her and she always has a nurse in the room too,they just seem to stare at me, the last time I went they also had a medical student in the room and I was so uncomfortable, but being me I didn't say anything I wish I had the guts to say yes it does bother me that he was in the room too, so it was a very short and strange session.
take care,

tfu

Thanks tfu, yes it was one of the hardest things I have gone through that I know of. It was all messed up too because I ended up bleeding really bad and my DH had to rush me into ER, passed out a couple of times in the hospital room, got an emergency D&C to stop the bleeding, had a couple blood transfusions, and then ended up with a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lung). Soooo...needless to say it was rather traumatic. I am all ok now, though, the blood clot was a small one and wasn't as serious as it could have been. I was on blood thinners for 3 months and then cleared to get off them.

Anyway that's sort of a long story...
If you really don't feel comfortable with your therapist, could you try a different one? If you don't feel comfortable to share, then really the therapy is not helping you. There needs to be a good rapport between the client and the therapist to really get in there and get some serious work done. I know I would feel uncomfortable and awkward with two or three people in the room all staring at me. In my opinion, it should feel like a private, quiet conversation between two friends. I mean, you don't make friends right away, and there's not an instant bond, but as time goes on you should feel more and more comfortable and be able to open up. Are there other therapists in the same office that might work better? Or a different clinic/office altogether?
You take care too,
--Joy

Hi Joy and tfu, I have skimmed your answers but just want to put in, it is exhausting going to therapy. I can absolutely see the benefit but sometimes just feel like giving her the knife at the start and say "stab me" Obviously I mean this metaphorically but the pain is real, I find is mad that words can effect so much!!
I am hoping with time, patience and some energy I will be able to understand exactly what it is that I am avoiding ( if anything)

Chez, I agree completely, and I think that's why I approach each session with anxiety even though I know it will help me in the end. When's your next appointment?

HI Joy
thank you for asking, my next planned session is wednesday but if I feel up to it in the morning (couple of hours) i will try and phone, there has been such a big shift in my mood over the weekend I think it will be worthwhile getting it out there. At moments like this I think it is best to share everything, even if I do feel more vulnerable with it, I suppose it comes down to trusting in the process!
How are you and when is your next session?

Hi Chez,
I hope you did call your therapist and talk about what's going on, it is good to share it all, because then they can best help you, being armed with all the facts. It is hard being vulnerable like that, but it's important. That way your therapist knows what's going on with you.

Hello! I worked through therapy for 20 years and you are correct, it is emotionally exhausting. However, at least there is the fact that this exhaustion is fruitful. It also is extremely exhausting keeping things buried or pretending they didn't happen. When I first started therapy, I was afraid that I would change and it might destroy my marriage. If I had just accepted this instead of skirting around it, I probably wouldn't have had to spend as many years there as I did. I finally ran out of things to talk about (yes it does happen), I ran out of tears to cry. I am better, not perfect, but better than I ever have been. I have changed, the problem with my spouse was never mine to deal with. It belongs to him. He will now have to decide to like my changes or not like them. I will no longer pretend to be satisfied with things as they were. I wish you well. Stick with your therapy, and if you don't 'click' with this person, find one you feel comfortable with. Having others in the room to observe is extremely disrespectful of you and your feelings. You are not a sideshow.