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    Lis11 posted:
    Hello everyone,
    I haven't posted much lately, I am having a really bad time right now. The last 3 days especially. I am not sure what is wrong. I am so depressed, I can't get up out of bed when I do I mope around and cry about everything. My husband is trying his best to help me. I don't know what is going on. I have never been like this before. Its like I almost want to just give up. But I know I can't because I have three beautiful children that need me and a husband who would die without me. But I can't take it anymore. I am in such a deep dark hole and I can't get out I didn't get showered until 4:30 today and then we took my kids swimming at my sister in laws. I wasn't going to go but forced myself hoping it would make me feel a little better but it didn't work. I made my husband bring me right back home. So now I sit here all alone with everything to think about. I am going to drive myself crazy!!
    I need help, any suggestions on what I could do to make the bad feelings and thoughts go away? I am taking all my meds as prescribed and also taking the xanax more than I have in the past because it helps me relax a bit.
    Sorry for all the negative thoughts and talk I am just so lost and scared ;(
    alaska_mommy responded:
    Hi Lis,
    I'm sorry you're feeling this way! If I were you I would call your therapist (are you seeing one?) and get in for an appointment asap. Let them know you're at the end of your rope...and mention suicidal thoughts. See if you can either get in for an emergency appointment or have a phone appointment.
    Call one of the numbers on the crisis resources page. And tell them what you've told us.
    How long has it been since you started your meds again? I would hope by now they would be helping you!!!
    Keep talking to us Lis!
    totalyfedup replied to alaska_mommy's response:
    Hi Lis, I wish I could help you a little bit right now I am not doing so good myself. You don't have to be sorry for anything, that is what we are here for.
    I know how that terrible feeling. Does your Husband and kids support you, I know all to well how it feels not to have any support.
    I am sorry once again for not being able to help you today, I just hope that you can stop the negative feelings.
    feel better,

    need support
    Fowden responded:
    I don't know if this will help you, but it's the only way I've found to make it sometimes. The people in AA and NA...etc., say live one day at a time, but I've found if I try to make it 1 hour at a time it helps. Just get through the next hour. Just focus on one thing at a time. If you try to take in everything you have going on at once, it becomes overwhelming.
    sunflower62509 responded:
    I would definitely call your MD, even though it's sunday, someone will be on call to get back to you. And if you need to take another Xanax just to get through the next few hours-do it!! Anything that can provide some relief, just do it! I know how you feel, I've been visiting that horrible place more and more over the past few weeks I know this sounds silly, but did you actually go in the pool? If not, maybe ask your husband to pick you back up and just dive in, Don't give it any thought, just do it. I know it sounds silly, but for some reason it's helped me before to get through a few rough hours.Hope to hear how your doing soon!
    susiemargaret responded:
    hello, L --

    i am so sorry you've been feeling discouraged and isolated and lost and scared. it is particularly disturbing the first time this happens, believe me, i know. you think that you'll never feel any better, but that's not true, believe me, i know that too.

    i agree with everything that's already been said -- take some deep breaths, sit down. call your dr. take your meds. aim for getting thru one hour at a time, half an hr at a time, five mins at a time. if you're having trouble doing even that, call a crisis line, . if that doesn't help enough, go to the ER. you don't have to make any big decisions right now (or even small ones). they can wait for a few days or a few weeks or a few months; very little has to be resolved within the first five mins after it comes up, plus almost nothing is irrevocable.

    i send you many caring and healing thoughts. please don't give up; we are all with you. i will check on you again before i go to bed.

    -- susie margaret
    what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
    Lis11 responded:
    Thank you so those of you who took the time to respond. Its Monday now and I am in that bad place still, the only difference is that everyone else went back to work and I am here all alone with the kids. I tried to find a sitter to come help but everyone was busy with it being the last min. I am ok, only for the kids. I am pretending I am ok, but inside I feel like I am going to burst
    I called the DR and they are getting me in tomorrow first thing. Not sure if it will help or not but I am willing to try anything at this point. I spent the whole weekend in bed crying and feeling sick. My husband was a saint! Not sure what I would have done without him.
    To answer someone's question I did get in the pool and it did help for a few mins.
    What is wrong with me?? I have never been this bad before and it is really scary. My husband doesn't want to leave me alone but he didn't have a choice for work today. I swore to everyone that I wouldn't hurt myself but it doesn't stop the negative thoughts. Just want them to stop!!!!

    Sorry to everyone for not posting to others but I can barely deal with myself right now. I hope to start feeling better soon. One can only hope right!?!?

    alaska_mommy replied to Lis11's response:
    Hi Lis,
    I'm so sorry you're feeling like's so horrible being in such a bad way. I'm really glad you're getting in to the doc's tomorrow. Be sure and tell the doc EXACTLY how you're feeling, including any urges/thoughts of self-harm or suicide. Mention all your physical pains as well, even if they seem trivial. Take your husband along with you, if you can. Sometimes they see things that we don't and can tell the doctor more information. If you need help keeping it together today, call one of the crisis assistance resources (hopefully you see them above on the left hand side of the page). Talk to someone, and keep as often as you need today to keep yourself safe. And keep us updated on how you are, ok?
    Lis11 replied to alaska_mommy's response:
    I just got back from the dr and she thinks I just need to give my meds more time to work. She just upped my efferer to the max last week, maybe that is the cause of the deepened depression over the weekend. I don't know. I was totally honest with her. She also gave me more xanax to take as I feel like its getting out of control. So that I was happy about.
    Still feeling down in the dumps still today but not nearly as bad as the weekend. Maybe because I am here with the kids alone and I know that they need me.
    I promised I wouldn't do anything to hurt myself and I mean it. I have decided that my kids need me more.
    Thank you for all your kind words over the last few days.

    niteflier replied to Lis11's response:
    Hey Lis, glad to hear your visit with your dr. went well. unfortunately, as you already heard before, it takes some medications weeks to work.
    sorry to hear you are down in the dumps, but happy you are up a little bit from the past weekend. i am proud of you for committing to your dr. about not sh and realize that your kids do need you. i hope the increase in the meds and the xanax helps your mood improve soon.

    sending ((((Hugs)))) your way

    Perhaps the Animal Spirit is so great that one day it may inspire compassion in the human heart. Nan Sea Love

    alaska_mommy replied to Lis11's response:
    Hi Lis, I'm glad you got some stronger Rx on the xanax, I know for me that was like a wonder drug for my anxiety. I'mg glad you're feeling better than you were over the weekend.
    I hope the effexor starts to work for you soon! How long have you been on it again?

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