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I have had enough.
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Chez1 posted:
Hi all, I am sorry for the title and for what is going to read as self pity.


The rollercoaster that I have been riding for what seems like a life time has slowed right down, I think it is telling me it is time to get off and get on with my life which is a good thing and is certainly something that I have been waiting on.

So here I am ready to get off, but get off to what?? I don't think I have ever felt so low in my life, in a way I have been quite lucky in depression in that low mood, avoidance and apathy don't tend to affect me. Don't get me wrong I have my lazy moments and at times would rather stick hot needles in my eyes than engage with others but I do generally manage and on the whole I do have a good social life.

But now, I don't want to see anyone, don't want to go anywhere, don't want to speak, just don't want to do anything at all. I want to stay indoors and keep myself to myself, I don't even want to go to work. I have had periods before where I have wanted to hide from others, but that has been to stay safe and stop myself from hurting myself or others, where as now I just can't be bothered.

Anyone any ideas where I go from here? I am not currently on any medication (due to my poor compliance), I see psychologist once/twice weekly and dr fortnightly.

Is this depression? Is what I have been feeling up until now been depression? Why is it so complicated and frustrating?
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
10 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:I have had enough.Hi all, I am sorry for the title and for what is going to read as self pity.<br /><br /><br />The rollercoaster that I have been riding for what seems like a life time has slowed right down, I think it is telling me it is time to get off and get on with my life which is a good thing and is certainly something that I have been waiting on. <br /><br />So here I am ready to get off, but get off to what?? I don't think I have ever felt so low in my life, in a way I have been quite lucky in depression in that low mood, avoidance and apathy don't tend to affect me. Don't get me wrong I have my lazy moments and at times would rather stick hot needles in my eyes than engage with others but I do generally manage and on the whole I do have a good social life. <br /><br />But now, I don't want to see anyone, don't want to go anywhere, don't want to speak, just don't want to do anything at all. I want to stay indoors and keep myself to myself, I don't even want to go to work. I have had periods before where I have wanted to hide from others, but that has been to stay safe and stop myself from hurting myself or others, where as now I just can't be bothered. <br /><br />Anyone any ideas where I go from here? I am not currently on any medication (due to my poor compliance), I see psychologist once/twice weekly and dr fortnightly.<br /><br />Is this depression? Is what I have been feeling up until now been depression? Why is it so complicated and frustrating?
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alaska_mommy responded:
Hi Chez,
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It seems like there are different kinds of depressions, such as feeling bad about yourself and worthless, feeling irritable, feeling apathetic, avoiding others etc...I think you can have one of those things or you can have all of them or a combination. Seems like depression affects different people in different ways.
So I would say yes you had depression before, just a different kind.
Do you think you could get back on your medication? Did it seem like it was even helping you? Does your psych know you're not taking it?
I hope you are being kind to yourself.
Hugs Chez!
---Joy
Report This| Share this:I have had enough.Hi Chez, <br />I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It seems like there are different kinds of depressions, such as feeling bad about yourself and worthless, feeling irritable, feeling apathetic, avoiding others etc...I think you can have one of those things or you can have all of them or a combination. Seems like depression affects different people in different ways. <br />So I would say yes you had depression before, just a different kind. <br />Do you think you could get back on your medication? Did it seem like it was even helping you? Does your psych know you're not taking it?<br />I hope you are being kind to yourself. <br />Hugs Chez!<br />---Joy
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totalyfedup replied to alaska_mommy's response:
Hi Chez, I am sorry you are feeling this way too, I did notice that you haven't been around much. I agree with am I think you should talk to your psych too about meds, sometimes it is trial and error before you get the one that will help.
Do you have any support at all?
Depression hits everybody in different ways and we are going to have good days and bad, I know how you feel about shutting yourself off to the world I have been there too.
Do you have any hobbies or intrests that might make you feel a little better? Even if you don't feel like it maybe going for a walk or seeing friends for coffee or something.
I wish I could help you more, just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel it might be a long one but it is there.
take care and let us know how you are doing.

tfu
need support
Report This| Share this:I have had enough.Hi Chez, I am sorry you are feeling this way too, I did notice that you haven't been around much. I agree with am I think you should talk to your psych too about meds, sometimes it is trial and error before you get the one that will help.<br />Do you have any support at all?<br />Depression hits everybody in different ways and we are going to have good days and bad, I know how you feel about shutting yourself off to the world I have been there too.<br />Do you have any hobbies or intrests that might make you feel a little better? Even if you don't feel like it maybe going for a walk or seeing friends for coffee or something.<br />I wish I could help you more, just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel it might be a long one but it is there.<br />take care and let us know how you are doing.<br /> <br />tfu
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niteflier responded:
Hey Chez, i am sorry i have been so consumed with my selfhatred lately that i do not think i have the energy to lift others out of their abyss. you are always there when we are at out lowest, i should have been able to respond to your posts. I do care for you and everyone here deeply - as we are all in the same dark place, yet we somehow find it in ourselves to try to lift the other out of the darkness.
I am not a dr. by any means, but do believe it is depression that is making you feel the way you feel. as everyone has been telling me - it is the depression making me feel like i am the reason that my bh (better half) is now depressed. i can only conclude that as we all know depression sucks!
I am on medication and still struggle on a daily basis, but i think it helps me more than i realize - saying this does not help you much ( is not taking medication your choice or your drs. choice for safety reasons? as always you dont have to answer, just things that go through my mind).
I hope you can find some peace and get some rest. Thank you again for your kindness.
((((((hugs and love)))))) sending your way.
again i apologize for not communicating more with everyone this last week.
Niteflier

Perhaps the Animal Spirit is so great that one day it may inspire compassion in the human heart. Nan Sea Love

Report This| Share this:I have had enough.Hey Chez, i am sorry i have been so consumed with my selfhatred lately that i do not think i have the energy to lift others out of their abyss. you are always there when we are at out lowest, i should have been able to respond to your posts. I do care for you and everyone here deeply - as we are all in the same dark place, yet we somehow find it in ourselves to try to lift the other out of the darkness. <br />I am not a dr. by any means, but do believe it is depression that is making you feel the way you feel. as everyone has been telling me - it is the depression making me feel like i am the reason that my bh (better half) is now depressed. i can only conclude that as we all know depression sucks! <br />I am on medication and still struggle on a daily basis, but i think it helps me more than i realize - saying this does not help you much ( is not taking medication your choice or your drs. choice for safety reasons? as always you dont have to answer, just things that go through my mind).<br />I hope you can find some peace and get some rest. Thank you again for your kindness.<br />((((((hugs and love)))))) sending your way. <br />again i apologize for not communicating more with everyone this last week.
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Jeune1 responded:
But now, I don't want to see anyone, don't want to go anywhere, don't want to speak, just don't want to do anything at all. I want to stay indoors and keep myself to myself, I don't even want to go to work. I have had periods before where I have wanted to hide from others, but that has been to stay safe and stop myself from hurting myself or others, where as now I just can't be bothered.

Sorry you're feeling this way. For me this is one of the early symptoms of MDE. I'm not a naturally outgoing person socially, but usually I like to be outdoors, walking around, people watching &c. Not wanting to go out ... just because is a warning sign that I tend to miss.

Take care and please let us know how you're doing.
Report This| Share this:I have had enough.<i>But now, I don't want to see anyone, don't want to go anywhere, don't want to speak, just don't want to do anything at all. I want to stay indoors and keep myself to myself, I don't even want to go to work. I have had periods before where I have wanted to hide from others, but that has been to stay safe and stop myself from hurting myself or others, where as now I just can't be bothered.<br /><br /></i>Sorry you're feeling this way. For me this is one of the early symptoms of MDE. I'm not a naturally outgoing person socially, but usually I like to be outdoors, walking around, people watching &amp;c. Not wanting to go out ... just because is a warning sign that I tend to miss. <br /><br />Take care and please let us know how you're doing.
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Chez1 replied to niteflier's response:
Hi NF, you really have no reason to apologise, we are all here for each other in whichever way we can be, we can not always be strong, I am beginning to learn this, but I don't like it!!

I am not on medication for safety reasons,and a bit of a stale mate between dr and I, but I do wonder if the anti-d's are now just completely out of my system which is causing my apathy to life, as Jeune says, these symptoms tend to be early warning signs, I maybe haven't had them in such a long time because the medication was working - food for thought for me!!
Just want to say, I abso-bloody-lutely agree, depression sucks!!


People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
Report This| Share this:I have had enough.Hi NF, you really have no reason to apologise, we are all here for each other in whichever way we can be, we can not always be strong, I am beginning to learn this, but I don't like it!! <br /><br />I am not on medication for safety reasons,and a bit of a stale mate between dr and I, but I do wonder if the anti-d's are now just completely out of my system which is causing my apathy to life, as Jeune says, these symptoms tend to be early warning signs, I maybe haven't had them in such a long time because the medication was working - food for thought for me!!<br />Just want to say, I abso-bloody-lutely agree, depression sucks!!<br /><br /><br /><img src=http://rlv.zcache.com/depression_sucks_dog_shirt-p155597038380311001bhfh0_400.jpg class=post_img />
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niteflier replied to Chez1's response:
Hey Chez, thank you again for making me smile. the picture is too cute. i have finally been able to schedule an appointment with my psych. on Wednesday. I am glad he is back. i just hope this rollercoaster ride slows down and gets back on its track soon. I went back and tried the seroques at a lower dosage - think that was a mistake.
how are you doing?
(((((hugs)))))
Niteflier

Perhaps the Animal Spirit is so great that one day it may inspire compassion in the human heart. Nan Sea Love

Report This| Share this:I have had enough.Hey Chez, thank you again for making me smile. the picture is too cute. i have finally been able to schedule an appointment with my psych. on Wednesday. I am glad he is back. i just hope this rollercoaster ride slows down and gets back on its track soon. I went back and tried the seroques at a lower dosage - think that was a mistake. <br />how are you doing?<br />(((((hugs)))))
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alaska_mommy replied to Chez1's response:
Chez, do you think you could be on your medication without using it for sh or saving it up? I wonder if you could get some sort of pill dispenser...maybe put them into one of those candy machines where you need a quarter to get it out? I know that sounds silly, and I guess you could just open the bottom, haha. It's too bad your H is not more supportive of you or else you could just have him give you your meds each day. How are you doing on the sh? Have you had your doctor check for any adverse affects physically that you've acquired from using meds for sh?
Hope you don't mind me being nosey, just worried about you.
I hope you are resting peacefully tonight/this morning.
Take care,
Joy
Report This| Share this:I have had enough.Chez, do you think you could be on your medication without using it for sh or saving it up? I wonder if you could get some sort of pill dispenser...maybe put them into one of those candy machines where you need a quarter to get it out? I know that sounds silly, and I guess you could just open the bottom, haha. It's too bad your H is not more supportive of you or else you could just have him give you your meds each day. How are you doing on the sh? Have you had your doctor check for any adverse affects physically that you've acquired from using meds for sh? <br />Hope you don't mind me being nosey, just worried about you. <br />I hope you are resting peacefully tonight/this morning. <br />Take care, <br />Joy
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alaska_mommy replied to niteflier's response:
Hey NF---
that stinks that lowering the seroquel is affecting your mood adversely. Does it really seem to help you mood-wise to have it up higher? And do they have any idea whether the grogginess is supposed to get better at some point? I would think people wouldn't really care for a med like that if it's going to make you feel like a zombie the next day. But if it's helping you, maybe it's a trade off...or else maybe they can find something that would work better. I hope you can get to feeling better soon.
Hugs for you as well!
--Joy
Report This| Share this:I have had enough.Hey NF---<br />that stinks that lowering the seroquel is affecting your mood adversely. Does it really seem to help you mood-wise to have it up higher? And do they have any idea whether the grogginess is supposed to get better at some point? I would think people wouldn't really care for a med like that if it's going to make you feel like a zombie the next day. But if it's helping you, maybe it's a trade off...or else maybe they can find something that would work better. I hope you can get to feeling better soon. <br />Hugs for you as well!<br />--Joy
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niteflier replied to alaska_mommy's response:
Hey AK Mommy, thank you, i have come to the conclusion that the only thing positive the seroquel does is that it helps me sleep half the day away - not a plus. luckily i have an appointment tomorrow and will ask to return to the abilify and keep the increase in the prozac - which does seem to be helping (if i don't take the seroquel with it). i'll let you know when i find out what the psych. decides to do tomorrow.
not sure if he might want to try something else to slow down the rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows.

How is your day going?

(((((Hugs)))))
Niteflier

Perhaps the Animal Spirit is so great that one day it may inspire compassion in the human heart. Nan Sea Love

Report This| Share this:I have had enough.Hey AK Mommy, thank you, i have come to the conclusion that the only thing positive the seroquel does is that it helps me sleep half the day away - not a plus. luckily i have an appointment tomorrow and will ask to return to the abilify and keep the increase in the prozac - which does seem to be helping (if i don't take the seroquel with it). i'll let you know when i find out what the psych. decides to do tomorrow.<br />not sure if he might want to try something else to slow down the rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows.<br /> <br />How is your day going?<br /> <br />(((((Hugs)))))
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alaska_mommy replied to niteflier's response:
Hey NF,
That stinks about the seroquel. I hope that by adjusting your other meds you could get rid of it altogether or at least reduce the dose.

I'm doing really well today, probably because I'm completely focused on trying to conceive. I had a positive ovulation predictor test yesterday, so I'm going nuts thinking I might be ovulating. Then it's on to the "two week wait", the amount of time you have to wait before you can test for pregnancy. There's a TTC forum that I post on so I'm obsessing over it there.
I'm guessing the excitement from that is giving me a really upbeat mood right now.
Report This| Share this:I have had enough.Hey NF, <br />That stinks about the seroquel. I hope that by adjusting your other meds you could get rid of it altogether or at least reduce the dose. <br /><br />I'm doing really well today, probably because I'm completely focused on trying to conceive. I had a positive ovulation predictor test yesterday, so I'm going nuts thinking I might be ovulating. Then it's on to the "two week wait", the amount of time you have to wait before you can test for pregnancy. There's a TTC forum that I post on so I'm obsessing over it there. <br />I'm guessing the excitement from that is giving me a really upbeat mood right now.
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