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DOWNFALL
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downfall posted:
(TRIGGER)

i am so sorry to post again but this has been one of the worst days of my
life and i dont know if i can go on anymore this afternoon

i had laid down for a little while just got up the time is going by so slowly and my husband wont be home for an hour and a half

I just dont know what is so very wrong today as it worse than other days have ever been and i am lost and nothing is helping me at all today

i just keeping thiking about what should have been had i taken the other job and none of this would be happening to me now and i would be living a normal life

i just cannot keep llving like this being so mentally upset and constantly
tortured with all of my thoughts never ever stopping at all

Cant even eat anything and havent bathed or groomed at all and I need to go to the counselor tonight

My husband will just to have get his own dinner tonight as I am not even capable of that at this time

I have never ever felt so much anguish, desparation and desoltation as I have today and I dont know why this is happening to me.

How do fight the demons inside and the suicidal thoughts as well?

How can i go on with my life if I never get another job ever again and dont work what will i do with myself?

I am just no good to anyone anymore the way that i feel and life needs to just go on without me as i cant handle it anymore and dont want to

sue

Sue
Reply
 
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alaska_mommy responded:
Sue, please get some help! Call the counselor's office and see if you can come in earlier. Maybe two appointments today, one now and one this evening with your husband? You need some support!
 
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downfall replied to alaska_mommy's response:
I dont have any support other than this group, i dont want to call my friend and bother her and the neighbor across the street doesnt seem to care you would think that she would call to see how i am but she doesnt and i dont want to bother her with my problems.

No one else to talk to, I am going to call the suicide hotline but i dont know if that is different from the crisis line that i have called today. I called the suicide hotline and they routed me to the crisis line and again wanted to talk to someone and they wouldnt talk to me is there anywhere else that i can call for help

I cant even leave the house without my husband to drive me today so we will have to wait until this evening to go

My husband will have to get his own dinner tonight as i am not capable of even that today and I know that he is going to be upset with me but I cant help it this day has been too much for me to bear

Job interview tomorrow dont want to go as if i I had made the right job decision I would be working not having to look for another job again.

Cant handle my life at all right now and my husband doesnt understand why i am always feeling like I am he goes to work
and I am here all alone

No one to blame for my bad job decision and the guilt that comes with is unberable to me anymore

I am such a mess that before I go the counselors I need to clean up but I dont even want to do that either just want to stay on the couch

Sue
 
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CMH7054 replied to downfall's response:
Go to the counselors and let it all out, Sue. Maybe the counselor needs to see how badly you feel.

You are not bothering us! Keep writing-it is helping you. And if you feel up to it, call every hotline you can find. They won't know how many you've called.

Your husband will survive getting his own dinner-you need to survive to be there to make him dinner another day.

Hang in there!


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