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Niteflier
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Demons2011 posted:
Hey Kiddo, see you're struggling right now. I know you get to make your decisions based on how you feel. You're the one which knows what you see through our distorted view with depressions mirror. I saw several people ask, what the others in your life want. I haven't seen an answer to that question or did I miss it? I know the distorted view I had and the damage I caused by making the decisions I made. Damage others can't forgive. Hoping you can make it better than I.
Reply
 
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niteflier responded:
Hey D, thank you so much. it is a distorted view without a doubt. i am not sure if i answered what others in my life want. when i try to talk to them they shut down. i asked them the other night what i could do to make them happy - their reply was 'you already do everything for me' and then asked me what they could do to make me happy. the only answer i had was for them to be happy cop out i know but that is how i feel.
i plan to stay and keep fighting the depression and hopefully one day we both can be happy. Sometimes i just fall of the track and get lost.
I hope you are wrong when you say 'others cannot forgive'. i have family that are extremely judgemental and have not forgiven the mistakes i have made. sometimes just when i think they have, they in turn say hurtful things.
now i am rambling....

How are you doing?

(((((hugs)))))
Niteflier

Perhaps the Animal Spirit is so great that one day it may inspire compassion in the human heart. Nan Sea Love

 
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Demons2011 replied to niteflier's response:
Doing? Hard to define. Upright and breathing. Can't say that's exciting but it's alive. Some times it's torturous. Other times it's O.K.. Won't lie to you and tell you otherwise. There isn't much joy in Mudville. I know that's my fault, doubt it will get much better. As far as others which won't forgive, that's not everyone, some do - some have been hurt enough they won't risk it again. It's not the depression but the actions we have chosen to take - the roller coaster we put them through.

Lot's of hugs and caring thoughts are coming your way - wanting those around you happy isn't a cop out. It's called loving them.
 
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niteflier replied to Demons2011's response:
Hey D, i am happy that you are upright and breathing. i always look at that as a plus - even if the day following is not as positive as i hope for. that is one thing that i wish we could step off of - the roller coaster ride - into a happy place wouldn't that be something.........until then i'll be happy with waking up, being upright and breathing
i do understand that my actions have and do put a strain on my family and have many regrets. the only thing left to do is try to get better.....(easier said than done - but i am hoping one day )

sending (((((Hugs)))) and love your way.
Niteflier

Perhaps the Animal Spirit is so great that one day it may inspire compassion in the human heart. Nan Sea Love

 
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alaska_mommy replied to niteflier's response:
NF...I know you are trying hard to get better, talking to your psych doc and trying different levels of meds, and just trying to survive. I think we are always measuring ourselves against our healthy friends and family, such as, I can't even get out of bed and look what they're doing, but that's not fair to ourselves when depression is in charge. Keep it in perspective, you're doing the best you can right now, and nobody can ask more from you than that.
 
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niteflier replied to alaska_mommy's response:
thank you ak mommy, how are you doing today? i saw my psych day before yesterday and felt better after talking to him. he decreased my seroquel to 25mg which is much better - i'm not a walking zombi the next day. apologize it took so long to reply - internet went out ...... finally got it up and running today .
Niteflier

Perhaps the Animal Spirit is so great that one day it may inspire compassion in the human heart. Nan Sea Love

 
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alaska_mommy replied to niteflier's response:
Hey no prob I know how that goes! Back when we were up in AK living in our cabin, the internet would go out every time there was a storm. We had satellite internet since there was no phone cable to the cabin.
I'm glad you saw your psych and that you feel better, and that's great that the seroquel is down some. Will you have a different med to help cover for the lesser amount of seroquel? As far as anti-depressant qualities, that is. Glad you're back on the net!
 
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niteflier replied to alaska_mommy's response:
hey ak mommy, how are you doing? we don't usually have lightning storms, but have had several lately - i like them until they knock out my electronics.......lol. i do like to hear the thunder roll and how the sky lights up.

hope you are having a good day

(((((Hugs)))))
Niteflier

Perhaps the Animal Spirit is so great that one day it may inspire compassion in the human heart. Nan Sea Love

 
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alaska_mommy replied to niteflier's response:
Thanks NF, glad to hear from you. I'm doing good today. Something about church this morning really touched me, and up until now during the last 6 months I have just been sullen in church for the most part. So it was nice to actually feel something different...feel some of that anger going away. I hope the trend continues! I also found a book that has really been resonating with me, about infant loss/miscarriage (from a spiritual point of view). I think that's going to help too.
Take care,
Joy
 
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Chez1 replied to alaska_mommy's response:
Hi Joy
Just want to say a huge thank you to you for being there for me and others over the past couple of weeks. You have shown great compassion, insight, care and love to all even through what has continued to be a tough time for you.
I am glad to see you are going to see the dr about meds for getting pregnant (also to see you have starting trying!), that is a huge step forward for you.
Take care and hugs flying your way
Chez x
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
 
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alaska_mommy replied to Chez1's response:
Aw Chez, thank you so much, for your support as well as you have also been so compassionate to others despite all the struggles you have been facing. I'm glad too to hear that you're feeling better yourself, that's so great! I hope that trend continues.
HUGS at you too!
Joy


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