Depression Community

Thanks for checking in, NF!
Hugs to you too!!

Hi nf, How are you doing?

hey nf, oh me no internet for days, that would bring me to my knees!!!
How are you doing?
hugs
Chez x

Glad you're back Niteflyer - we missed you. How's the drawing coming?

(Trigger)

Hey TFU, Chez, ak mommy and D, as you have probably guessed i have been struggling - when that happens i tend to not post so I don't bring any 'negativity' to others (i know that we are here for each other, i just feel i would be whinning and bringing others down when i know the feeling will pass - or at least hope.). i have once again failed at sh, i don't know why it makes me feel ....im not sure if feel better or just feel alive - pain has an affect in my brain. i'm babbling - i have no idea why i do what i do. I am ok, went for a walk to a friends place (at midnight) chatted then walked home. i saw a post earlier from i believe that said this room is a click - and they received no attention...as akmommy did, i tried to find a post by them reaching out - with no luck. unfortunately they do not realize that sometimes we (unfortunately) get so lost we can't even post.
Wanted to say thank you for being there for me and i will strive more to post when i need your support. (not sure if this is making any sense - i just care for everyone here and wish i were not such a basket case....- for a loss of better words - lately i would welcome a rubber room and i cant figure out what snapped for me to feel that way.
sending ((((((hugs and love)))))) to everyone here. i wish we all lived in a community (physically), but know that is not to be. you all give so much of yourselves, i can only be humbled to have you all as my friends. thank you.
D, i havent been able to pick up my pencils in a few days but hope to soon. after talking to my sister (she wants to talk about the loss of our father)afterward, i felt more alone - so much hatred on their part - its exhausting. (recap - my dads family blames me for his death - i gave him the medication he needed to no longer suffer and they felt that was selfish). i guess i am just tired.
Chez - thought about rereading and canceling this post, but through your recommendation i will let it ride. thank you.

hey nf, you sound in so much pain, I would love to come and take it all away from you, as I can't I will just hold out my hand for you to grab onto (hold it as tight as you want). And you know I am so proud of you for not deleting.
I have been working loads with the psych about stopping sh, sadly I am not winning that battle as yet but I believe I will, because I have to, otherwise I am going to do some permanent damage (that would be because I mix sh with meds) so so stupid I know and the phrase "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" has never been so prevalent.
I did not see the post you referred to, but every now and then there are people who feel they do not get support, it is very sad but as you say this is not a live chat room and there are times when we as individuals are not strong enough post at the time, I hope the person checks back in so and gives the group another go.
Me personally am not sure where I would be without this group, I have been able to express so much of what is going on for me which has given release to alot of emotions (which otherwise would have been expressed in other ways).
I am rambling now, I still have a small art project for you when you are ready to pick up your pencils but meanwhile keep safe, get help if you need it for aftermath of sh, and post as and when you can. Also please be reassured that you will never bring the group down, your job is to post and ours is to respond!!!
Take good care of you, you are worth it
love and hugs
Chez x

Thank you again Chez, i am doing better today. i am glad that you are working closely with your psych - hate to hear you are still fighting it, but i am glad you are fighting. you seem to always have the right things to say to lift someone up. i too am thankful for you and everyone else in this group and think of you all often.

i have asked to work with someone who works on yachts (sanding, painting etc) during the summer - i hope they call and tell me to show up on monday - i just need to have a function - where right now i have too much idle time (not a good thing for me).

- what is the art project?

(((((Hugs)))))

hi again
thank you for being so kind, not sure I really have the right words but I am good at babbling and rambling, and in fairness to myself today has been a good day for it!! (maybe not you lot though!)
Anyway, my project - it is a bit of an imposition for me to ask so please feel free to tell me to get lost, but one of the the things I am working in therapy is having a "safe place" it is a place in my head that no bad thoughts are allowed into, its a picture which is also to incorporate other senses. I had one picture which has been shaded by darkness but now have this vision of me sitting on a rock in the river, the river is shallow where I am sitting and is flowing slowly south. It is deep blue but clear, I can see the stones on the river bed, there are lots of trees around me, blue sky, some clouds and bright. I don't have the best imagination so struggle to keep the picture in my head when I need it and I am crap at art so couldn't/wouldn't even contemplate drawing it, I was wondering if you could try? I know it is a big ask and I really do understand that if you want to tell me not a chance, I just thought I would ask because I have loved all the pics you have shown us so far.
Anyway, as I said it is a day for rambling on and on!
Hope you are having a nice afternoon and managing to do something good for you
hugs
Chez x

Hi NF,
For some reason I didn't see your update on how you are doing.
I'm sorry to hear it's not good for you, although I was guessing that was the case. I feel so useless sometimes for people who are really hurting, there really is not much I can do and really nothing I can do to take the hurt away. I can only offer my consolation and a hug, and hope that is enough. My thoughts are with you, take good care of yourself if you can. And if it's too hard to talk to your sister or your family, then maybe you just need to change your phone number for a little while to get some breathing room. You need to focus on you right now, not on giving them what they want or trying to be there for them. You need to make yourself a priority. I know that if I were your father, and death was imminent, and I was hurting, I would love to know that you were standing right there and willing and able to take that pain away, even if only for a moment of peace before I went to my final resting place. Just think of that...that you were able to give him the gift of not feeling that pain and being in peace for his final breath. Almost like you were telling him, Dad, I'm here, I love you, and I want to take your pain away. I'm sure he was grateful for that.