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    so confused
    An_246669 posted:
    First of all I hope I am doing this right, as it seems lately I cant even do that..

    I am writting here because I am not sure if I am depressed or it's just life in general. Before logging on I read a caption that something about low vitamin D can cause depression? Is this true. My doctor has me on 50,000 units a week...It takes everything I have to do things around the house anymore. I have gained alot of weight. I don't like to be sexual anymore cause I feel fat and ugly. I am going through some family problems but I just am not sure. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

    DanaLunc responded:
    Have you had your thyroid checked? Sunshine is a natural source for vitamin D. If your thyroid is off it could cause weight gain and loss of energy. Also a vitamin deficiency could make you feel this way. I'm not a Dr., but if I were you I might think about asking my Dr. for some blood tests to have my vitamin levels and thyroid checked.

    Good Luck and I hope you feel better soon!
    cbre66 replied to DanaLunc's response:
    Thanks DanaLunc, I have had all that done and I am not a nemic(hope I spelt that right)the thyroids are ok.I am just lost for words.There are times I feel like I do not excist to anyone. I asked my husband of 27 years the other day if he even loved me anymore.I feel as if all he wants is sex and its not making love holding me or anything like that just sex and then he goes into the other room to sleep not a hug or I Love you.Nothing.I just was confused if me feeling this way could be from being low on the vitamin D or not. I have other issues going on also so I wasn't for sure if it was depression or lack of vitamin D
    DanaLunc replied to cbre66's response:
    Well, that's men in general, not just your husband. Doesn't have anything to do with you. It's probably hard for him to be really loving and joke around when it's obvious that you are in such a bad place with your self esteme right now.

    Try forcing yourself to joke around with him and maybe he will relax.

    I hope you feel better. I'm starting to a little.
    Demons2011 replied to DanaLunc's response:
    As a male, I protest the generalization. Especially as an older male. From birth we are taught by our mothers and our fathers to be strong, silent, don't cry and don't admit you emotions - no one wants to see those. Control, Control, Control. We are also taught love/sex is conditional, especially sex. You have to make me happy, cheerful, feel special, make me feel secure, give me children; etc, etc, etc. Heck we are lucky if we can guess which one is the right one for the individual person. Even after we are married, it's conditional. After a while we get confused, don't know what to say or just down right do. Women set the pattern and we, men know not to try something new or different in any part of our life.. Guess that's why we just collapse inward.
    alaska_mommy replied to Demons2011's response:
    I protest the generalization husband is not like that. Sleeping in a different bed to me is a big indicator that something is not right in the relationship.
    My DH is not real cuddly in general, but is very tender during sex and cuddles a lot at the beginning and afterwards. He is attentive to my needs and makes sure I am happy. So I protest that cbre66's husband is just like all other men.
    D, I think you're right about that, for some (many?) women it seems like sex is conditional, and the women in general act pretty cold about it, like they could take it or leave it but will acquiesce if the husband jumps through the right hoops. And that is sad.
    Granted, I'm not going to be much in the mood if I'm mad at DH, but in general we both know that physical intimacy helps us feel emotionally intimate if we are feeling a little distant. If sex were to fall off the radar for us, I'd be seriously concerned.
    cbre66 replied to alaska_mommy's response:
    Well I'm not sure if it's the vitamin D being low or depressed but I will say one thing a woman needs to feel loved and for her husband to say I LOVE YOU maybe a hug now and then or even after hold you or a kiss on the forhead some kind of knowledgement that he loves you and NOT just for sex, but in my case its like lets have SEX try to be plastic woman and watch the clock so we can see how long it's been, till I cant even hardly walk then just get up and heck goes in the other room to go to bed.NOW making love to me is caring holding and NOT doing all the above I had mentioned...I am only human and a woman I don't think I have to be treated like plastic woman that gets picked up and paid off the streets by the hour.MY whole theory of getting on here is to find out if low vitamin D can cause me to feel like im in the blue mode like no one cares for me or even likes me...Thanks for all of ya'lls input and listening to me jabber. Guess I just need to continue what I'm doing and not worry about anything.....
    alaska_mommy replied to cbre66's response:
    I think you need to stand up for yourself with your husband...I know with feeling down and out that can be hard to do. But you don't deserve to be "used" like that. If he wants sex from you, he can make it worth your while, and make it enjoyable, too. Otherwise, it's your body, you get to decide what happens to it. Has he always been like this or is this new?
    alaska_mommy replied to cbre66's response:
    PS Getting treated like dirt by your husband might be a major contributor to you feeling like no one cares for you or even likes you. When those who are closest to us don't even seem to like us, that can really affect our self esteem.
    DanaLunc replied to Demons2011's response:
    OMG!!! thanks for the insite Demons! I think you are right. Women (most) spend too much time trying to rashonalize behaviour of their spouse and men .... try as they may just want to relax and enjoy life.
    DanaLunc replied to alaska_mommy's response:
    Just sayin...... I think that it means more to women than it means to men... not that it's bad. We're just more emotional.
    Dang.. two protests? I can't have an opinion. ? really? I kind of thought that is what people were looking for were opinions by posting... advice is just what it is... advice.. take it or leave it. No hard feelings intended. I really enjoy most of your posts.
    DanaLunc replied to cbre66's response:
    good morning cbre66.
    I still (my opinion only) think that you should see a Dr. ... just let them know that your in a "funk" and can't seem to bring yourself out of it.

    I'm not sure about vitamin D causing depression, but that would be a great question for your Dr. I really really hope that you feel better and are treated in the way that you deserve.
    alaska_mommy replied to DanaLunc's response:
    I didn't mean to offend you, I guess it's just something that bothers me because I don't consider a man who just uses his wife and then tosses her aside to be "just men" in general.
    I think sex is equally important to men, what I've heard it put as is that men want to feel love (and express it) so they want to have sex, whereas women want to feel loved and express their love prior to having sex. Just a difference in communicating I think. Still, a man should be attuned to what his spouse/partner wants or needs during sex to make it enjoyable for both.
    That's all I'm saying! We're all entitled to our opinions, and we each have different experiences as well that form our opinions. Nothing wrong with that.
    itmatsb responded:
    No, you definately are describing depression (on further postings above) which needs treatment. It is not from the Vitamin D. And 50,000 units a week of Vitamin D is a LOT. I was put on that dose for just 6 weeks because my parathyroid was dysfunctioning which is serious. Most people take 1000 units a day, so why are you on such a high dose?

    I would be honest with your husband that you are getting help for depression. He doesn't know what is the matter. Then be complimentary in some way about him and tell him that it would mean a lot to you if he would kiss your forehead and hug you sometimes. Tell him that would make you feel more sexy with him.

    I feel greatly loved by my husband who is always very keyed into me, needs me to be pleasured in bed for him to have sex, gives me encouragement whenever I need it, etc. etc., but he rarely tells me that he loves me. Men are less vocal than women are.

    I think that your husband is just out of touch with the way that he should be. And the more depressed and inward you are probably becoming, only make him worse. Try to be loving towards your husband, communicate with him, and I think that you will see a difference. BUT, definately get help with your depression.

    Wish you the best.
    itmatsb replied to itmatsb's response:
    My advice about your husband may seem wrong to you and some others. If you're so angry with him that you can't be loving towards him, then you need marital counseling. But either way, you have to decide what is more important to you, improving your marraige or making things more nasty at home and getting a divorce. Maybe you want a divorce and that's okay too. But they always say to NOT make any major decisions while you are depressed.

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