Depression Community

Hey all, my turn to complain I guess?
Sometimes I let myself think about our finances too hard and then I get really down. We have a ton of debt that we can't even begin to address and our income is basically enough to live off of and no more. Can't afford to file bankruptcy, it will cost us about $1500 to do that. Um, if I had $1500 laying around I wouldn't be needing to file bankruptcy. Hah.
DH has tried ever since we got married to find a good-paying job that he likes, heck even a better paying job that he doesn't like, but he hasn't been able to find a good fit. Even with jobs he doesn't like we can't seem to get ahead. Right now he's a trucker and it's long hard hours for what seems like not enough pay to justify all the hard work.
And he hates it, but he does it because he has a family.

I'm a stay at home mom so I don't contribute, and the only thing I could do is maybe sell some arts & crafts stuff and that never makes very much money anyway. I did a little bit of knitting for profit but only made about $20 after the cost of yarn was paid. Eh...

I know economy is bad right now, and we're lucky to have enough to pay our immediate bills. Is it wrong for me to be dissatisfied with that though? I grew up somewhat poor, and now looks like that will continue on indefinitely in adulthood. Just annoying I guess...hoped it would be better but I guess some of us got it and some of us just don't. I hate doing the budget because it reminds me how much money we don't have, but then if I don't do it we're worse off so...grrr. We'd like to move back up to Alaska some day but that's not looking like it's really a possibility anytime soon. Maybe if we get some tax money back in the new year we can file bankruptcy. Not that that would have any impact on our day to day life, since we're not able to pay on those debts anyway. It would just give us peace of mind that none of our creditors tries to take us to court or something.
And then DH has to go and talk about politics in bed tonight...ugh I already feel like our personal lives are depressing enough without talking about the state of affairs in the white house. I never have liked politics anyway. I just keep my nose out of it because America is going to hell in a handbasket far as I can tell. No offense to any patriotic souls out there...just my estimation of it from what little I know. I think what it comes down to is I feel like I have no control in life, nothing I can do about the country on the big scale of things, and down on the small scale there's nothing I can do about job stuff for DH. I've tried looking for work for him and then got discouraged and gave it up after he applied to several promising jobs and never got called. I was even willing to part with him for two weeks at a time so he could go work up in Prudhoe Bay in Alaska on the oil pipeline.
Then I get to wondering whether it's our fault, the economy, or if God is punishing us for something? Or trying to get our attention or bring us to our knees so we look to Him? Or just not caring at all and letting us suffer. None of those options sound good so I think I'd rather leave God out of the picture. Hey, I tried to be a good Christian but I never got anywhere, so I figure I'm on my own now.
Sorry...long rant...just looking back on my life without seeing very much good in it. My son is wonderful, and maybe that will be all I contribute to this world, is a couple of good kids. I hope that will be enough.