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alaska_mommy posted:
I don't think I am liking this too much. I think maybe I'd rather skip therapy and just take my happy pill? I mean, I'm not that bad, really? I'm not suicidal or anything...I've got a lot going for me...right? Um...yeah that's what I'd like to think. Ugh. I don't really care for this stuff...seems like it's just too much work and too confusing trying to slog through all the yuck. I dunno...I'm sure that's why I'm where I'm at now, because I've avoided the hard work in the past, and that has led me to where I am today. Still, do I have to do it now? I think I'm getting whiny here. "But Mom, can't I clean my room tomorrow? Awww man!"
Lis11 responded:
You can clean it tomorrow as long as you promise LOL

I feel the same way right now about therapy. Actually my pdoc said I didn't really need to do therapy until I got my meds figured out because it would be to much. But I decided to start it anyway and now I wish I would have listened to her.

I know this is probably to personal to ask you this but...
How many more days until you can check the test??? I am excited for you!!

alaska_mommy replied to Lis11's response:
Haha thanks, Mom!

You know you can always postpone your next therapy session until you do get your meds figured out. If it's just stressing you out more than it's helping you right now, there's nothing wrong with calling "Time Out!" until you're better able to cope with it. Therapy sure isn't for the faint of heart, I tell you what. Sometimes it feels like 1 step forward, 3 steps back!

No, not personal at all...I might be able to know something by this Sunday, for sure by a week from now. Next Thursday would be a day after my expected period (hope that's not TMI for our male members here!). Sunday would be 12 days past ovulation so possibly would see a rise of HcG by that date...of course that hasn't stopped me from peeing on a test every day since 6 days past ovulation. I think I have found my weakness. Usually I have good self-control with other stuff! I keep telling myself I won't do it today, I'll be good and wait. Well, that works until sometime in the afternoon and I just go oh heck, I can't wait till tomorrow!!! And of course I keep getting disappointed because it really is too soon. I think I'm making it worse but I can't seem to help myself.
itmatsb responded:
It's funny that you should write this posting. I just erased what I had to tell you on another posting telling you that you sounded like you just had a chemical depression and not all the psychological baggage. And then I asked you if counseling had helped you--that I was interested to know. Then I deleted it thinking that it could be offensive to you.

I've never gotten anything from my various therapists through the years. Some of them had worse interactive problems than I had ever experienced in any of my friends.

I will tell you that I was severely depressed over a year ago over the very poor quality of my life. I've had 24/7 migraines, often severe (ER time) ever since my stroke 4 years ago. I had spent most of the time at my stepson's wedding in the hotel bed with a severe migraine that required the ER. This after we rented a private plane to get there to save me from the airlines. I had tried to work very part-time the 2 months before and had had severe migraines each time. I cried from beginning to end of my doctor's appointment telling her that absolutely no medicine could help me because it was all situational. I was nearly suicidal. My doctor told me later that she thought that the pain had finally gotten the best of me. And a certain percentage of those in chronic pain do commit suicide.

She recommended therapy, which I didn't have time to do because I had to visit my mother in hospice so much. She also recommended that I increase my anti-depressant which I did and 5 weeks later the depression was gone!!! I couldn't believe it and I still had the same terrible life!! Don't mistake, I sometimes get depressed, then my wonderful husband points out to me what I am able to do and how much better I've gotten from all my disabilities since my stroke.

So you may be the same way. Maybe you don't need therapy, If you are pregnant, that could change your mood significantly--probably for the better.

Do what you feel the need to do.

alaska_mommy replied to itmatsb's response:
Hi Sara, just wondering if you are new here or if I missed some posts from you in the past? If I did I'm very sorry. Being a mother of a toddler and fighting depression doesn't leave many functioning brain cells left over.

I think in some ways my depression is something that has been passed down to me from my dad for sure, possibly my mom too, either just from being raised with an Eeyore for a dad or from genetics. Add to that some long-standing poor financial situations, a miscarriage and a resulting spiritual crisis and that's why I'm having a "relapse" again. I can absolutely say my medication has made a big difference, I don't think I can say I'm 100% better, but it has made the difference between being able to get out and get exercise and being stuck at home, unable to do anything. It's definitely given me better quality of life.

I think if it weren't for the spiritual issues I'm having, I could be doing a lot better right now. So I'm getting counsel from my church in effort to try to figure everything out. It's been really hard emotionally dredging everything up. There's a reason I avoid thinking about that stuff! I've only been twice and part of me feels like I don't want to go anymore. But the other part says I at least need to give it a fair shot and not give up right away. I think this lady I'm seeing has some different ideas theologically from what I was raised with, so that's bugging me some. But, I dunno...I guess maybe it might help me. Hopefully it won't push me any further in the other direction.

I'm glad your meds really helped you so much! That's wonderful. I do wonder if I were to up my meds a bit more if I could get even better results. But at the same time, I am trying to get pregnant, and the lowest amount of medication I can get away with, the better in my opinion. I'm just hoping that the meds don't affect either my chances of getting pregnant or the health of the baby. But I do know that I would not be able to even attempt to get pregnant if not for the meds, not for a very long time. And I feel I really need to get pregnant to move forward (besides just absolutely wanting to get pregnant in the first place). I think it will be a healing thing. I hope. I hope I won't spend it all worrying that I'll lose the baby. But if I do, que sera...just have to do my best, I guess.

That's strange that the stroke caused you to have those debilitating migraines. I can't imagine! Have they given you any good medication to help abort them? Immitrex, or some sort of narcotics. I've heard sometimes straight oxygen can help some people. Do you get the neurological side-effects too, during the migraine? My hubby gets cluster headaches sometimes and there are times he can't even remember my name during an attack. Plus he gets the aura too.
Anyway, it's late so I'm rambling...thanks for the talk.

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