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The art of people pleasing
jazzyman456 posted:
I like the author below, was reared by a very dominant father. He made my mother's life miserable. I tried to dance as fast as I could to keep him happy. Most of the time, it was impossible, but at times something I did made him smile. That was the jack pot.
I have lived my entire life TRYING to please people. I have given away things to people, just because they liked it. I have done everything others have asked me to do, to the point of exhaustion only to have them find something wrong with what I did.
I have entertained people in a way that made them feel like my home was theres, only to have them reciprocate with barely a nod, let alone a conversation.
I have been dealt a big blow recently when my grandchildren were kept from me, only to show up in my town without a call. No one understands why that would upset me.
I have entertained a couple on our boat, listening to them tell me stories about where the rich live and what kind of things they own to my boredom, but when I began a story about something I found interesting, was met with a continual remark, "Is this going to be a long story?"
I have grown flat. I have no emotions left and feel very depressed.
My biggest character trait is my people pleasing one and it has failed me. I find myself quiet at get-togethers and don't even know how to organize a day anymore. I hate that I have spent my life trying to keep everyone happy. It depresses me that I didn't pursue my goals that I had all laid out, because it wasn't anyone else's.
So, if anyone reads this considers being a people pleaser, rethink it. It is a life of depression.
I have lived my entire life TRYING to please people. I have given away things to people, just because they liked it. I have done everything others have asked me to do, to the point of exhaustion only to have them find something wrong with what I did.
I have entertained people in a way that made them feel like my home was theres, only to have them reciprocate with barely a nod, let alone a conversation.
I have been dealt a big blow recently when my grandchildren were kept from me, only to show up in my town without a call. No one understands why that would upset me.
I have entertained a couple on our boat, listening to them tell me stories about where the rich live and what kind of things they own to my boredom, but when I began a story about something I found interesting, was met with a continual remark, "Is this going to be a long story?"
I have grown flat. I have no emotions left and feel very depressed.
My biggest character trait is my people pleasing one and it has failed me. I find myself quiet at get-togethers and don't even know how to organize a day anymore. I hate that I have spent my life trying to keep everyone happy. It depresses me that I didn't pursue my goals that I had all laid out, because it wasn't anyone else's.
So, if anyone reads this considers being a people pleaser, rethink it. It is a life of depression.
4 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:The art of people pleasingI like the author below, was reared by a very dominant father. He made my mother's life miserable. I tried to dance as fast as I could to keep him happy. Most of the time, it was impossible, but at times something I did made him smile. That was the jack pot. <br /><br />I have lived my entire life TRYING to please people. I have given away things to people, just because they liked it. I have done everything others have asked me to do, to the point of exhaustion only to have them find something wrong with what I did. <br /><br />I have entertained people in a way that made them feel like my home was theres, only to have them reciprocate with barely a nod, let alone a conversation. <br /><br />I have been dealt a big blow recently when my grandchildren were kept from me, only to show up in my town without a call. No one understands why that would upset me. <br /><br />I have entertained a couple on our boat, listening to them tell me stories about where the rich live and what kind of things they own to my boredom, but when I began a story about something I found interesting, was met with a continual remark, "Is this going to be a long story?"<br /><br />I have grown flat. I have no emotions left and feel very depressed. <br />My biggest character trait is my people pleasing one and it has failed me. I find myself quiet at get-togethers and don't even know how to organize a day anymore. I hate that I have spent my life trying to keep everyone happy. It depresses me that I didn't pursue my goals that I had all laid out, because it wasn't anyone else's. <br /><br />So, if anyone reads this considers being a people pleaser, rethink it. It is a life of depression.
Jeune1 responded:
This really hit home for me, thanks for posting this. I grew up connecting happy adults with adults that weren't yelling and possibly hitting. I LOVE to make people smile because it means they won't hurt me, right? Many people have told me I am TOO nice. I think I see what they mean, but I'm afraid that if I'm less nice, I'll become one of the adults who yell and hit.
The secret (I think) is finding the RIGHT people to please. Yes, there are a lot of people who will take advantage of the fact that you're nice. I'm still learning to spot those people early on and get away from them!
The secret (I think) is finding the RIGHT people to please. Yes, there are a lot of people who will take advantage of the fact that you're nice. I'm still learning to spot those people early on and get away from them!
Report This| Share this:The art of people pleasingThis really hit home for me, thanks for posting this. I grew up connecting happy adults with adults that weren't yelling and possibly hitting. I LOVE to make people smile because it means they won't hurt me, right? Many people have told me I am TOO nice. I think I see what they mean, but I'm afraid that if I'm less nice, I'll become one of the adults who yell and hit. <br /><br />The secret (I think) is finding the RIGHT people to please. Yes, there are a lot of people who will take advantage of the fact that you're nice. I'm still learning to spot those people early on and get away from them!
Anon_8427 responded:
I am also a people pleaser. What is worse I let them define if I am worth anything. It is a thankless life.
After 5 years of therapy I realize the best person to please is me. I say thank you. I am worth pleasing. I appreciate it.
Start trying to please you. It feels good. But do not think that this will be an easy change to make. It is not and everyone around you will all of a sudden think you are being selfish. That is ok. It is ok to be selfish when it comes to your happiness
After 5 years of therapy I realize the best person to please is me. I say thank you. I am worth pleasing. I appreciate it.
Start trying to please you. It feels good. But do not think that this will be an easy change to make. It is not and everyone around you will all of a sudden think you are being selfish. That is ok. It is ok to be selfish when it comes to your happiness
Report This| Share this:The art of people pleasingI am also a people pleaser. What is worse I let them define if I am worth anything. It is a thankless life. <br /><br />After 5 years of therapy I realize the best person to please is me. I say thank you. I am worth pleasing. I appreciate it.<br /><br />Start trying to please you. It feels good. But do not think that this will be an easy change to make. It is not and everyone around you will all of a sudden think you are being selfish. That is ok. It is ok to be selfish when it comes to your happiness
This is a great topic and all good comments. You and I and so many people are in this boat, and most don't realize it until they have suffered for decades. Anon gets it right, and it's a lesson I learned only with lots of time spent with a good therapist.
The RIGHT person to please is yourself. Why don't we do this? We learned a different way from our family. Our parents couldn't please themselves, didn't learn how from their experiences. It comes down to being taught to care for yourself in all ways and that takes teaching, practicing and learning for years.
When we tried to please or take care of others, we couldn't take care of ourselves. We had very low self-esteem- how can you like and respect yourself when you can't take care of yourself?
There are lots of reasons that we got this way, but the only thing that counts now is to learn to care for ourselves. Only then can we really help others and get what we need and want.
There is shame in therapy only when you need it and won't get it. You have to learn from someone. Accept that not getting help is just another example of not taking care of yourself because you don't know how. Then take the next step. Good luck!
Report This| Share this:The art of people pleasing<br />This is a great topic and all good comments. You and I and so many people are in this boat, and most don't realize it until they have suffered for decades. Anon gets it right, and it's a lesson I learned only with lots of time spent with a good therapist. <br /><br />The RIGHT person to please is yourself. Why don't we do this? We learned a different way from our family. Our parents couldn't please themselves, didn't learn how from their experiences. It comes down to being taught to care for yourself in all ways and that takes teaching, practicing and learning for years. <br /><br />When we tried to please or take care of others, we couldn't take care of ourselves. We had very low self-esteem- how can you like and respect yourself when you can't take care of yourself? <br /><br />There are lots of reasons that we got this way, but the only thing that counts now is to learn to care for ourselves. Only then can we really help others and get what we need and want. <br /><br />There is shame in therapy only when you need it and won't get it. You have to learn from someone. Accept that not getting help is just another example of not taking care of yourself because you don't know how. Then take the next step. Good luck!
peoplepleaser28 responded:
I realized there was such thing as being a people-pleaser recently. I have been one all my life but I didn't realize what it was. I am so intrigued by it and I don't want to be one anymore. I have made a community site so that we people-pleasers can help and support each other. check it out, need to get it started, I've written some articles and blogging my progress as I try to heal from being a people-pleaser. http://peoplepleaserrehab.com
Report This| Share this:The art of people pleasingI realized there was such thing as being a people-pleaser recently. I have been one all my life but I didn't realize what it was. I am so intrigued by it and I don't want to be one anymore. I have made a community site so that we people-pleasers can help and support each other. check it out, need to get it started, I've written some articles and blogging my progress as I try to heal from being a people-pleaser. <a href="http://peoplepleaserrehab.com">http://peoplepleaserrehab.com</a>
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