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DOWNFALL
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downfall posted:
Good Afternoon

Thanks to all of you on this depression community who have been so concerned, caring and supportive of me during my many crisis.

I am feeling better but for some reason I am down today and I dont know why

I am taking my Ativan and Prozac and they are definitely helping me but I just want to cry today and dont know why.

I guess that even though I am up and moving around and have more motivation and am eating better I still tend to dwell on the past though not as much and the bad job decision every once in a while and that is what is making me blue. As everyday I regret turning that job down to take the other even though I know that i am never going to get it back, I just gave up too much security, stability, paycheck benefits and this still does bother me greatly. if only I could go back in time and do it all over again , how different it would be

On the other hand I found a temporary job thru an agency at a hospital close to home
will be starting either next Thursday or the following Monday. Its only a temp job for 6 mths and the pay isnt too bad it is in Medical Records which for me is sort of boring but I really need to get out and work and bring in some extra money as it will be more than my unemployment, as my unemployment will go on hold and when this assignment is done I can start collecting it once again, I justwish that this would become a permanent position and not just be a temp assignment because I wont have any benefits .

Then when the assignment is done I will once again not have a job and will have to start all over again and dont know if I can face being home without a job.

I am however while working on this temporary assignment still continue to look for a permamanet job and see if there is any way I can interview for permanent positions maybe I can take some time off work to interview since I only get paid for the time that I do work.

My husband has to work tomorrow so I will be home alone but with the meds at least I wont be on the couch and will be able to function and do some work around the house.

I am going to see the psych on Monday again so she can see how i am doing, I really wish that I could keep her for my doctor but cant since she works for the county and not in private practice.

I have worked as a temp before but this is so difficult for me to do once again especially knowing that I gave up a permanent job.

I just hope that I am doing the right thing by taking the temp job as I feel that I should keep looking for a perm job and not work but I dont get many calls for interviews anyway and the other two jobs that I inquired about were both temp jobs as well

Maybe I will start to feel better about myself and forget the past once I start back to work, although having been out of work for several months its going to be hard to get back into the routine once again.

Sue
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alaska_mommy responded:
Sue,
I'm so glad you found a job! Don't feel bad that it's a temp job, I have had to do temp work for awhile too (back when I was working, that is). Sometimes it becomes permanent, other times not, but in the meantime, it's money, and some structure for your days, which I hope will help you a lot.
Don't feel bad or like there's something wrong if your'e feeling down today. Remember, with it being so recent that you started the Prozac, you probably aren't feeling the effects of it quite yet. So right now it's probably just the Ativan that is helping with the anxiety. Give it a little longer...another 3 weeks or so and you should start feeling the Prozac kick in too. In the meantime, I'm glad you'll be busy working and that you feel more able to get up and do things around the house. I bet your husband is so glad to see you feeling better.
 
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Chez1 responded:
hi sue, sorry i havent been around much for you lately i have simply been too focussed on me.
i really just want to say, way to go with the job. Yes its temporary, but its six months temporary salary thay a couple of days ago you did not have! Also, i believe that since your meds have changed you have become much brighter which has probably helped you get this position, so imagine a little while down the line, when you are earning and feeling better, there may be nothing stopping you.
Sue try and enjoy this news and celebrate the achievement tjat you have made.
hugs
chez x
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
 
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totalyfedup replied to Chez1's response:
Hi Sue, Congrats on getting a job, I am happy for you.You do seem to be more upbeat and that is nice to see.
I also take Ativan and Prozac, and a_m was right about the Prozac it does take a few weeks before you start to feel better. And the Ativan works right away, just want to let you know in my case the Ativan was getting to be habit forming, It might not be for you because everyone is different, just wanted to give you a heads up.
take care,

tfu
need support
 
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CMH7054 responded:
Sue, congratulations on getting the job! Any job , in these hard times, is a good thing. With therapy, your medications and a job...you have come a long way! Be nice to yourself this weekend and celebrate these positive steps to recovery. I'm very happy for you!
 
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susiemargaret responded:
hello, sue --

i know i have been out of commission for several days; it couldn't be helped. however, i have been following along and have indeed noticed that your spirits are better since you started seeing the psychiatrist and taking some meds.

i am so glad for you that you have a job! this will give you a more structured day, plus you'll be bringing in some money. i have never doubted that you would get something -- temporary or whatever -- because you have been invited to so many interviews. people see things in you that you do not see in yourself, and you need to trust that this is so.

now is not the time to stew about what will or won't happen in six months; that is a long way away. now is the time to focus on this work and to concentrate on doing it as well as you can. allow yourself a certain amt of time/day to look for a permanent job, but not while you are at this job during the day, no longer than 30-45 mins/day, and perhaps not even every day.

i hope that you and your husband, your daughter, your father, and your friend will take some time to celebrate this great development together. you have plenty of time in front of you to think about,"OK, what now?"

you should be very proud of yourself for not giving up. everyone here is thrilled for you!

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
 
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alaska_mommy replied to CMH7054's response:
Hey CMH...haven't seen you in a little while. How have you been?
 
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totalyfedup replied to alaska_mommy's response:
Hi CMH from me too, did you get the results from your blood work yet?

tfu
need support


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