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How do I get over my depression?
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Tyler444 posted:
My name is Tyler, I'm 22 and I live in northern California. My brother committed suicide on April 17th 2011, 17 days after his 16th birthday. I found him in his room with the gun and I have reoccurring visions of that picture all the time like I am living it over and over again. I have a good diet, and I exercise regularly but my depression does not seem like it will ever get better. It effects me in a lot of ways. I don't want to get up in the morning, I don't feel the need to get a job or go to school, I don't feel like meeting new people or even hanging out with most of my friends. My mom and dad have been divorced since I was 6. I don't know my mom very well and I feel like my dad hates me now. Also, my dad is very depressed too but he gets angry where I never get angry. I need help in every way. If anyone has any good tips to feel happy or a time machine, it would be greatly appreciated.
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sunflower62509 responded:
I know this is not the most original advice, but have you spoken to a professional? Your primary MD could point you in the right direction to getting some help fast. I'm very sorry about your brother, I can't imagine the pain that you must be going through. Maybe now is the time to reach out to your mom too.Obviously I don't know your situation but maybe you can build a relationship with her.And maybe if you get some therapy, you can ask your dad to come to some of your sessions. I think that with what happened, everyone would benefit from some professional help. I hoped this helped a little.And if you trip across that time machine, could you send it my way once your done??
 
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alaska_mommy replied to sunflower62509's response:
I second sunflower's advice, professional help would be the best here. You might be suffering from a little PTSD from the shock of finding your brother like that. I can't imagine how you must have felt (and still feel) about that, bad enough for him to die but for you to find him? I cannot even begin to imagine how that must be.
I think if your support group is not so great (as far as friends/family) then you need to reach out for help in other avenues, maybe you can find a support group for grieving or those whose lives have been touched by suicide? Journaling can be of some help too, to help you recognize what your deeper thoughts are and how they are affecting you. And just as a catharsis. I hope you can get some good help for where you're at right now, and take good care of yourself.
 
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Lis11 responded:
I third their opinions! What your going through is horrible and my heart goes out to you. Please stay strong and hopefully you can get the help you need sooner than later.

Take care of yourself!!
Lis
 
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gailzee responded:
I am so sorry for your loss....I can't imagine it, really. The sadness you must feel. Depression does not usually just go away. I don't know you, but I don't want you to hurt. As mentioned in the other replies you need to see someone....talking helps ALOT, and medicine can too. Never give up hope. When you are going thru hell, just keep going. You will need support though along the way. People, even strangers really care about you. Even me from across the country in New England.
 
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alaska_mommy responded:
Don't forget the Crisis Resources available to you--WebMD has a whole list if you click that link. Call anytime you feel desperate, feel like you're losing your grip, or just need to talk to someone.
 
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Tyler444 responded:
Thank you everyone for your support and advice. Getting "professional help" is really tricky for me. Its what my brother did and he took medication too so its hard for me to trust it. I know there is no on off switch for this kind of stuff, it doesnt just go away. So, Im just gunna keep facing rality and try to get a job and hopfully better my life some how.
 
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alaska_mommy replied to Tyler444's response:
Tyler,
I can see how you would be leery of getting help if your brother was already getting those things and yet still felt he needed to take his life.
I would say, make yourself a priority right now, your well-being, healing, and safety. If you feel yourself thinking dark thoughts or not coping, reach out. Tell someone you trust that you're having a rough time. Or if you aren't sure who you could talk to, call one of the crisis numbers. That way you have something to hang on to when life is trying to suffocate you.
It can help to get yourself to a better place as far as life circumstances, reducing stress, getting adequate sleep, and trying to get out and exercise if you can. Journaling, meditation, group therapy perhaps, anything that you want to try that you think might help. Just keep pursuing life--- someone else who posted in this room said they chose not to end their life, but always kept that option in their back pocket, so to speak. But instead of just choosing not to die, they wanted to know how to choose to live. I think that's a good start.
 
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Elizabeth_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi Tyler444 -

We are glad you found your way to WebMD, the first step in healing is talking and you have taken that step.

I can understand why professional help does sound tricky and you are reluctant. Do you think the grieving process and depression you are experiencing is different from what your brother was battling? It probably is and maybe (like others have mentioned) a support group would be a good place to start.

Check out this link, Suicide Survivors , to research more about the grieving process and find support groups.

Hope this is helpful,
Elizabeth
 
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Demons2011 responded:
Tyler, sorry I didn't have a chance to see this earlier.
1. There isn't anything but time to help with your brother. You are not responsible for his actions. You couldn't do anything to change his actions.
2. The five stages of death are real and very active right now for you. Let your self feel, experience and live each stage.
3. Your Dad doesn't hate you, every emotion you are feeling - he is feeling right now. In his case, it's compound because it's his child that died. He has to be feeling every guilt, anger, denial you're feeling. Just guessing but he is blaming himself for everything - no matter what. No matter what he says publicly. I watched my dad destroy himself for a long time. I don't think he ever came to peace with the accident that killed my brother.
Is your depression from your brothers choice or have you been this way for awhile?
 
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Tyler444 replied to Demons2011's response:
In the past, I have been depressed but just due to break ups or you know... teenage stuff, but I always got over it and bounced back. The way I feel now is because of what my brother did and has definitely changed my views on life.
 
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Demons2011 replied to Tyler444's response:
Tlyer444, there are 5 stages of grief that come with the loss of anyone you loved. Bargining Denial, Anger,Depression, Acceptance - . You really need to work through each. It doesn't take a way the sorrow of your loss, but it does help put the loss in perspective and allows you to move on. Also watch out for the holidays and special days. They can hit you hard.
 
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alaska_mommy replied to Demons2011's response:
Very true D, depression is one of those steps along the way in the path of grief. I know that I sure resented that being one of the steps...it's the one I wanted to get past as fast as possible. But of course you don't get to skip ahead with these things...you have to get through it one day at a time.
Tyler, I think Demons has hit the nail on the head...you are grieving. Maybe get some grief books from the library, look up articles about grieving online, and give yourself the time you need to grieve your brother properly.
<hugs>


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