Depression Community

I have a hard time doing that in general. In part because I have trust issues. In therapy I go through this thing where I worry about phrasing things exactly the right way and telling myself I'll sound silly and it doesn't help that I stutter sometimes. I also want to avoid talking about things that might make me cry and worry I'm boring my therapist. AND she sometimes looks a bit alarmed at the things I tell her so I think "Oh no, I'm upsetting her!" (But if she sat there without reacting, I'd think "Oh no, I'm boring her!")

Short answer: Yes! I know exactly what you mean.

Doctors encourage patients to write down their questions and concerns before a visit, so would that work? I started keeping a journal, just a little note pad I carry with me. I'll scribble things in there, which helps me remember and because I've been thinking about it, it makes it easier to say it.

Another thing that helps is writing about it here and reading things other people have said. Sometimes I'll read something and think Ah-ha! That's EXACTLY how I feel, but I would not have ever been able to phrase it so.

I hope you'll stay around. It is a great group.

I think you're very right, Jeune, sometimes it's hard to open up because you're not sure how you're going to be received.
An_246925, I wonder too if you have a similar problem as my husband, he has a hard time knowing how to say what is bothering him. He will say he doesn't want to do something/go somewhere or that something bothers him, and I'll ask why, and many times, he will say he can't explain it. Frustrates me a lot. But I think it has to do with his childhood, growing up he was discouraged at every turn from having an opinion about anything, and any ideas he had or any point of view that differed from his stepdad's was wrong. And he never had anyone who would listen to him or affirm him. So I think he learned over time that his feelings and opinions were worthless (even though that's not true), and he has suppressed them so much he can't quite figure out how he feels sometimes. Sometimes he will eventually figure it out or he will try to describe it and I'll understand. For example, he gets claustrophobic. He didn't know what it was called or what it was, he just knew he didn't like being in tightly-packed crowds of people. It even extends to our son, if our son is playing in a group of people and gets too close to someone else, my husband will feel claustrophobic just watching him.
Anyway, I think if you just keep trying to talk it out, trying to describe it, or write it down like Jeune was saying, I think eventually your doc will understand what you're talking about. You're welcome to bounce stuff off us here, too, and we can try to help make sense of it for you.

Hi an_246925, Wow I totally get it, I have the same problem, in my experiences with therapists and psychs.In my case I don't feel the trust issue either and the psych I have now I have never felt comfortable with her, the last time I went she basically told me that there was nothing more she could do for me. I feel very strongly about trying to find some one you can really depend on and not feel as if you are being a bother.I know I have held back so much about how I feel and I know I have to find someone I feel comfortable with to really get some things out in the open that I have been holding inside me for way to long.
You can also come here and chat all you want, I feel more comfortable here than any place else every one is so great and we are all in this together so we get each other.

tfu

I have started writing my feelings down just this past week. It helps me to feel more clear headed and not "forget" the many different feelings I have. Or at least I hope it will. I have trouble articulating how I feel,but then again feelings are hard to explain. I guess part of this is being embarrased by some of my feelings.

this is a great forum and I find it very helpful to feel not so alone, not so embarrased knowing that other people have similar feelings. Having people write to me has made me feel very good and hopeful. I hope I can help others also. So thank you very much for sharing your feelings and the very good advice!

chatting her is very good therapy. I mentioned last week to my therapist after a very emotional session I asked her if she thought she was helping me. Ihave been with her a long time. Of course the hour was up and she said she would like to talk about this next week, so maybe she is going to "dump" me as a patient. I told her I wanted her to keep helping me and I think i will be very sad if she thinks i should move on with another therapist. It's like I am a bad student and disappointing my teacher! After all, she tells me I should get out more, exercise, etc and I try,but nothing lasts for long. I imagine this must frustrate her. It does me too.

It was always difficult to talk about emotions with my family. We just didn't do it and on those occassions when we had to, it's was so uncomfortable and awkward. I don't think I ever learned the skill of articulating how I feel and being taken seriously ... besides the weird awkwardness I always feel.

Hi An_246925,
Just because your therapist put off talking about that till next week, doesn't mean she wants to dump you as a patient. I would guess that all that indicates is that she felt it would be a conversation that would take longer than just a minute or two and wanted more time to talk about it at length. And while she may experience some frustration that you may not do those things she suggested, it's her job to help you get to a place where you feel you can. I am sure you are not her very first depressed patient, so she is not unfamiliar with the way depression saps our strength to do those things.
That does make sense about why you find it hard to share your emotions. I would say the awkwardness you feel is basically a learned thing...it doesn't mean that you ARE awkward when you share, or that what you are sharing is an awkward subject to others, it just means that the awkwardness was what was modeled to you growing up, so you learned that to be emotional meant being awkward. (LOL---typing that word is awkward!)
So I hope that helps, just remember you feel that way because that's how you learned to feel. Not because that's how others see you. And maybe that will help you realize that it's ok to share, and that many people welcome the sharing of emotions, it helps us feel that we really know the other person if we feel they are sharing their emotions with us, and we feel that they are showing their heart to us and gives a sense of connectedness. So don't be afraid to show it, emotions are the common denominator between us all that makes us all human. It's something everyone has, and sharing it just brings us closer together.