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    Beating myself up
    Jeune1 posted:
    I forgot to mention it to my therapist earlier this week and my next appointment isn't until the end of the month: Recently I've been having these half-dreams (daydreams?) about being beat up, hung, stabbed. But this morning I realized the person attacking me is me. I don't know if I've come up with a new way to fight my Inner Critic or if my Inner Critic has found a new way to fight me. I just wondered if anyone else has these thoughts? I don't want any of this to happen and I don't find it as distressing as (for example) my Inner Critic's comments about my appearance. Does this make sense? Or are you all looking at me funny?
    alaska_mommy responded:
    Are your dreams while you're half asleep or do you mean things that your mind wanders to while you're awake? When you have them, does it elicit any emotions from you, good or bad? Might give you clues to who is getting attacked (whether that's you or your inner critic).
    I can't say I've had those thoughts before, but I do know that when I am stressed, it shows up in my dreams at night of me being chased by men with guns, or trying to escape from a concentration camp, or somehow in trouble with the law but innocent and running, always running. So I am familiar with crazy dreams! Hah!
    Jeune1 replied to alaska_mommy's response:
    Yes, it starts when I'm first waking up and continues throughout the day. I find it kind of scary and I don't like it when the "attack" comes with negative comments. But maybe that's because I don't know why I'm thinking these things. Is thinking about being attacked negative or positive or just a thought? No idea. I sure as heck don't want to be beat up.
    alaska_mommy replied to Jeune1's response:
    Hmm, is it like uncontrollable thoughts? Or you find your mind just wanders on its own to that thought? Or it pops in your head randomly through the day?
    I would definitely talk to your therapist about it, can you move your appointment up? Or do they take phone appointments?
    So many questions, so little time
    Thomas L Schwartz, MD responded:
    Hello- it seems like you see images, visions... Is it like seeing a TV screen where you are watching yourself? Sometimes these are hallucinations and part of depression and sometimes these are intrusive images or obsessions. Sometimes treatment is different, so alert your doc and let he/she tease out what they are an dhow to treat them
    Jeune1 replied to Thomas L Schwartz, MD's response:
    Oh, it is all in my head and I know it. It is just recent (past couple of weeks) and the thoughts have become more detailed and vivid and longer lasting. But so far once I'm fully awake and have started the day they don't come back until the next morning.

    But thanks for pointing out that depression can cause hallucinations. I'm not sure a lot of people are aware of that.

    A_M, thanks again for the good advice. I tried to get an appointment in but she's full up next week and going on vacation. BUT, if things start to feel too bad or strange, one of our neighbors is a psych nurse.
    alaska_mommy replied to Jeune1's response:
    Well that's good, Jeune. I mean about your neighbor. That way you have someone there if you needed them in a pinch!
    Don't you love the explanation for some things, "Oh, it's all in your head!" LOL! Well so are a lot of other things! Happiness, love, peace, joy, imagination, ingenuity, yeah they're all in your head too! It's a busy place!
    chez1 responded:
    Hey Jeune, this sounds just horrible, I hope you get your appt moved forward.
    Have you thought about noting down your thoughts, feelings when this is happening (well as soon as you can afterwards) to take with you to talk through.
    I know you have said its all in your head, but can I ask, does your inner critic got a voice, as in do you hear it????
    As a-mom says, isn't it amazing how busy our heads are!
    People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
    Demons2011 responded:
    Jeune1, can't comment on areas like this, don't know anything about these types of events. So far you seem like a nice person and caring about others., I hope you have called you primary doctor, I don't know if I would wait for your therapist/Psych to get back. I don't know if this type of dream is threatening or just frightening. Either way, I would get this in front of a professional.

    Lots of hugs coming your way.

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