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Mom/Depression/Add
An_246956 posted:
My husband and I have a 14 month old boy. After I became pregnant, we decided that I would quit work and become a stay at home mom and go back for another Bachelor's degree in Nursing (I already obtained a Bachelor's in Psychology).
As both sides of our child's grandparents are addicts, we have no mental support or even the luxury of having a babysitter here and there. We also don't have any close friends with small children so we are completely on our own. When my husband is at work, its just me and the baby, we have no family or friends that stop by or offer any support (which I understand as we all lead very busy lives).I also have depression, anxiety and adhd. So, it is extremely difficult for me to not have support, get up in the morning (I usually have my husband get up), organize meals, and do the household chores. So, naturally I feel like a failure as a mother. I also feel like with my depression and anxiety, I am not the "fun, goofy" mother to my child and don't have enough energy. But with experience as a juvenile delinquency probation officer, I know that I am a lot better mother than most children have! Anyway, as you could imagine, my husband gets very aggravated with me not getting up in the morning with our toddler (though, once I am up, I never leave his side until bed time unless my husband is around to help). So, we decided that I should try getting back on Adderall for ADHD. It definitely helps me get up in the morning, get more things done around the house, and with other issues. But, it also has its negative side effects. Also, I abused it in college so I feel guilty and worried about taking it. To get to the point, I need support from others, friends my age with children (but then comes in my anxiety issues with making new friends), help with depression and ADHD. I just feel like I am not a good enough mother and wife and do not want for my child to have the life I had growing up. My husband and I both wish we had a family around or close friends for support. We are great parents and are blessed to have such a wonderful, sweet baby boy. But, it's hard for us doing this on our own as most people have abundant family members and friends around. I feel like its especially hard for me considering my mental health issues and being a women in a southern town. Most of our friends before we had a child are very materialistic and are obsessed with society and "keeping up with the jones'" should I say. So, I also feel pressured to keep up with my husband's friends wive who seem to juggle everything perfectly (which I know what I see is different that what really goes on and after having a child, I really don't care about the things they do). So after my rant. I need advice! I have thought about going to counseling (if we can afford the money or time) or joining a different church. The church that we attend (when we actually do go) only has mass and doesn't offer any other sunday school classes, groups, etc.
As both sides of our child's grandparents are addicts, we have no mental support or even the luxury of having a babysitter here and there. We also don't have any close friends with small children so we are completely on our own. When my husband is at work, its just me and the baby, we have no family or friends that stop by or offer any support (which I understand as we all lead very busy lives).I also have depression, anxiety and adhd. So, it is extremely difficult for me to not have support, get up in the morning (I usually have my husband get up), organize meals, and do the household chores. So, naturally I feel like a failure as a mother. I also feel like with my depression and anxiety, I am not the "fun, goofy" mother to my child and don't have enough energy. But with experience as a juvenile delinquency probation officer, I know that I am a lot better mother than most children have! Anyway, as you could imagine, my husband gets very aggravated with me not getting up in the morning with our toddler (though, once I am up, I never leave his side until bed time unless my husband is around to help). So, we decided that I should try getting back on Adderall for ADHD. It definitely helps me get up in the morning, get more things done around the house, and with other issues. But, it also has its negative side effects. Also, I abused it in college so I feel guilty and worried about taking it. To get to the point, I need support from others, friends my age with children (but then comes in my anxiety issues with making new friends), help with depression and ADHD. I just feel like I am not a good enough mother and wife and do not want for my child to have the life I had growing up. My husband and I both wish we had a family around or close friends for support. We are great parents and are blessed to have such a wonderful, sweet baby boy. But, it's hard for us doing this on our own as most people have abundant family members and friends around. I feel like its especially hard for me considering my mental health issues and being a women in a southern town. Most of our friends before we had a child are very materialistic and are obsessed with society and "keeping up with the jones'" should I say. So, I also feel pressured to keep up with my husband's friends wive who seem to juggle everything perfectly (which I know what I see is different that what really goes on and after having a child, I really don't care about the things they do). So after my rant. I need advice! I have thought about going to counseling (if we can afford the money or time) or joining a different church. The church that we attend (when we actually do go) only has mass and doesn't offer any other sunday school classes, groups, etc.
9 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Mom/Depression/AddMy husband and I have a 14 month old boy. After I became pregnant, we decided that I would quit work and become a stay at home mom and go back for another Bachelor's degree in Nursing (I already obtained a Bachelor's in Psychology). <br /><br />As both sides of our child's grandparents are addicts, we have no mental support or even the luxury of having a babysitter here and there. We also don't have any close friends with small children so we are completely on our own. When my husband is at work, its just me and the baby, we have no family or friends that stop by or offer any support (which I understand as we all lead very busy lives).I also have depression, anxiety and adhd. So, it is extremely difficult for me to not have support, get up in the morning (I usually have my husband get up), organize meals, and do the household chores. So, naturally I feel like a failure as a mother. I also feel like with my depression and anxiety, I am not the "fun, goofy" mother to my child and don't have enough energy. But with experience as a juvenile delinquency probation officer, I know that I am a lot better mother than most children have! Anyway, as you could imagine, my husband gets very aggravated with me not getting up in the morning with our toddler (though, once I am up, I never leave his side until bed time unless my husband is around to help). So, we decided that I should try getting back on Adderall for ADHD. It definitely helps me get up in the morning, get more things done around the house, and with other issues. But, it also has its negative side effects. Also, I abused it in college so I feel guilty and worried about taking it. To get to the point, I need support from others, friends my age with children (but then comes in my anxiety issues with making new friends), help with depression and ADHD. I just feel like I am not a good enough mother and wife and do not want for my child to have the life I had growing up. My husband and I both wish we had a family around or close friends for support. We are great parents and are blessed to have such a wonderful, sweet baby boy. But, it's hard for us doing this on our own as most people have abundant family members and friends around. I feel like its especially hard for me considering my mental health issues and being a women in a southern town. Most of our friends before we had a child are very materialistic and are obsessed with society and "keeping up with the jones'" should I say. So, I also feel pressured to keep up with my husband's friends wive who seem to juggle everything perfectly (which I know what I see is different that what really goes on and after having a child, I really don't care about the things they do). So after my rant. I need advice! I have thought about going to counseling (if we can afford the money or time) or joining a different church. The church that we attend (when we actually do go) only has mass and doesn't offer any other sunday school classes, groups, etc.
Chez1 responded:
hi anon,
wow you have so much on your plate yet you are managing, i know you are just by the care and compassion you show for your child and husband as you write, so first things first, please be kind to yourself and give yourself praise for all you have achieved and continue to achieve.
No family support when you have a baby is very difficult, as you say friends without kids dont always understand the demands and changes in priorities, one small piece of advice i can give, you hold onto your non-materialistic principles, material belongings wont bring you life real joys.
Getting out and meetings others as you say is important, is thete any local toddler groups or as you say alternative churches to attend? I know with anxiety and depression it is very difficult to make that first step, but try and think about the potential benefits of meeting others. The first step to find out about local groups is to look on the internet, you may even find sites whete mums rate the groups so you can get an idea of how it is before you go.
Yoy mentioned counselling, talk therapy is beneficial, i am aware that others on this forum have accessed therapy through church, is this possible for you? There is also a list of resorces headed at the top of this forums discussions which are affordable, the list has been devised by a forum member.
Lastly, i just want to say welcome to the forum, keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.
wow you have so much on your plate yet you are managing, i know you are just by the care and compassion you show for your child and husband as you write, so first things first, please be kind to yourself and give yourself praise for all you have achieved and continue to achieve.
No family support when you have a baby is very difficult, as you say friends without kids dont always understand the demands and changes in priorities, one small piece of advice i can give, you hold onto your non-materialistic principles, material belongings wont bring you life real joys.
Getting out and meetings others as you say is important, is thete any local toddler groups or as you say alternative churches to attend? I know with anxiety and depression it is very difficult to make that first step, but try and think about the potential benefits of meeting others. The first step to find out about local groups is to look on the internet, you may even find sites whete mums rate the groups so you can get an idea of how it is before you go.
Yoy mentioned counselling, talk therapy is beneficial, i am aware that others on this forum have accessed therapy through church, is this possible for you? There is also a list of resorces headed at the top of this forums discussions which are affordable, the list has been devised by a forum member.
Lastly, i just want to say welcome to the forum, keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
Report This| Share this:Mom/Depression/Addhi anon, <br />wow you have so much on your plate yet you are managing, i know you are just by the care and compassion you show for your child and husband as you write, so first things first, please be kind to yourself and give yourself praise for all you have achieved and continue to achieve.<br />No family support when you have a baby is very difficult, as you say friends without kids dont always understand the demands and changes in priorities, one small piece of advice i can give, you hold onto your non-materialistic principles, material belongings wont bring you life real joys. <br />Getting out and meetings others as you say is important, is thete any local toddler groups or as you say alternative churches to attend? I know with anxiety and depression it is very difficult to make that first step, but try and think about the potential benefits of meeting others. The first step to find out about local groups is to look on the internet, you may even find sites whete mums rate the groups so you can get an idea of how it is before you go. <br />Yoy mentioned counselling, talk therapy is beneficial, i am aware that others on this forum have accessed therapy through church, is this possible for you? There is also a list of resorces headed at the top of this forums discussions which are affordable, the list has been devised by a forum member.<br />Lastly, i just want to say welcome to the forum, keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.
Demons2011 responded:
An_246956, no doubt you have a plate full. The raising of a child is the most difficult and rewarding tasks we face in life. We didn't have the family support either. Or those members we would trust with our children with, lived well out of state. It's doable. Just frustrating at times, especially with your daily self battles. The only things you have to be concerned with are: Is your child happy, has sufficient food, clothing and housing. Beyond that, it doesn't matter. The Jones be darned.
As always true, if your not meeting your needs at church find a new one. A lot of cities have multiple Catholic churches. Towns over 30,000 that is.
As always true, if your not meeting your needs at church find a new one. A lot of cities have multiple Catholic churches. Towns over 30,000 that is.
Report This| Share this:Mom/Depression/AddAn_246956, no doubt you have a plate full. The raising of a child is the most difficult and rewarding tasks we face in life. We didn't have the family support either. Or those members we would trust with our children with, lived well out of state. It's doable. Just frustrating at times, especially with your daily self battles. The only things you have to be concerned with are: Is your child happy, has sufficient food, clothing and housing. Beyond that, it doesn't matter. The Jones be darned. <br /><br /><br />As always true, if your not meeting your needs at church find a new one. A lot of cities have multiple Catholic churches. Towns over 30,000 that is.
alaska_mommy responded:
I really feel for ya, I am in sort of a similar situation. While I do have my family nearby, they are all busy with their lives so I don't really get a break. My son is 2 and a half years old. Sometimes mommyhood is enough to drive you insane, really. Hah. I have anxiety and depression issues as well. Definitely get some counseling if you can afford it, talk to your doctor. I'm on Wellbutrin currently, which is helping. Medication is not for everyone, but for sure reach out and make as many connections as you can. Look for a MOPS group nearby (Mothers Of Preschoolers), they are all over the nation. Definitely look for a church that meets your needs, finding small groups or mom groups would be really great. Something I do a lot of days is take my son to the mall to play in the play area, I get a break and get to just watch him interact with the other kids. Afterwards if we can afford it we'll get a bite to eat in the food court or go get ice cream. It's good for him, helps him sleep better at naptime and good for me to get the exercise (we walk to the mall, it's nearby and we only have one car which my husband takes to work). Getting out in the sun and fresh air does have some positive effects for my mood. It doesn't fix everything, but it helps. It also helps me feel like I've at least done something productive that day. Hope that helps, and good luck!
Report This| Share this:Mom/Depression/AddI really feel for ya, I am in sort of a similar situation. While I do have my family nearby, they are all busy with their lives so I don't really get a break. My son is 2 and a half years old. Sometimes mommyhood is enough to drive you insane, really. Hah. I have anxiety and depression issues as well. Definitely get some counseling if you can afford it, talk to your doctor. I'm on Wellbutrin currently, which is helping. Medication is not for everyone, but for sure reach out and make as many connections as you can. Look for a MOPS group nearby (Mothers Of Preschoolers), they are all over the nation. Definitely look for a church that meets your needs, finding small groups or mom groups would be really great. Something I do a lot of days is take my son to the mall to play in the play area, I get a break and get to just watch him interact with the other kids. Afterwards if we can afford it we'll get a bite to eat in the food court or go get ice cream. It's good for him, helps him sleep better at naptime and good for me to get the exercise (we walk to the mall, it's nearby and we only have one car which my husband takes to work). Getting out in the sun and fresh air does have some positive effects for my mood. It doesn't fix everything, but it helps. It also helps me feel like I've at least done something productive that day. Hope that helps, and good luck!
Southernmomm replied to alaska_mommy's response:
Thank y'all do much for the replies and advice.
Elizabeth_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hello and Welcome -
Please know I am not a doctor or health care professional, I am responding as a mom also with no family around, my parents passed away, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles do not live close.
My saving grace was going to the post-partum lunches offered at the hospital and meeting a group of girls I now consider family. I then got involved in a moms group - MOPS. Getting out of the house, socializing and networking with other moms with little ones was the best therapy for me. Having a meeting, appointment or play date made me get up and get out.
The MOPS group was not at the church we attended, we still went to Mass, but joined some small groups and attended other activities at the bigger church. I also volunteered at my daughter's preschool and now at her school when I am able.
Do you have any churches or preschools that offer a Moms Morning Out or moms group? Hope you can network and find and surround yourself with other moms of a good support group.
Elizabeth
Please know I am not a doctor or health care professional, I am responding as a mom also with no family around, my parents passed away, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles do not live close.
My saving grace was going to the post-partum lunches offered at the hospital and meeting a group of girls I now consider family. I then got involved in a moms group - MOPS. Getting out of the house, socializing and networking with other moms with little ones was the best therapy for me. Having a meeting, appointment or play date made me get up and get out.
The MOPS group was not at the church we attended, we still went to Mass, but joined some small groups and attended other activities at the bigger church. I also volunteered at my daughter's preschool and now at her school when I am able.
Do you have any churches or preschools that offer a Moms Morning Out or moms group? Hope you can network and find and surround yourself with other moms of a good support group.
Elizabeth
Report This| Share this:Mom/Depression/AddHello and Welcome - <br /><br />Please know I am not a doctor or health care professional, I am responding as a mom also with no family around, my parents passed away, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles do not live close. <br /><br />My saving grace was going to the post-partum lunches offered at the hospital and meeting a group of girls I now consider family. I then got involved in a moms group - MOPS. Getting out of the house, socializing and networking with other moms with little ones was the best therapy for me. Having a meeting, appointment or play date made me get up and get out.<br /><br />The MOPS group was not at the church we attended, we still went to Mass, but joined some small groups and attended other activities at the bigger church. I also volunteered at my daughter's preschool and now at her school when I am able.<br /><br />Do you have any churches or preschools that offer a Moms Morning Out or moms group? Hope you can network and find and surround yourself with other moms of a good support group.<br /><br />Elizabeth
gardensparrow responded:
Hi there~
Well, it seems like you've got a lot of good advice already, but I just wanted to hop on here and say I'll be praying for you! It definitely seems like you have a lot to deal with right now with the new baby and your health. And, it's completely understandable you had hoped for some more support during this time. So, I'd encourage you to follow through on some of your thoughts about getting some counseling or finding a church with more help available. Those are really great sources of encouragement and connection. You might also want to look into a support group in your area for new moms or women who struggle in similar areas. During my time working at Focus on the Family, I've even heard of an organization called Hearts at Home that ministers to moms and seeks to connect them with other mothers in their area. So, you might want to check out their website and see if that might be helpful. Just a thought! Well, hang in there-I hope you find lots of support soon!
Well, it seems like you've got a lot of good advice already, but I just wanted to hop on here and say I'll be praying for you! It definitely seems like you have a lot to deal with right now with the new baby and your health. And, it's completely understandable you had hoped for some more support during this time. So, I'd encourage you to follow through on some of your thoughts about getting some counseling or finding a church with more help available. Those are really great sources of encouragement and connection. You might also want to look into a support group in your area for new moms or women who struggle in similar areas. During my time working at Focus on the Family, I've even heard of an organization called Hearts at Home that ministers to moms and seeks to connect them with other mothers in their area. So, you might want to check out their website and see if that might be helpful. Just a thought! Well, hang in there-I hope you find lots of support soon!
Report This| Share this:Mom/Depression/AddHi there~<br />Well, it seems like you've got a lot of good advice already, but I just wanted to hop on here and say I'll be praying for you! It definitely seems like you have a lot to deal with right now with the new baby and your health. And, it's completely understandable you had hoped for some more support during this time. So, I'd encourage you to follow through on some of your thoughts about getting some counseling or finding a church with more help available. Those are really great sources of encouragement and connection. You might also want to look into a support group in your area for new moms or women who struggle in similar areas. During my time working at Focus on the Family, I've even heard of an organization called Hearts at Home that ministers to moms and seeks to connect them with other mothers in their area. So, you might want to check out their website and see if that might be helpful. Just a thought! Well, hang in there-I hope you find lots of support soon!
alaska_mommy replied to Southernmomm's response:
How are you doing, southernmomm?
Southernmomm replied to alaska_mommy's response:
Better. Trying to manage ADHD meds and decide if I should stay on them while in nursing school, considering the side effects, but I guess the benefits outweigh the side effects. It just worries me as I don't want to become dependent on them. My parents are addicts so I feel guilty for taking them. Although, I'm not an addict, I have a hard trouble with school work without the medicine which concerns me as I do not want to become dependent on the meds. Also, for many reasons my husband says he supports me going to nursing instead of master's in counseling psychology although I already have a bachelor's degree in psychogy, or going back to work in my previous field. But, he tends to get agitated when I have to do school work or study for very intense nursing classes. So I have to go through his frustrations and making me feel guilty before i can study. Also he works from home a lot so and wants to keep our child out of daycare when he's home which defeats the purpose of our child being in daycare-- so I can study all day. But when he keeps him
home he expects me to stick around and take care of him when I should be studying.
He is a morning person, and I'm not as I stay up late, so he gets up with our 18 month a lot (baby wakes up at 5 am)as I have anxiety about not getting enough sleep to be able to function well and be a good mother, wife,and student. I feel that having depression and anxiety I need more sleep.... Of course my husband likes getting up but still makes me feel guilty for not getting up in the mornings, although i still feed my son through the night, and take care of him when he is not in daycare and on weekends, and of course my favorite time- rocking, reading to him and pitting him down at night. Anyway we are slowly getting better.... I find I still need to see about getting counseling ...
He is a morning person, and I'm not as I stay up late, so he gets up with our 18 month a lot (baby wakes up at 5 am)as I have anxiety about not getting enough sleep to be able to function well and be a good mother, wife,and student. I feel that having depression and anxiety I need more sleep.... Of course my husband likes getting up but still makes me feel guilty for not getting up in the mornings, although i still feed my son through the night, and take care of him when he is not in daycare and on weekends, and of course my favorite time- rocking, reading to him and pitting him down at night. Anyway we are slowly getting better.... I find I still need to see about getting counseling ...
Report This| Share this:Mom/Depression/AddBetter. Trying to manage ADHD meds and decide if I should stay on them while in nursing school, considering the side effects, but I guess the benefits outweigh the side effects. It just worries me as I don't want to become dependent on them. My parents are addicts so I feel guilty for taking them. Although, I'm not an addict, I have a hard trouble with school work without the medicine which concerns me as I do not want to become dependent on the meds. Also, for many reasons my husband says he supports me going to nursing instead of master's in counseling psychology although I already have a bachelor's degree in psychogy, or going back to work in my previous field. But, he tends to get agitated when I have to do school work or study for very intense nursing classes. So I have to go through his frustrations and making me feel guilty before i can study. Also he works from home a lot so and wants to keep our child out of daycare when he's home which defeats the purpose of our child being in daycare-- so I can study all day. But when he keeps him
home he expects me to stick around and take care of him when I should be studying. <br><br>He is a morning person, and I'm not as I stay up late, so he gets up with our 18 month a lot (baby wakes up at 5 am)as I have anxiety about not getting enough sleep to be able to function well and be a good mother, wife,and student. I feel that having depression and anxiety I need more sleep.... Of course my husband likes getting up but still makes me feel guilty for not getting up in the mornings, although i still feed my son through the night, and take care of him when he is not in daycare and on weekends, and of course my favorite time- rocking, reading to him and pitting him down at night. Anyway we are slowly getting better.... I find I still need to see about getting counseling ...
Southernmomm replied to Southernmomm's response:
Correction... Since I already have a bachelor's degree...
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