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New Member (In need of guidence)
BlndBeauty posted:
Hello Everyone!
I wanted to start off by saying that I have read many of your posts this evening and I have to say that I can relate to so many of you. I am not sure where my life is going, and or if I am going to find the right place to stop and think that it can only get better.
At this time, I have found myself trying to find new ways to deal with my depression, and what actions I can take to show my friends, family and of corse myself that changes are going on, and will continue to improve as I seek guidence, and help from other support teams, and members of my local group. I just can not find the answers that they want, or even where to start when they ask me questions.
Here is where I really need some help. I live about 2 hours from my family and when I told them that I was seeking therapy, and going to a group twice a week, and currently on medication for Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, and PTSD they told me that it was all in my head and I was being STUPID for even trying to see someone. My fathers exact words were, "you are being selfish, stupid, and immature about this." He feels that I am not in need of help it is just another way for me to seek attention.
I have spoken to friends, and my support group and all of them have said that they would not believe that a father would speak to their child like he did but, than as my father and living with him for 18 years they really did not understand just how old fashioned he was so to speak. He belived in severe disaplin, he did not allow late nights, or going out after school, or even joining groups at the school to meet more people, and find new friends. My father was very strict and if we were out of line he made sure that we found it quickly.
I guess I just dont know how to help my parents understand that this is not me seeking attention, this is me looking for help so I can be who I once was. Happy, excited about life, and just living the life that I always wanted. Instead I am stuck with not being able to work because my mental health is not stable, and I still have fears of being on the outside of my appartment. I really only have one good female friend, and then I have my husband of 15 years.
My husband is being supportive and making sure that I take my medications, and even makes sure that I make it to all of my appointments so I can get better. Yet, why does he understand, and still my parents, and sister can not see that I need the help that I am looking for.
I really appreciate anyone who reads this, and offers any suggestions.
I wanted to start off by saying that I have read many of your posts this evening and I have to say that I can relate to so many of you. I am not sure where my life is going, and or if I am going to find the right place to stop and think that it can only get better.
At this time, I have found myself trying to find new ways to deal with my depression, and what actions I can take to show my friends, family and of corse myself that changes are going on, and will continue to improve as I seek guidence, and help from other support teams, and members of my local group. I just can not find the answers that they want, or even where to start when they ask me questions.
Here is where I really need some help. I live about 2 hours from my family and when I told them that I was seeking therapy, and going to a group twice a week, and currently on medication for Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, and PTSD they told me that it was all in my head and I was being STUPID for even trying to see someone. My fathers exact words were, "you are being selfish, stupid, and immature about this." He feels that I am not in need of help it is just another way for me to seek attention.
I have spoken to friends, and my support group and all of them have said that they would not believe that a father would speak to their child like he did but, than as my father and living with him for 18 years they really did not understand just how old fashioned he was so to speak. He belived in severe disaplin, he did not allow late nights, or going out after school, or even joining groups at the school to meet more people, and find new friends. My father was very strict and if we were out of line he made sure that we found it quickly.
I guess I just dont know how to help my parents understand that this is not me seeking attention, this is me looking for help so I can be who I once was. Happy, excited about life, and just living the life that I always wanted. Instead I am stuck with not being able to work because my mental health is not stable, and I still have fears of being on the outside of my appartment. I really only have one good female friend, and then I have my husband of 15 years.
My husband is being supportive and making sure that I take my medications, and even makes sure that I make it to all of my appointments so I can get better. Yet, why does he understand, and still my parents, and sister can not see that I need the help that I am looking for.
I really appreciate anyone who reads this, and offers any suggestions.
BlndBeauty (Minnesota)
11 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:New Member (In need of guidence)Hello Everyone!<br /> <br />I wanted to start off by saying that I have read many of your posts this evening and I have to say that I can relate to so many of you. I am not sure where my life is going, and or if I am going to find the right place to stop and think that it can only get better.<br /> <br />At this time, I have found myself trying to find new ways to deal with my depression, and what actions I can take to show my friends, family and of corse myself that changes are going on, and will continue to improve as I seek guidence, and help from other support teams, and members of my local group. I just can not find the answers that they want, or even where to start when they ask me questions.<br /> <br />Here is where I really need some help. I live about 2 hours from my family and when I told them that I was seeking therapy, and going to a group twice a week, and currently on medication for Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, and PTSD they told me that it was all in my head and I was being STUPID for even trying to see someone. My fathers exact words were, "you are being selfish, stupid, and immature about this." He feels that I am not in need of help it is just another way for me to seek attention.<br /> <br />I have spoken to friends, and my support group and all of them have said that they would not believe that a father would speak to their child like he did but, than as my father and living with him for 18 years they really did not understand just how old fashioned he was so to speak. He belived in severe disaplin, he did not allow late nights, or going out after school, or even joining groups at the school to meet more people, and find new friends. My father was very strict and if we were out of line he made sure that we found it quickly.<br /> <br />I guess I just dont know how to help my parents understand that this is not me seeking attention, this is me looking for help so I can be who I once was. Happy, excited about life, and just living the life that I always wanted. Instead I am stuck with not being able to work because my mental health is not stable, and I still have fears of being on the outside of my appartment. I really only have one good female friend, and then I have my husband of 15 years. <br /> <br />My husband is being supportive and making sure that I take my medications, and even makes sure that I make it to all of my appointments so I can get better. Yet, why does he understand, and still my parents, and sister can not see that I need the help that I am looking for. <br /> <br />I really appreciate anyone who reads this, and offers any suggestions.
tryingtohideit responded:
Hi! I am glad you chose to seak out help. I myself am a new member. My grandma and I were talking about this earlier today while sitting at her house. I had told her that at my doc appointment tomorrow that I was goin to talk to the doctor about starting a antidepressant again. We talked for a while about that and then I told her that I had joined this group and how the wonderful people here have helped me alot and how nice it was to talk to someone who knows or has gone through the same things as I have. My Aunt which would be her brothers wife had told her that she actually thought my grandma was crazy(which in all honesty she kinda is) but what my aunt was talking about was the depression. And until she had gone through it about a year later for an entire year she didnt understand the full affects of depression. And she had finally admitted this to my grandma not long ago. So what I am trying to say is maybe its a thing of they dont understand having never gone through it themselves. My dad is the same way. Mental disorders such as depression, anxiety and a few others does run in my family and it seems for some reason to stick with the females. So my mom has depression i suffer from it along with extreme anxiety attacks. My dad doesnt understand either why my mom or myself might sleep al day or not want to talk or might not take showers every single day or why we cry or why we get so angry and frustrated so quickly about things. Therefor he thinks it our way or getting back at him or its just us being lazy. So in other words after typing this huge long reply. I understand what you are going through to a degree. And it sucks i completely understand. But They will probably never understand unless it happends to them. I always pray to god my dad or my siblings never have to understand. Maybe think of it like that. Pray that they never have to understand what you are talking about or how you are feeling because you do know how bad it is.
Hope this might help you!
Hope this might help you!
Report This| Share this:New Member (In need of guidence)Hi! I am glad you chose to seak out help. I myself am a new member. My grandma and I were talking about this earlier today while sitting at her house. I had told her that at my doc appointment tomorrow that I was goin to talk to the doctor about starting a antidepressant again. We talked for a while about that and then I told her that I had joined this group and how the wonderful people here have helped me alot and how nice it was to talk to someone who knows or has gone through the same things as I have. My Aunt which would be her brothers wife had told her that she actually thought my grandma was crazy(which in all honesty she kinda is) but what my aunt was talking about was the depression. And until she had gone through it about a year later for an entire year she didnt understand the full affects of depression. And she had finally admitted this to my grandma not long ago. So what I am trying to say is maybe its a thing of they dont understand having never gone through it themselves. My dad is the same way. Mental disorders such as depression, anxiety and a few others does run in my family and it seems for some reason to stick with the females. So my mom has depression i suffer from it along with extreme anxiety attacks. My dad doesnt understand either why my mom or myself might sleep al day or not want to talk or might not take showers every single day or why we cry or why we get so angry and frustrated so quickly about things. Therefor he thinks it our way or getting back at him or its just us being lazy. So in other words after typing this huge long reply. I understand what you are going through to a degree. And it sucks i completely understand. But They will probably never understand unless it happends to them. I always pray to god my dad or my siblings never have to understand. Maybe think of it like that. Pray that they never have to understand what you are talking about or how you are feeling because you do know how bad it is. <br /> <br />Hope this might help you!
BeHapppy118 responded:
Hello! I'm glad you are here.
I know what you are going through. It's the same with my family. They don't understand fully what we go through and it is hard on us, it really is. They can't understand because they haven't been through it themselves. I'm afraid to say, there may not be a way to make them understand.
I agree with tryingtohideit's response. While I may be going through it, I wouldn't want anyone else to go through it. She brought up a good point to think of it that way. It's not there fault but what can we do? You know how you are feeling, do what you have to do to make yourself feel better.
Someone here said that we are a lot stronger because of what we go through. We put in more effort just to do the little things. I thought that was very helpful and it's good to think of it this way. You are not any of those things your father says you are, if anything, you are stronger than that!
I hope you feel better about it posting here.
I know what you are going through. It's the same with my family. They don't understand fully what we go through and it is hard on us, it really is. They can't understand because they haven't been through it themselves. I'm afraid to say, there may not be a way to make them understand.
I agree with tryingtohideit's response. While I may be going through it, I wouldn't want anyone else to go through it. She brought up a good point to think of it that way. It's not there fault but what can we do? You know how you are feeling, do what you have to do to make yourself feel better.
Someone here said that we are a lot stronger because of what we go through. We put in more effort just to do the little things. I thought that was very helpful and it's good to think of it this way. You are not any of those things your father says you are, if anything, you are stronger than that!
I hope you feel better about it posting here.
So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.
- Stephen Chbosky
- Stephen Chbosky
Report This| Share this:New Member (In need of guidence)Hello! I'm glad you are here. <br /> <br />I know what you are going through. It's the same with my family. They don't understand fully what we go through and it is hard on us, it really is. They can't understand because they haven't been through it themselves. I'm afraid to say, there may not be a way to make them understand. <br /> <br />I agree with tryingtohideit's response. While I may be going through it, I wouldn't want anyone else to go through it. She brought up a good point to think of it that way. It's not there fault but what can we do? You know how you are feeling, do what you have to do to make yourself feel better. <br /> <br />Someone here said that we are a lot stronger because of what we go through. We put in more effort just to do the little things. I thought that was very helpful and it's good to think of it this way. You are not any of those things your father says you are, if anything, you are stronger than that! <br /> <br />I hope you feel better about it posting here.
Chez1 responded:
Hi Bindbeauty
Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it helpful. Everyone here understands depression and are happy to share experiences. I know I find comfort in knowing that others have the same/similar experiences as me.
I understand it is difficult for family and friends to understand depression, infact in all honesty, I do not believe anyone really understands it unless they have had personal experience, either themselves or someone very close that they have to help through.
I am sorry that your family have not been supportive to you at this time, I wonder if it is worth you looking for resources for them to look at such as books, leaflets, online which are aimed at family of people who suffer from depression. I think it is important to keep in mind that you can not make them understand and that it is not your responsibility to make it happen but it is ok for you to try.
Again welcome and keep posting
Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it helpful. Everyone here understands depression and are happy to share experiences. I know I find comfort in knowing that others have the same/similar experiences as me.
I understand it is difficult for family and friends to understand depression, infact in all honesty, I do not believe anyone really understands it unless they have had personal experience, either themselves or someone very close that they have to help through.
I am sorry that your family have not been supportive to you at this time, I wonder if it is worth you looking for resources for them to look at such as books, leaflets, online which are aimed at family of people who suffer from depression. I think it is important to keep in mind that you can not make them understand and that it is not your responsibility to make it happen but it is ok for you to try.
Again welcome and keep posting
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
Report This| Share this:New Member (In need of guidence)Hi Bindbeauty<br />Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it helpful. Everyone here understands depression and are happy to share experiences. I know I find comfort in knowing that others have the same/similar experiences as me. <br />I understand it is difficult for family and friends to understand depression, infact in all honesty, I do not believe anyone really understands it unless they have had personal experience, either themselves or someone very close that they have to help through. <br />I am sorry that your family have not been supportive to you at this time, I wonder if it is worth you looking for resources for them to look at such as books, leaflets, online which are aimed at family of people who suffer from depression. I think it is important to keep in mind that you can not make them understand and that it is not your responsibility to make it happen but it is ok for you to try. <br />Again welcome and keep posting
totalyfedup responded:
Hi BB, Welcome, First of all I would like to say it is not all in your head, I have been told that many times over the years too. And they have know idea what we are going through and sad but true some people really believe that. And in my experiences trying to tell family and friends about what is going on with me, they don't want to hear about it and help and support me as I say they just bailed out of my life.
And I understand a little about what you were saying about your Father, mine was a little bit the same and a alcoholic.
I have done all the group things to and tried many different meds.
I am glad to hear that your husband is supportive of you and you are taking steps to help yourself and get your life back.
This is a great place to get advice and spill your guts if you want and nobody judges you,because we are all going through the same thing.
Keep on posting.
tfu
And I understand a little about what you were saying about your Father, mine was a little bit the same and a alcoholic.
I have done all the group things to and tried many different meds.
I am glad to hear that your husband is supportive of you and you are taking steps to help yourself and get your life back.
This is a great place to get advice and spill your guts if you want and nobody judges you,because we are all going through the same thing.
Keep on posting.
tfu
need support
Report This| Share this:New Member (In need of guidence)Hi BB, Welcome, First of all I would like to say it is not all in your head, I have been told that many times over the years too. And they have know idea what we are going through and sad but true some people really believe that. And in my experiences trying to tell family and friends about what is going on with me, they don't want to hear about it and help and support me as I say they just bailed out of my life.<br />And I understand a little about what you were saying about your Father, mine was a little bit the same and a alcoholic.<br />I have done all the group things to and tried many different meds.<br />I am glad to hear that your husband is supportive of you and you are taking steps to help yourself and get your life back.<br />This is a great place to get advice and spill your guts if you want and nobody judges you,because we are all going through the same thing.<br />Keep on posting.<br /> <br />tfu
BlndBeauty replied to tryingtohideit's response:
Thank You Tryingtohideit...
You have helped. I am seeing it in a different way now. Knowing that they do not understand it is because they have not been through it, or so they claim. However, you are correct as well. I truly do not want to see them going through what I am at this time. With my physical, and now mental health I am up to 17 percriptions a day, and I am only 34 years old. It is hard for me to understand why but, as my group discussed today it is not always why or how, but what we need to look at is what is in front of us, and what we can change to make things better.
You have helped. I am seeing it in a different way now. Knowing that they do not understand it is because they have not been through it, or so they claim. However, you are correct as well. I truly do not want to see them going through what I am at this time. With my physical, and now mental health I am up to 17 percriptions a day, and I am only 34 years old. It is hard for me to understand why but, as my group discussed today it is not always why or how, but what we need to look at is what is in front of us, and what we can change to make things better.
BlndBeauty (Minnesota)
Report This| Share this:New Member (In need of guidence)Thank You Tryingtohideit...<br /> <br />You have helped. I am seeing it in a different way now. Knowing that they do not understand it is because they have not been through it, or so they claim. However, you are correct as well. I truly do not want to see them going through what I am at this time. With my physical, and now mental health I am up to 17 percriptions a day, and I am only 34 years old. It is hard for me to understand why but, as my group discussed today it is not always why or how, but what we need to look at is what is in front of us, and what we can change to make things better.
BlndBeauty replied to BeHapppy118's response:
Hey BeHapppy118...
I have to say latly I have found it harder and harder to do the small things yet, I always seem to complete the weekly goals that I set for myself in my IRL Group. We do so much to help support eachother but, with very few of us there it is harder to see more experiences, and that is why I am here. I want to hear from other that are going through this, and try to find new ways to deal with the day to day stresses, and anxiety.
This may sound weird but, I am truly greatful that you also mentioned that I am not what my father claims me to be. I am an individual that just needs some extra guidence to get through the difficult parts of my life right now. I think that as my group also told me today... We need to stop letting our parents control us at our age. If they dont understand be respectful and listen to them but, it does not mean that we have to keep it inside...Just let it go!
I have to say latly I have found it harder and harder to do the small things yet, I always seem to complete the weekly goals that I set for myself in my IRL Group. We do so much to help support eachother but, with very few of us there it is harder to see more experiences, and that is why I am here. I want to hear from other that are going through this, and try to find new ways to deal with the day to day stresses, and anxiety.
This may sound weird but, I am truly greatful that you also mentioned that I am not what my father claims me to be. I am an individual that just needs some extra guidence to get through the difficult parts of my life right now. I think that as my group also told me today... We need to stop letting our parents control us at our age. If they dont understand be respectful and listen to them but, it does not mean that we have to keep it inside...Just let it go!
BlndBeauty (Minnesota)
Report This| Share this:New Member (In need of guidence)Hey BeHapppy118...<br /> <br />I have to say latly I have found it harder and harder to do the small things yet, I always seem to complete the weekly goals that I set for myself in my IRL Group. We do so much to help support eachother but, with very few of us there it is harder to see more experiences, and that is why I am here. I want to hear from other that are going through this, and try to find new ways to deal with the day to day stresses, and anxiety.<br /> <br />This may sound weird but, I am truly greatful that you also mentioned that I am not what my father claims me to be. I am an individual that just needs some extra guidence to get through the difficult parts of my life right now. I think that as my group also told me today... We need to stop letting our parents control us at our age. If they dont understand be respectful and listen to them but, it does not mean that we have to keep it inside...Just let it go!
BlndBeauty replied to Chez1's response:
Thank You Chez1...
I wanted to say great idea...I was told by several of my support memebers that are in my community to do the same thing. When my parents came to visit me for my birthday this summer I did show them several things to help them understand but, even though it was my birthday my father said that it was just a way to make them feel worse about coming to see me.
I guess at that point I really have not tried much more to push them to understand, and or see what is going on with me. Maybe one day they will see the changes, and understand that there was something going on and I got the help that they said I never needed. I really think that looking at the other side of things just might be my answer this time.
I wanted to say great idea...I was told by several of my support memebers that are in my community to do the same thing. When my parents came to visit me for my birthday this summer I did show them several things to help them understand but, even though it was my birthday my father said that it was just a way to make them feel worse about coming to see me.
I guess at that point I really have not tried much more to push them to understand, and or see what is going on with me. Maybe one day they will see the changes, and understand that there was something going on and I got the help that they said I never needed. I really think that looking at the other side of things just might be my answer this time.
BlndBeauty (Minnesota)
Report This| Share this:New Member (In need of guidence)Thank You Chez1...<br /> <br />I wanted to say great idea...I was told by several of my support memebers that are in my community to do the same thing. When my parents came to visit me for my birthday this summer I did show them several things to help them understand but, even though it was my birthday my father said that it was just a way to make them feel worse about coming to see me. <br /> <br />I guess at that point I really have not tried much more to push them to understand, and or see what is going on with me. Maybe one day they will see the changes, and understand that there was something going on and I got the help that they said I never needed. I really think that looking at the other side of things just might be my answer this time.
BlndBeauty replied to totalyfedup's response:
Totalyfedup...
Thank you so much for the incurragement to keep going in the direction that I am. I am also sorry to hear that so many of us have gone through the same thing with our parents. It is just so hard to see that they never went through it, and or learned about like we did as children.
I guess for me the fact remains that I did seek help after my husband and I were falling apart, and I knew that if I did not do something about it, I would loose him. After 15 years I am just not ready to do that.
Thank you so much for the incurragement to keep going in the direction that I am. I am also sorry to hear that so many of us have gone through the same thing with our parents. It is just so hard to see that they never went through it, and or learned about like we did as children.
I guess for me the fact remains that I did seek help after my husband and I were falling apart, and I knew that if I did not do something about it, I would loose him. After 15 years I am just not ready to do that.
BlndBeauty (Minnesota)
Report This| Share this:New Member (In need of guidence)Totalyfedup...<br /> <br />Thank you so much for the incurragement to keep going in the direction that I am. I am also sorry to hear that so many of us have gone through the same thing with our parents. It is just so hard to see that they never went through it, and or learned about like we did as children. <br /> <br />I guess for me the fact remains that I did seek help after my husband and I were falling apart, and I knew that if I did not do something about it, I would loose him. After 15 years I am just not ready to do that.
tryingtohideit replied to BlndBeauty's response:
Exactly right! I am glad I was able to help you look at it in a different way. Prespective prespective prespective it is what my mom always told me. Look at it in every angle and from everyones view point. It helps me alot sometimes when I am having a hard day or ya know anything else in life. Yes i understnad I am 19 and I think I could make my own pharmacy now lol. It sucks!
Report This| Share this:New Member (In need of guidence)Exactly right! I am glad I was able to help you look at it in a different way. Prespective prespective prespective it is what my mom always told me. Look at it in every angle and from everyones view point. It helps me alot sometimes when I am having a hard day or ya know anything else in life. Yes i understnad I am 19 and I think I could make my own pharmacy now lol. It sucks!
BlndBeauty replied to tryingtohideit's response:
Wow,
I never would of guessed someone at your age could answer me like that...LOL! I am truly thankful to everyone here, and I am glad that WebMD is where I started.
I never would of guessed someone at your age could answer me like that...LOL! I am truly thankful to everyone here, and I am glad that WebMD is where I started.
BlndBeauty (Minnesota)
Report This| Share this:New Member (In need of guidence)Wow, <br /> <br />I never would of guessed someone at your age could answer me like that...LOL! I am truly thankful to everyone here, and I am glad that WebMD is where I started.
tryingtohideit replied to BlndBeauty's response:
Weirdly enough I get told that alot. Most people think I am older than what I actually am. I never really got to be a kid I had to grow up fast due to family problems. So I learned things real fast and am actually trying to learn how to be a kid. Which is much harder than I ever expected. Me too. The people on here are wonderful! They have all been in similar situations so its easy to talk and not be judged and find great ways to cope talk it through with someone who already has and go through it with others! This is a wonderful place!
Report This| Share this:New Member (In need of guidence)Weirdly enough I get told that alot. Most people think I am older than what I actually am. I never really got to be a kid I had to grow up fast due to family problems. So I learned things real fast and am actually trying to learn how to be a kid. Which is much harder than I ever expected. Me too. The people on here are wonderful! They have all been in similar situations so its easy to talk and not be judged and find great ways to cope talk it through with someone who already has and go through it with others! This is a wonderful place!
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