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    I give up
    deasertrose posted:
    I give up. I've been trying to get in touch with another study for depression. Well I called one number they gave me another. Then i called that number and the gave me another one so I called that one and it sounded like someone picked up the phone then hung up. I just can't fight this any more. I have gained 18 pounds from the abilify. My pdoc decreased it to 10mg a day. I don't know how that will help. I'm so sad. I can't stay on track. I'm slowly dying so why not just do it. I want help but I'm just to tired to care any more. thank you everyone for careing but I just can't livee like this any more.
    alaska_mommy responded:
    deasertrose, you need to call the suicide help line right away. I really hope you reach out for help. I know things look bleak but that's the depression may have left you feeling like a shell but under that there is still a real human being who deserves a second chance. A chance to fight, a chance to live. Give him that chance.
    tryingtohideit responded:
    Get you some help right away!! I know it seems like things arent going to get better but they will. Call someone and talk to them. Please dont do this to yourself. Your life matters to sooo many people. YOU matter to soo many people. Please call the helpline and talk to someone. Dont make a permanent decision for a temporary problem. Please keep us updated!
    Elizabeth_WebMD_Staff responded:
    Hi Deasertrose -

    Phone numbers/phone trees/trying to get the right person to help/trying to get help - it sounds like it continues to be overwhelming and frustrating. I am glad you continue to look for help and answers though.

    Can you call your pdoc and ask someone in his office to help you by "helping you captain your ship"? Maybe sit down and go over your meds, your diagnosis and what help is available for you.

    Call a crisis line to see if they have someone in your area and most important to keep yourself safe!

    We do care and want to help. We will keep brainstorming for you!

    Check in to let us know how you are doing. Take care of yourself deasertrose,
    itmatsb responded:
    All the responses above have made very good suggestions to you.

    I have a dim view of you going into a study to try a medication that has not been demonstrated to really help people--thus the study-- when you are so desperate for help right now.

    And you probably need another doctor, preferably a psychiatrist who can fine tune your medications more effectively. MAO Inhibitors help some people who are medication resistant. There are some foods which cannot be eaten while taking this medication. Also if no medications work for you, don't rule out ECT which is totally different than in years past. Is is all worthwhile rather than you ending it all.

    I know it seems intolerable right now, but don't give up. When I felt that I couldn't make it down to the shortest amount of time--e.g. an hour, 10 minutes, a minute, the next 10 seconds, I took a xanax which would put me to sleep. Otherwise I thought that I would commit suicide from the pain. Find out if there is a medication out there as a safeguard for you. And sometimes just calling a family member or a close friend would help me.

    It's wonderful that you posted here showing that you are reaching out for some help. It is here. We all care very much about you.
    itmatsb replied to itmatsb's response:
    I'm sorry for not being totally informed about your situation with having tried ECT in the past. And now I do understand why a study on a new medication could be helpful to you. So sorry for not reading all your previous postings.

    Have you in fact tried MAO Inhibitors? It's a very unusual medication to be used these days.

    And did you ever try light therapy? That helped me years ago before even Prozac was around. Just fishing for something to help you.

    I am so truly sorry that nothing else has helped you. I was in that situation many years ago before all the new medications were around. And I set deadlines for my suicide. The thing is, they are coming out with new medications for depression since so many people are in need of it. There is a huge market for it, so there are new ones out coming out that may truly help you. So if you can hang on, your whole life could change. Take care.
    An_247916 replied to itmatsb's response:
    There is a new therapy called TMS that has had groundbreaking results in the 4 years it has been cleared by the FDA. You should really look into it! It is non-drug and has virtually no side effects.
    susiemargaret responded:
    hello, D --

    i want to mention two things. before i get to either of them, tho, i hope you got some help and are feeling better. many people here are very concerned about you.

    with respect to clinical trials and research studies sponsored by the fedl govt, you can search for ongoing projects at and at . with both of those sources (see PS), you can narrow the results to only those still open for volunteers. or if you don't narrow the results, you may want to look at projects that are no longer recruiting or are complete, in the hope of finding the project directors, who may have access to cutting-edge knowledge that has not yet made it into widespread clinical application.

    coming at it from the other direction, at and , you can sign up to be contacted by anyone doing future research studies or clinical trials on depression or TMS or whatever.

    with respect to TMS, mentioned in the previous response, there is a very long thread discussing TMS that you may want to take a look at -- . try to be patient wading thru it, because there are several points of view expressed and lots of responses. however, i think it would be worth your time to check it out.

    other threads with some discussion of TMS (with or without comparative comments about ECT) are at --

    -- ,

    -- , and

    -- , second and ninth posts, both by BB.

    in one thread discussing different forms of treatment for depression but not specifically about TMS exclusively, i referred to an article on TMS from the mayo clinic, . however, i have never done a lengthy independent search on the subject of TMS itself.

    I send you many caring thoughts and hope you are keeping yourself in a safe place. please let us know how you are doing.

    -- susie margaret

    PS -- i know of three other websites where you can search for clinical trials, but i've never been sure if they duplicate the fedl govt sites. nonetheless, i mention them here in case you are inclined to try them also --

    -- ,

    -- , and

    -- .
    what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
    deasertrose replied to susiemargaret's response:
    I don't know what to do anymore. I keep getting rejected or it's just not right for me. I'm really starting to think that ECT is the only help for me even if it wipes my slate clean. iI guess I'll see how things go this week as I go back on my meds maybe a miracle wii happen. Haha
    itmatsb replied to deasertrose's response:
    ECT is greatly improved from what it was in the past and many claim that it has helped them. There may be some temporary memory loss, but don't think that it will "wipe my state clean". Talk with your doctor very carefully about exactly what the risks are. Feeling better is very important for you. Good luck.
    deasertrose replied to itmatsb's response:
    I had ECT in 2004 and it screwed my brain up good. I can't afford any more memory loss. But I can't live this way any more. Does anyone ever get better?
    itmatsb replied to deasertrose's response:
    I'm wondering if you ever took an MAO Inhibitor? I mentioned it earlier on this posting, but didn't hear from you about it. It's an unusual anti-depressant which doctors don't like to prescribe because you have to strictly stay off of certain foods. But it did in fact help me terrifically with my depression way back. The only reason why I stopped it was because it caused a side effect that I couldn't take. You should ask your doctor about it and find another psychaitrist if your doctor says no. It's worth it rather than feeling like you can't live this way. Good luck.
    deasertrose replied to itmatsb's response:
    No I haven't tried an MAO inhibitor. At least I don't think so. I can't remember everything I have taken.My brain was destroyed when I had ECT so most of my lifes memories are gone. My pdoc and I are going to work on getting me off of some of these meds when she comes back from maternity leave.
    itmatsb replied to deasertrose's response:
    Getting off of some of these meds? Do you think that your medications are making you feel bad or is the purpose so that you can try another medication like an MAO Inhibitor.

    How long ago did you have the ECT? Most of your life's memories are gone? That's not supposed to happen. Aren't the memories supposed to return after awhile? I am so sorry if it has been a long time ago since you had your ECT. Let me know more about it.

    I'm hoping that you can feel better soon.

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