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    Not able to deal with unrequited love- should I seek emergency help?
    geot26 posted:
    It's been two months and I have been figthing my feelings on unrequited love towards another guy. That in itself was a first experience for me at the age of 26, and the problem is I feel really strongly for him. Even though under other circumstances this might have not been so bad because he was gay but also unfortunately he is already involved. In the past he demanded we cut all ties but I'm not sure whether or not it was because he noticed my interest or it was because I had become unbearable, however he was rather harsh about it also threatening me with the law. Thing is we ran into each other since then last month for a brief amount of time and although it was a little bit awkward we still managed to casually talk for a few minutes. A couple of days ago however I texted him asking if we could talk so I can explain some things to him and hopefully at least make some sort of truce but I have gotten no response.

    Worst thing of all is my feelings are still as strong for him regardless of what was said, and I have opened up about this to certain people, including a psychologist I pay 100 dollars per session, and they are more or less getting tired of me telling them the same story over and over and them telling me what I should do and move on and all that, but I just can't. So I was thinking should I seek emergency help at a hospital or something? I have thought of suicide as a relief but haven't actually attempted it due to religious beliefs of it being a sin, but I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.
    soulkeepers responded:
    Hello geot26,

    I understand your feelings you have toward this person and they are not going to go away just like that.The heart wants what the heart wants.When feelings are as strong as you state here it makes it hard to move on to someone else or with life.Seek the hospital if you need to,if you feel that you may hurt yourself or someone else.If it means keeping you safe then by all means go there.Even if you just want to speak with someone face to face about your situation.

    I'm not going to tell you to move on or get over him because it takes time for everything.I don't have any advice either but I do have some concerns.I'm concern about the length you're willing to go to be with or without this person and that has me on edge.I'm not saying that you would physically go as far as my ex but your thoughts does raises red flags with me.

    I have some experience in dealing with a guy that have to act on his feelings.One that has to be with one person and only that one.I am currently having trouble with someone that says his feelings are to strong to walk away or be with anyone else.Dealing with him is a living ongoing nightmare for me and he won't take no for an answer.

    Again I'm not saying you would go as far as him but you need to deal with your feelings and emotions in safe and positive way.I'm just sharing with you from my side of things,my experiences and how it can turn a person's life upside down with the affect of things being done.I feel for you and hope that things get easier as the days go by.It must feel like hell to have these feelings and can't act on them in a healthy way.I can only imagine what you are going through from your statements made.

    Take care and keep safe!!!!!!!!!
    susiemargaret responded:

    hello, G --

    your friend has given you his response to your invitation to become more than the most casual of acquaintances, and that response is an emphatic "no." he has not responded to your text(s), he is involved with someone else, and in the past he has made it clear that if you keep pursuing him, he is willing to take legal action against you. he doesn't want an explanation of your feelings from you; he wants you to leave him alone.

    in your therapy, my opinion is that it is time for you to change from your focus on this particular guy and start examining what need in your life is so strong that you believe it can be filled only by a relationship with this man. are you lonely? does he appear to have nurturing qualities that you don't seem, or have never seemed, to be able to get anywhere else? are the newness and intensity of considering a relationship with another man so unprecedented for you that you want to "process" them with this guy? in other words, why this man?

    it also sounds to me as if you have not paid any attention to the Q of your emotions about realizing that you are receptive to a gay relationship. this is an extremely important shift in the nature of your romantic attractions -- is it temporary? is it permanent? do you even know? do you need to know? -- and i'm guessing that it will affect not only the way you see yourself but also the way you arrange your life. i think this issue has to be addressed, it cannot be ignored. it is not a right/wrong issue; it is an issue of perception of identity at its most intrinsic level. my view is that it deserves at least as much -- indeed, probably way more -- attention in your therapy as the Qs related to your romantic desire for a specific man.

    i am not gay. i don't know what it would feel like to suddenly realize that i am romantically attracted to another woman rather than to the (for me, anyway) zillionth man in a row. i don't know if that realization would be a tremendous emotional shock or if it would feel like "coming home." for these reasons and others, i hope some of our readers whose experience is closer to yours will add their perspective to what i've offered in my second and third paragraphs above, because i could be totally off-base and not have a clue that i was.

    i hope you don't think i am making light of these events, because i am not. it is obvious that this experience has been extraordinarily traumatic for you, and i'm very concerned about your reference to suicide as a way of coping with it. but suicide is never the answer.

    if you feel close to being out of control, please call a crisis line, , and talk to someone. in fact, why don't you go to that site right now and print out several copies of the crisis line info there, then leave one in every room of your house, including the kitchen and bathrooms, plus your wallet. that way you'll have it nearby if you need it.

    if talking with someone on a crisis line doesn't help enough, then -- yes -- you should go to the ER. if you have no one to drive you, call 911 or the police if you have to. if you are unsure whether or not you should go to the ER, you should go.

    finally, i know that psychologists cannot write prescriptions, but have you talked with your psychologist about a referral to a psychiatrist for an assessment of whether a short course of psych meds might help? (i say "psychiatrist" deliberately, because they usually know more about psych meds than other drs do.)

    i send you many caring thoughts and hope you will keep us posted on how you are doing.

    -- susie margaret
    what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
    geot26 replied to susiemargaret's response:
    I guess I should be a little more specific. First of all, I would never do any harm towards this person; I care about him too much. Also we were tied with a professional manner for some time and through that he really helped me feel really good and possitive about myself. I am not saying that he led me on or had something to do with my feelings growing so strong. It began with me looking up to him and really admiring his traits, and that was how the attraction grew to what it did. He was a good influence for me and at one point he started sharing with me some of the difficulties in his relationship and that's when I unconsciously started to fantasize. Again though, that is not to say that he gave me any reasons to believe that there was hope.

    Again at the beginning he did react rather harshly, but like I said last month we did run into each other and even though it was a little awkward we were able to have a somewhat casual conversation. He told me he was leaving for the rest of the summer and how he was looking forward to it. That is why I had some hope that maybe once he's back we could actually meet up and I could apologize for how things happened and hopefully we could make a truce that way I don't have to feel guilty at least. So far though I have gotten no response and I don't know if it's due to the fact that he's not back yet or if he did get my message but is just ignoring it.

    I don't know why my feelings escalated to what they did, and I don't know why they won't go away even though I have tried so hard, but my mind is constantly on him and how much I care for him and since I have already seeked psycholgical help and its done me no justice I really think I need to go to the ER and seek some kind of treatment because I can't go on living like this. These past months have been the worst of my life and things are not improving.
    susiemargaret replied to geot26's response:
    hello, G --

    if you think that you need to go to the ER, then you need to go. try to get someone else to drive you, tho, because your distress is likely to seriously distract you on the road. if you don't have anyone to drive you, then call 911 or the police if necessary.

    i am so sorry that you've suffered such unhappiness. please let us know what happens.

    -- susie margaret
    what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.

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