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Was it a Breakthrough?
BlndBeauty posted:
Morning everyone,

Sorry that I have not posted in a while but, things have been a little hard on me latly. I am sick again with a bad cold/allergies, and I just can not seem to catch my breath. Well I am going to see the Dr. today so I hope that I can find out what else is going on.

So about my discussion. I want to get your oppinion on something, and hope that you can at least understand what I am going to say. Let me start off with what has changed for me since I found out that I was diagnoised with severe depression.

I felt pushed to the side, like I had a disorder that others were not going to understand, and or see that I am still the same person. I felt alone, tired and concerned that others were going to treat me different or at least look at me as if I am just another nobody out for attention. I guess with that, I started to see that maybe my life was not going to change and I was going to be effected in more ways then one. This might sound weird but in a sence I feel like I left myself, and just moved into another mind and then from that mind I moved my self back into my body and kep the other mind. I dont know how to explain it really.

Well from there I decided that help was what I needed, and even with the help I found myself holding back, and not realizing what it was that I needed. I needed more for myself, and I needed to start doing for myself yet, I could not find myself doing this. I wanted to keep doing for my husband, roomate, and family over myself. I kept holding everything in, and kept pushing myself to just not say anything. I found myself at that point with the understanding that the only way to releive it was to find ways to cope with it myself, and still never let it out. Well as many of us know if we keep things bottled up inside soon we pop.

Well it happened. I poped yesterday. I had my CSP (Community Support Person) here at my home for the first time, and she was coming up with a game plan to help me find the way that will work for me so we can work on my depression, and anxiety and other issues that will help me grow and be stronger. Well in our conversation with my husband in the same room I broke down, and told her how it felt on an average day in my home. How I feel unappreciated for what I do around the house, how much I sacrifice to make sure that my home is welcome to everyone, and their brothers, and yet I still can not seem to find time for myself. I also told her that I am not getting my chores, daily goals, or even doing the homework that is assigned to me completed because I have to worry about if the dishes are done, if the cloths are washed, if the house is cleaned, and dinner and or breakfast is on the table. It has just been to much for me to take on.

Well my husband finally found out that the pressure of doing for everyone else was not helping me what so ever, and that I was keeping things from him in response to my homework, and other needs that I was not meeting. I guess you could say that I forgot what it was that was important to me and what should have been first on my list of things to do and that was to take care of me first, and then everyone else second. Well I guess now things are going to change. Both my husband and roomate know that I still love them and want to do for them but, since we are all adults then I think that they need, and must share the load around the house. Even with the fact that I am not working I still have a job to do and that is to take care of myself and the goals that I need to accomplish so I can get better, and get back to work so I dont have to sit here day to day without the health that I want.
BlndBeauty (Minnesota)
Elizabeth_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi BlndBeauty -

Wow, it does sound like breakthrough for all of you. So good to hear that you were able to voice your needs and sounds like communication will be easier and everyone will be sensitive your needs.

So proud of these steps you are taking!

BlndBeauty replied to Elizabeth_WebMD_Staff's response:
It has changed a lot since this has happened. I think that it was a good thing that we did get through much of what we did discuss. I am greatful for my CSP worker and all that she is going to bring to my life.
BlndBeauty (Minnesota)

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