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Just need to vent
zaketaz posted:
I feel like I just need to vent with someone, so I'm sorry in advance. I am so upset about something my nieces husband said to me. I was talking to him and I expressed that I was upset over something, and his reply to me was "Its not always have to be about you" Well this really upset me, I was just expressing myself to him. I guess it was the way he said it to me. I never said it had to be about me. Ugggh I'm still upset over it. I'm afraid to say anything to anyone anymore, cause I don't know if all feel this way. And I'm too embarrassed to ask cause then its like I want it to be about me. I'm afraid to have a relationship with them anymore. I'm afraid if I tell them how I'm feeling they will think I'm trying to get attention, so I hide it inside and its killing me. Why do people have to be like this. Thanks for letting me vent
zaketaz replied to chez1's response:
Thanks Chez1
I was told I should find an online support group, so I found this group, and I'm glad I did. I am having a bad day, what I call a Mini Meltdown Day. My nephew-in-law really has no clue. Maybe one day I can have a more open relationship with him, but at the moment I try not to engage in too much with him. I just have to try to figure this out and it seems to just get tougher and tougher to deal with. I appreciate your comment, I think I will have to come to terms and really tell my family how I feel, cause I don't think they know, I haven't said anything to them.
Demons2011 replied to zaketaz's response:
Zaketaz, your family may have inklings but be interpreting them differently. They make take as being lazy, indifferent, stubborn or all about you. I didn't talk to anyone about "my feelings" until after an attempted suicide. Very close call with the Obits page. Even then, I got comments like the one you commented on. Or the one that really set things off, "I always thought you were very brave, one of the bravest people I ever meet - until you did this. That's a cowards way." Needless to say - it didn't go over good, and now she's the ex.

It varies so much for each family and person, but it might help to bring it out in the open. At least you'll find out who you can count on and those which aren't helpful.
clipper1956 responded:
He sounds like a narcissist! You can't talk to them because if it isn't about them then they think you want it all about you. They do not share attention and if you ever want even a very small amount like them being a friend to listen, they are not the ones to vent to. It's not you it's them, they don't know how to listen!
TerraNova responded:
Ignore the oaf.

If it happens again, smile sweetly, look him in the eye and explain that the comment he just made was trendy but exceptionally rude and thoroughly thoughtless. Ask (sweetly) if he was being purposely rude, or if he was being thoughtless AND rude. His choice. If neither sounds palatable, suggest that a thoughtful and civil gentleman would apologize for a lapse of that nature. Then be quiet, look him in the eye and wait.

His character will show momentarily. If he apologizes, accept gracefully.

If he wants to discuss the merit of his comment suggest that - again - a gentleman would find a way to do so discretely and that his oafish, self-centered behavior is inexcusable.

Meanwhile don't let it eat at you. Let it go.

Thank him for testing your patience and express your hope that he will one day acquire manners (the good kind) and excuse yourself.

You will feel better for taking control of the situation and not allowing yourself to be abused.
mom2greyts responded:
another great one is "Mom, everybody has a bad day"
She doesn't have a clue, so I just never open up to her. I have some friends and one of my sons that understand"
That was a very cruel thing he said. i once heard that said about a friend who commited suicide, that it was the cowards way out. i replied that he wasn't a coward because none will ever know how many he times he was at that point and managed to hold on. It's so hard for me, too to forget the pain people say, obviously.

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