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Sorry - Hate it!!
chez1 posted:
As the title says, I hate it!

That would be depression. Why oh why do we have to endure all that it has to offer. By god it has a lot to offer, doesn't it?
It gives us reasoning, it gives us truth, it gives us believe, it gives us .......

I know by reasoning that depression truth is not real, but I believe it. I believe I am the worst mum in the world, I believe I don't deserve to have them, I believe that they would be better off never knowing me, but how can I take away what they do know?

I can hurt myself, I can take otc meds but nothing can remove me from here, I always stay, I always try to calculate and make sure that there is pain without that final eventuality. But I am tired of that, I am tired of calculating.

I have fought tooth and nail to stay out of hospital and keep working, but today, maybe yesterday I realise I am no longer strong enough to fight, I need to concede and ask for help.

I know I have asked this before and I know I know the answer, but how can someone so proud and stupid ask for help?
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
Haylen_WebMD_Staff responded:
[TRIGGER] Saying you hate depression is a real feeling and valid! Being able to reach out and post tells me that you are not "proud" or "the s word" (as my 4 year old calls it). I'm giving you a HUGE (((HUG))) and sending sunshine thoughts your way!


PS - Thanks for sharing Ziglar quote, one of my personal faves.
deasertrose responded:
[TRIGGER] You just have to do it. I know how you feel. I still have trouble askink for help. I've done some stupid stuff lately cause I'm tired of things not working. You just need to lift your head up and ask. Everybody needs a little help every now and then.
totalyfedup responded:
Hi Chez, I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. Why do think you are the worst Mum in the world? And it is not a question of how proud you are and NOT stupid, to ask for help. For me I see it as a good thing you are doing for yourself.
You have always tried to help so many of us with your positve encouragements and I am sure that we all would like you to take our advice and help
Keep us posted.

need support
Demons2011 responded:
[TRIGGER] Chez, sorry to see your stuggling so hard. Please ask for help, sincerely. I think you know enough about me and that I was too proud and stupid for a supposedly smart person to ask for help. You know where I ended up as well, it was the hospital or the morge. Lucky me the hospital won out that time. So please go voluntarily instead hand cuffed to a bed and transported. You really do get some strange looks that way. Oh, don't forget the paper pajamas in sub-zero weather to help matters. No blanket either, don't want you choking or attempting to hang yourself. It woud be bad for the ambluance companies image as well. It has to be more pleasant to take yourself than the other way.
jaws86 replied to Demons2011's response:
We luv you Chez so much would it be ok to pray for you?
chez1 responded:
Thank you all, here we are a week on and I am still here.
Same old and all that but feeling a bit more positive.
Sure there has to be a way out and I am going to keep reaching out for it.
Hugs to all
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar

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