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Depression & spouse
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Roy2dep posted:
I,m 49 bearly employed and have had depression most my adult life.My wife has been married to me for 27yrs and I have been a burden on here too long. A month ago I stop drinking and then one day I had some beer with a friend I wasn't to do that.Now she wants me to move out. She is stong willed and afraid I will be violent ,but I am not a violent person.i don't want to loose her if I leave I loose everything in my life that gives me joy.i loose my son ,my pets my home and then I will lose my work.if I move to my moms I loose the way to see my children . I loose everything .all attempts to show her that I will change have gone array she is cold and distant.i see the pain I have caused but that doesn't help her,she can't hear me she is in fear for her own self mentally ,I don't blame her.Anybody looking at me these days would say I'm a looser or I'm lazy,terms misunderstood .i will be homeless and without hope.Someone please tell me what may help I have faith in God but he's not talking right now if you know what I mean.All I want to do is try to make things better with my wife but she thinks she is helping me tuff love you know. She can't see how her actions are making me worse.i saw your post Samatha and was greatful to see it.Maybe someone can give me a better solution to me. I'm already on meds.
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Roy2dep responded:
You may say what am I asking? I am asking how to deal with this Drinking, an unsupportive spouse,and being put on the streets.Please help my depression is getting really bad.I now just want to stay inside and do little.Please help...
 
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Jeune1 responded:
Hi Roy,

Have you tried Alcoholics Anonymous? If your wife sees you're taking definite steps to improve she may change her mind. I'd also suggest couples counseling.

Take care.
 
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Roy2dep replied to Jeune1's response:
Hi Jeune I did go once and found that AA doesn't teach coping skills so I'm trying Smart Recovery They are suppose to teach coping skills.we went to one section of couples counseling that she only went because she didn't really thing I would set it up.But the doctor thought we should have individual secessions for ourselves first and also be in marriage counseling.Until she sees that she is not helping me and sees her own hang ups need work I stand little chance. I having a little trouble with the total cut off of all drinking as I'm doing now I know I can not drink all the time but I still want a good beer or Margareta some time in the future.I have an additive personality so I shouldn't be drinking I can see that but every once in a while should be fine it i don't go back to my old ways but for her it all or nothing and that's tough because I have anxiety and that medicine makes you sleepy. I'm not perfect and she is over reacting. Talking with you helps and I thank you I was starting to think this site was dead.
 
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Jeune1 replied to Roy2dep's response:
You're welcome for the reply. I know it can be hard but even in a marriage sometimes individuals have to work on their own issues and they can't rely on the other person to help. So yes, everyone has their own hang ups but that doesn't mean one person's problems will or can or should keep the other from making progress and doing what they need to do to get better.

Take care.
 
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Roy2dep replied to Jeune1's response:
We are both getting better it's just going to take time. I been depressed so many years I don't know who I really am.To day I was thing about starting painting art,but I have no skills on the technical side of painting on canvas. My wife doesn't know what to say to me she is warming up to me a little,that's a start.I need the right job for me to really be happy which is a hard think to do these day with my bad work history.My wife and I don't have a lot in common and I'm worried that the future hold a separation.I need her to be more loving and accept me and she wants a over achiever I'm not that person anymore that's what broke me. My ambition and not achieving make a success of my self. The big dreamer found out about life the hard way and now I just want to be happy. I'm starting from scratch and the mole is still broken. I still don't know what to do in life.


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