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chez1 posted:
I am so tired of the constant battle that is depression. I am not typically depressed, as in I don't generally feel sad, I manage to get up and go out to work, keep on top of the housework, take the kids to all their activities and maintain a social life, I often question if indeed am I depressed.
But then I remember the feelings of self hatred, the worthlessness of me, how I am useless as a human being. how i hurt those around me and constantly let people down, this is what I am weary off, it has been going on for months.
I have good supports around me, my family are aware of some of what is going on, I see the dr regularly and psychologist weekly so I have nothing to complain about. I am really lucky that I live in the UK and dont have to pay for these services, I hurts me so much when I read here how some of you can not get help because of costs, it is beyond my comprehension, so with having all of these supports you would think that I could be grateful and pull myself out of this pit that I manage to keep myself in.
Oh, I am just venting really, I do get so fed up, I know deep inside me, I am fighting to get out, I am fighting to be my own confident self, the person I know I can be, it is frustrating to keep missing my own hand to pull on.
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily...........Zig Ziglar
deasertrose responded:
I understand the constant battle. I can go to work and my appointments but I don't do anything else. I can't bring myself to do any house work, work in my flower beds or even take a shower. I've hated myself for ever. Well since I was 8 and my brother started abusing me and some other things that I can never forgive myself for. I feel worthless,ugly,stupid, can't do anything right and so on and so on.I sorry I think I need to call somebody. All this brings up rage and bad thoughts. you take care of yourself.
Hugs ({})
chez1 replied to deasertrose's response:
hey deasertrose
I hope you have picked up the phone to speak to someone, If you don't have family and friends to call, call the crisis lines. I hear the pain in your response, you are hurting and need some help.

I am not sure what it is that you think you need to forgive yourself for, but you absolutely do not have to forgive yourself for your brothers actions, by all means you can look into forgiving him, but you did absolutely nothing wrong and are quite right to be angry and have rage. I hope you are able to reach out and get help right now for how you are feeling
I am sending you lots of hugs back, they are flying over towards you now
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily...........Zig Ziglar

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