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    Depressed in my relationship
    andyjn68 posted:
    Hi, I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost 3 years. We have a 18 month old daughter together, and then I have two kids 5 and 6 by another relationship . and on for the past few months...I have had no real emotional attachment with my girlfriend. I don't open up anymore I don't conversate with her. we dont' have sex its been oh i CAN'T REMEMBER. I am a recoverying alcoholic of 10 months, and I deal with anxiety and depression I have since I was 12years old. So I feal as if I don't really love her anymore like we are just room mates that come and go we do stuff together and thats it. I have noticed now that I am wanting to seek out new endevers and not be in a relationship....but then i sometimes something will hit me and its like i love and want to be with my gf SOOOO MUCH. and that I would be a fool to leave. I have cheated in the past, when I was drinking all the time. Idk if I am just bored of the relationship, or what...ANY ONE OUT THERE GOT ANY INPUT?
    Demons2011 responded:
    Sorry guy, no relationship is without pitfalls/down times. You have to decide if you want to continue it or not. It means working you booty off to improve it before she decides you're not worth it. You might want to ask her where she's at in the relationship. Also, one of the problems of having a child (ren), without the commitment to be there every day. It'd not always what you want.
    itmatsb responded:
    Your depression and anxiety would no doubt be a factor in your relationship problems. Also alcohol and depression often come together. Have you sought any treatment for it with an anti-depressant and therapy? You owe it to your daughter if nothing else. Your children are the victims of your illness--big time. Please don't have any more children until you have your pproblems effectively treated. And next time, make the commitment of marraige first so that you have a better idea if the relationship is going to last before having more children.

    Get the help that you need. Wish you the best.
    chez1 responded:
    Hi Andy
    Welcome to this forum and for sharing your experiences so openly, that was very brave of you.
    I think you answered your questions yourself, you appear to have insight into what has gone before and where you want to be.
    It is a massive decision to stay/or not with your partner, I do think it is worth speaking to her to see where she is at as Demons suggested.
    What has gone on in your past has happened and there is nothing you can do about it, but you are in control of your future.
    You need to make this decision with yourself, your girlfriend and your children in mind, don't rush it and think it through clearly.
    Let us know how you get on
    People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily...........Zig Ziglar
    grateful2besober responded:
    I would highly suggest talking to someone in your recovery community, a sponsor, if you have one. I'm in recovery from alcoholism myself and have been sober 19 months. I've had major depressive disorder since I can remember. I work with a woman in recovery who has the same diagnosis and she gives me a lot of things to do each day to help me get out of my head and take care of myself. When we get sober we do end up feeling different about all sorts of things in life, especially relationships. Actually, the recommendation of not making any big changes in the first year is to protect the vulnerable state in which we are in at the time. However, if someone is depressed and the living situation is bringing them down, it's been suggested to me to remove myself from these situations. The number one important thing is preserving sobriety, if we don't do that we can't care for ourselves, hence making us useless to our fellows in the world around us. Also, the wild life we may have been living before... when we are sober and I've been through this - I thought I was bored. Turns out I was just feeling "normal" and without chaos and craziness going on I was finding myself bored with situations and people in my life. Again you should talk to someone in recovery about this, someone with experience with depression if possible. Be cautious of who you ask, some people in recovery are very against discussion of outside issues and especially the use of psychotropic medications. I keep those issues to myself and only between myself and my sponsor if anyone. Good luck to you friend. Great job on 10 months! Keep on keeping on.
    andyjn68 replied to grateful2besober's response:
    I appreciate all of the advice everyone....I am going to let this set in mined a while and think about it. Also talk to my therapist furthur about it.
    itmatsb replied to andyjn68's response:
    Great that you have a therapist. I really hope that you will get an anti-depressant, especially having battled it since you were 12 years. I think that I started with depression even earlier than you did. The right anti-depressant can change your whole life. It did for me. And your quitting drinking for 10 months shows what you have in you. Hope that you'll be feeling better very soon.

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