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Depression - when we feel we can't go on
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zeluis100000 posted:
Hi all. My name is Luís. I don't speak english very well, but I will try to explain myself the best i can.

I'm depressed. For the first time I admit it. I haven't seen a doctor yeat, but I don't have to, because I know I have it. My mother was depressed once, I know how she felt, and I feel kinda the same.

I'm 23 years old, and this feeling started when i was 17. School failure, problems with my family and girlfriend drove me into a suicide attempt that failed, but left some scars. Some people didn't try to understand, they just spent all the time criticizing me. Since then, I've changed. I'm afraid of living, I'm afraid of failure...

Nowadays, I have a job and I study at university at night. Some people would say I'm lucky for doing that in a crisis time like this, but I don't agree. First, I hate my job and all people I work with. They are too different from me. And I don't like what I'm studying either, so I don't feel motivated to finnish it. My familly's situation is better but our country has a huge financial crisis...we all have job, but that's no enougth.

If this was not bad enough, i lost a few friends. Specilly my best friend, that person i would say "she will never abandon me"...but she did...

Resuming...all this stuff make me feel angry and sad. During all this years I have struggled really hard to find motivation, to help the others (funny thing, I can't help myself) but all humans have a breaking point, and I'm close to it...I fell i can't hold this pain and dispair much more time...I'm affraid of doing something that might bring me and my familly more suffering.

I know i should see a doctor, but I would like to know if it is possible to fight back with o medical care, no pills...just me.

Thank you
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Haylen_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi Luis and welcome. I'm sorry you needed to seek out this community but I'm glad that you found us!

You wrote "I know I should see a doctor." Please honor that and make an appointment ASAP with a health care professional. I'm not sure the best way for you to fight back but a medical check up is a great place to start.

You also said that you are afraid of doing something that might bring more suffering. Please click this link here and check out the crisis resources links - http://www.webmd.com/help/crisis-resources You can pick up the phone right now to reach out for off line help.

Please keep posting here - I'm looking forward to getting to know you better and I know the community members will have useful advice and can give you support during this difficult time.

(((Hugs))) to you!

Haylen
 
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Haylen_WebMD_Staff responded:
and p.s. You might not think you speak English well but you write beautifully!
 
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zeluis100000 replied to Haylen_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thank you very much Haylen.


I will see a doctor. I'm always waiting for the perfect time to do it, but I now the time is now, I shouldn't wait much more. This happened several times: I got tired of this, decided to see a doctor, then things became calm again...just until everything start all over again.


When I say I'm "afraid of doing something that might bring more suffering", I mean, I'm not feeling that all the time. It's just, sometimes, I feel I'm loosing control, like if the ground is disappearing, and I look around and see nobody, nothing good. That feeling of powerlessness, leads me to panic and if that happens, I really don't know what I can do...fortunelly that doesn't happen a lot, and I hope it won't happen again. It's like this person is not me. Just like if I was possessed. I loose control of what I do or say.


I wish my familly was a better support. My mother understands me, she advised me several times so seek for help, because she suffered because of that. My brother think's I'm in a bad mod, and sooner or later I'm ok again. My father understand's what is a depression, but I don't like the way he deal's with it. It's the old school way: hold it, hold it, hold it. As long as I can walk and work, it's fine for him. That's what i did all this years. I hope I can fix it now.


Thank you again for the support. Its a funny fact, that people that don't know me at all, are more willing to help me, than the people that know me for too long. Some of them don't know my condition. They really have no idea...

 
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Haylen_WebMD_Staff replied to zeluis100000's response:
You hit the nail on the head. In my opinion, those who have not known the black shroud of depression can't relate - even if they really want to help and be supportive.

That's why this online community (and others like it) are so great for those seeking support. The interactions here aren't the same same as "in real life" experiences but I know it helps.

So...........did you pick up the phone to make a doctor's appointment? I'm pretty good at nagging "in real life" and online if I think it can make you feel better

Haylen
 
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zeluis100000 replied to Haylen_WebMD_Staff's response:
Not yet...there are so many psychologists in here, I can't choose... One lives close to me, but i prefer to go to someone that doens't know me at all. I beliave I will feel more comfortable that way.

Unfortunelly, I live in a place full of narowminded people. Most of them don't beliave in depression. They only care about blaming people that feels that way. I know that I've made mistakes, but they can't be the only excuse for this. I'm not depressed because I want or like it. I want to feel good, happy, confident and positive. They also say we should be able turn the page by ourselfs. I tried, too many times...they just don't understand. I blamed myself for too long, until I realized that I'm not the only reason. Too many things are...and too many people.

I'm glad I found this comunity. At least someone that understands.

Thanks
 
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lissmeanstrouble replied to zeluis100000's response:
I know how you feel Luis! I started feeling depressed in high school as well, and my family didnt want to accept that I had the problem.

Now they do, after I have seen a doctor and have medication.

Medication makes me feel much better.
 
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zeluis100000 replied to lissmeanstrouble's response:
Hummm but I'm a bit afraid of medication.I would prefer to try something more..."conventional". I've talked to a doctor by e-mail and she said that the therapy itself can deal with the problem, maybe no medication is needed. My mother isn't depressed anymore, and she stills using medication, everyday. I'm just scared of that.

Thank you
 
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itmatsb replied to zeluis100000's response:
It sounds like you may be dealing with the male macho thing that your father believes in. Your depression sounds like it is a chemical imbalance like your mother has. which would require medication. It is not your fault at all. That's one of your misconceptions. You can certainly try therapy alone, but don't be afraid of medication. And no one will know except your doctor unless you decide to tell someone. I had a miserable life until I went on anti-depressants. Now I feel completely okay. You can too. So don't give up and you take care.
 
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zeluis100000 replied to itmatsb's response:
Thank you. I'm going to find some help.

Thank you all.

I'll inform you soon.
 
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itmatsb replied to zeluis100000's response:
I'm wondering how you are doing. Have you tried any anti-depressant? It can take about 4 weeks to really kick in. Hope that you are feeling better. Let me know.
 
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zeluis100000 replied to itmatsb's response:
Hi...I didn't. No anti-depressants, no help, nothing... I guess I have no courage to go there. Maybe I'm affraid of what a docter can say to me, I just don't know... I need the help but, it's like, I can't move...
 
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Haylen_WebMD_Staff replied to zeluis100000's response:
Please try and get "un-stuck" zeluis! I know there are steps you can take to feel better. I completely understand the concept of being unable to move

Have you ever considered journaling? Check out this article: Writing Your Way Out of Depression - Dear Diary

From the article: Journaling forces people to do something," says Michael Rank, PhD...."Keeping a journal is a good way to start coping with depression"

Maybe you could try that?

H
 
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zeluis100000 replied to Haylen_WebMD_Staff's response:
I had and diary once, not long ago. I wrote a lot, about everything, but I allways felt I wasn't writing to me. I felt I was writing to someone else read some day. So, even trying so hard, I couldn't be 100% honnest with my own diary. It helped me a lot during that time, but then i reallized that i didn't need it anymore.

Fortunelly for me, now I have people to talk about, I don't have to write anymore, I hope...

Do you really think I should start with it again?
 
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itmatsb replied to zeluis100000's response:
What are you afraid of the doctor saying to you? The doctor will say that it sounds like you are depressed and could use an anti-depressant. They don't put anybody in the hospital unless you say that you're about to commit suicide. It's your life to make it a fulfilling one or one with bleakness. It's entirely up to you.


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