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I Don't Want to Live if I Have to Live Like This
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sheswounded posted:
[TRIGGER] I don't know what to say except that I am severely depressed, and that I wish to die in my sleep. I never want to wake up again because of the way I have to live. My life will never change. I've been miserable for the past 6 years. I have so many unanswered questions, I'm confused about everything, and I just cannot cope much longer. I know that people, who know I feel this way, think that I would never do anything to hurt myself. But, they are mistaken. I'd do just about anything to get away from these feelings that I feel, and the thoughts that I have. I am in pain, and I have no one to help me. Because not even my family cares whether I live or die, it makes me feel like I am a bad person, or like no one can love me. After all, if your own family, parents can't love you, then who else is going to? That's how I see it. I just wish I knew what to do, how to act, what to say, to make them love me. I also wish I knew why they have so much animosity towards me, and if they don't, and if I am wrong, then why do I feel they treat me horribly? Why would I feel so betrayed by them if they really did care about me? I just want to die, but I do not have the courage to kill myself. I'm hoping God hears my cries and my pain and sends for me. My life here on earth is over. I've even been researching the topic of "life after death." From what I have learned, life in Heaven will be so much more peaceful than here on earth. I want that now, because I will never be at peace down here. I've never been at peace in my entire life. Never have I been comfortable in my own skin. I'm sorry for this post sounding so negative, but I just needed to vent. I'm at a really low point in life, and I am barely hanging on.
Reply
 
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Jeune1 responded:
It simply isn't true there is no one to help you. We're here for you for one. Even if you can't afford to see a professional counselor there are plenty of online groups, some of which offer real-time sessions for people with depression. I know it is hard to think your family doesn't love you. I don't know if it is true or not, but they aren't the only people in the world and who care about your well being.

But you also should call a Crisis hotline IMMEDIATELY if you're feeling this way.

Here are some other things to check out:

http://forums.webmd.com/3/depression-exchange/resource/33

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home

Take care and keep checking in.
 
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Chris_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi Sheswounded,

I'm sorry you are in such a bad place. (((hugs to you)))

You know hurting yourself is never the answer.

You may wish to contact the Covenant House Crisis Counseling Center at 1-800-999-9999 if in the United States, or at 01-753-53713 outside the U.S. Another option is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.

Also, WebMD offers an extended list of crisis resources on our site. Please click or paste the following URL into your browser's address locator: http://www.webmd.com/help/crisis-resources . As always, if you think you might have an emergency, please call your physician or 911 immediately.

Please check in with us again.
Chrissy~

When the world says, Give up,
Hope whispers, Try it one more time.
~Author Unknown
 
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sheswounded replied to Jeune1's response:
Thank you, Jeune1. I had a rough weekend, but am feeling a bit better today. I will definitely take a look at the links you have provided.

Thanks again!
 
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sheswounded replied to Chris_WebMD_Staff's response:
Hi Chris,

Thank you for your support! I was having a bad day when I initially posted to the board. I am doing much better today. I really appreciate the information you've provided, and will certainly utilize them in the future.

Thanks again!
 
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sheswounded replied to chez1's response:
Hi Chez1,

I'm so sorry your initial response was lost, but I really appreciate you taking the time to send me another one.

I now see what you mean when you say that "it must be the disease." Sometimes when I'm going through such difficult times, it feels like I'm the only one. And everything seems so real to me, yet others can't understand my way of thinking. I feel crazy, to say the least. But, you've reminded me that there are so many other people out there who can relate to me, and who feel the same way that I do. I never imagined that depression could be so powerful!

I was in a bad place when I initially posted, but I think I'm doing better today. I go through these spells every so often, so I just try to take everything one day at a time.

Thanks so much for your encouragement and support!
 
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Haylen_WebMD_Staff replied to sheswounded's response:
WHEW!

Glad to hear that you are doing better today. Please continue to reach out for support and information. I know what it is like to feel like you are on a deserted island - you are not alone! Our community is open 24/7

Haylen


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